dreamergrl Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I think he sent off a lot of mixed signals that would have left most confused.
Jaytb Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Damn musicians!! I'm not really interested in dating for fun. It doesn't mean I want a "permanent relationship" with everyone on whom I have a crush; I don't even know this guy well enough to want that with him yet. But when I think about just dating around, it makes me feel exhausted! I'd rather stay home with a good book until someone really worthwhile comes along. Counterintuitive, perhaps, but honestly I'd rather be alone and do my own thing than be some musician's time-passer. Is there anyone else in their late 30s/early 40s reading this who feels the same? Do you have a thing for musicians or do you date anyone? I think the problem is that musicians get a lot of attention from the opposite sex especially when they're successful at music, so I would think a LTR with one is difficult to say the least.
hopesndreams Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 He sent mixed signals but you definitely did not. That kiss on the neck and the touch on his back clearly showed him that you were interested, very interested. What did he choose to do? Pretty much ignored it. Then he wants to discuss payment for the drumming lessons! How uncomfortable would that be for you to have him teach you the drums now?? If it were me, I'd be embarrassed. Not embarrassed that I did the kiss on the neck thing (that was hot) but to have it go unnoticed (yeah, right). Seems to me he might want to have a bit of fun with you because he knows you're crushing on him and make some money off you while doing so. Will it lead to something? Too early to tell but I would consider selling those gloves to someone else and foregoing the drum lessons until he makes a move and lets me know of his intentions.
boogieboy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Do you have a thing for musicians or do you date anyone? I think the problem is that musicians get a lot of attention from the opposite sex especially when they're successful at music, so I would think a LTR with one is difficult to say the least. Watch out Jay, I got flamed for making that generalization in her case...when I was trying to make the point that he wasnt giving her signals. At least she isnt hurt over this...thats all that counts. Now she knows how to not confuse taking it slow with a guy who isnt interested.
Rooster_DAR Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Part of the adventure of finding someone just for you comes with a downside. Your going to come across some dead ends along the way. Keep your eyes open, but don't rush it, someone will come along when you least expect it. Cheers!
Ody Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Do you have a thing for musicians or do you date anyone? I think the problem is that musicians get a lot of attention from the opposite sex especially when they're successful at music, so I would think a LTR with one is difficult to say the least. Sure generalizations are fun but having been in many many bands I've seen a lot of musicians in LTRs and a lot not in LTRs, I don't think this way of looking at it will help the OP. Sorry OP I don't really have the backstory from other posts you have made so my feedback might be redundant. Have either of you tried something like "hey let's forget about the gloves and drum lessons and have dinner one-on-one friday"? I agree the money thing is a little weird, but maybe he's just kind of nervous or a bit inept about separating business and pleasure. Also any comparison of how much gloves are worth versus lessons is probably just a distraction from the real issue which is if you guys have serious interest in each other, so I wouldn't think about that if I were you. Good luck.
shadowplay Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Sure generalizations are fun but having been in many many bands I've seen a lot of musicians in LTRs and a lot not in LTRs, I don't think this way of looking at it will help the OP. Sorry OP I don't really have the backstory from other posts you have made so my feedback might be redundant. Have either of you tried something like "hey let's forget about the gloves and drum lessons and have dinner one-on-one friday"? I agree the money thing is a little weird, but maybe he's just kind of nervous or a bit inept about separating business and pleasure. Also any comparison of how much gloves are worth versus lessons is probably just a distraction from the real issue which is if you guys have serious interest in each other, so I wouldn't think about that if I were you. Good luck. I would advise against this. I think the guy has made it pretty clear that his romantic interest is low. She shouldn't have to make the first move.
Author sedgwick Posted November 23, 2009 Author Posted November 23, 2009 Sure generalizations are fun but having been in many many bands I've seen a lot of musicians in LTRs and a lot not in LTRs, I don't think this way of looking at it will help the OP. Sorry OP I don't really have the backstory from other posts you have made so my feedback might be redundant. Have either of you tried something like "hey let's forget about the gloves and drum lessons and have dinner one-on-one friday"? I agree the money thing is a little weird, but maybe he's just kind of nervous or a bit inept about separating business and pleasure. Also any comparison of how much gloves are worth versus lessons is probably just a distraction from the real issue which is if you guys have serious interest in each other, so I wouldn't think about that if I were you. Good luck. THANK YOU for being one of the rare few on LS who knows generalizations aren't helpful! Mwah!! I am assuming at this point that he's not interested. I mean, for the love of god, I kissed him on the neck and he asked me for money, there ya go. The fact that he then sent an email wanting to talk on the phone is all well and good, but he hasn't called, and I feel that if he had an interest, I'd have heard from him by now. All I can really do at this point is just back away. I'm trying hard not to take it personally, and not to think "Well, here's one more guy I'm not good enough for." The one thing I do know is that he had a bad breakup three months ago. A friend was talking to him at the party about a bad breakup with a former bandmate of his, and how she had to be in the same room with him recently, and DB said to her, "Yeah, my ex and I broke up three months ago and I could never be in the same room with her." So maybe he's still f*cked up over that.
Ody Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 THANK YOU for being one of the rare few on LS who knows generalizations aren't helpful! Mwah!! I am assuming at this point that he's not interested. I mean, for the love of god, I kissed him on the neck and he asked me for money, there ya go. Hehe yeah well I take the musician generalizations personally as they can be quite annoying to hear... Anyway, I think you're probably right. I have been knitted many things and have no idea what their fair market value is... but I would not ever suggest charging music lessons to a girl whom I wanted to pursue either! Anyway cute musicians are a dime a dozen so you can probably find one with better social skills or more interest or fewer hangups on his ex or whatever this guy's problem is. Good luck!
PinkToes Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 This is key: ... but that the important thing is I'M OUT DOING SOMETHING SOCIAL AND HAVING A CRUSH IN THE FIRST PLACE. Good for you for getting out there and being open to someone else. I hope you realize how significant that is! And you did absolutely nothing wrong. It's not like you threw yourself at him; you gave him a little kiss. All the stuff that's been going on in your head -- he has no idea about that. As far as he knows, you're an awesome dancer and a cool person and you're making him some gloves. So please don't worry about saving face. And I have known men who were totally oblivious to women who were actually flirting up a storm with them, so that does happen. Even more reason not to worry. I think it's awesome that you didn't try to compete with the red-haired chick at the party. Personally, I don't believe anyone should have to compete for attention from a member of the opposite sex!
Author sedgwick Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Good for you for getting out there and being open to someone else. I hope you realize how significant that is! And you did absolutely nothing wrong. It's not like you threw yourself at him; you gave him a little kiss...So please don't worry about saving face. Thank you! I'm feeling quite embarrassed about having kissed him, but hoping he was at least flattered by it rather than grossed out. Next step: being open to someone who's open to ME! (Does that exist? Kind of doubting it at this point, but hey, ya never know.) I am a bit confused by why he would send an email wanting to talk to me on the phone, not answer the phone when I called, and not call back. He sent the email yesterday afternoon, and MUST know it was confusing to me to receive that only moments after receiving the one asking me to pay for lessons. At any rate, I'm totally done chasing guys; I'm not expecting to hear from him again, but if we do talk it's going to be because HE calls ME, not the other way around.
Ody Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I am a bit confused by why he would send an email wanting to talk to me on the phone, not answer the phone when I called, and not call back. Sounds like he realized the email was retarded shortly after sending it, wanted to try some damage control, then chickened out. Hehe I really do feel for you but imagine dealing with this pursuit nonsense all the time! If you're not cut out for it be happy you're not a guy! It's not that bad really once you realize it just comes with the territory. I think your next step is a good one!
jerseyboy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Thank you! I'm feeling quite embarrassed about having kissed him, but hoping he was at least flattered by it rather than grossed out. Next step: being open to someone who's open to ME! (Does that exist? Kind of doubting it at this point, but hey, ya never know.) I am a bit confused by why he would send an email wanting to talk to me on the phone, not answer the phone when I called, and not call back. He sent the email yesterday afternoon, and MUST know it was confusing to me to receive that only moments after receiving the one asking me to pay for lessons. At any rate, I'm totally done chasing guys; I'm not expecting to hear from him again, but if we do talk it's going to be because HE calls ME, not the other way around. What happened to cause so much insecurity?
Author sedgwick Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Sounds like he realized the email was retarded shortly after sending it, wanted to try some damage control, then chickened out. So he sent the first one as a way of telling me he didn't like me, then pretended he wanted to talk on the phone as a way of easing the blow, and now is just ignoring me? WTF is up with guys, anyway? If you don't like me, just tell me you don't like me and be done with it, y'know? I can take straight-up rejection, but not this farting around.
Ody Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 So he sent the first one as a way of telling me he didn't like me, then pretended he wanted to talk on the phone as a way of easing the blow, and now is just ignoring me? WTF is up with guys, anyway? If you don't like me, just tell me you don't like me and be done with it, y'know? I can take straight-up rejection, but not this farting around. No I think he's kind of socially retarded and bit off more than he can chew with the using the work angle to come on to you. I don't think the email was retarded because he doesn't like you - I think the email was retarded because he does like you. Nevertheless you should probably steer clear of him. Really these mixed signals are incredibly common when you flip the genders, what I've learned it's best just to let go and move on, you never figure out the signals of someone whose lines are all tangled and crossed upstairs. This guy seems to fit that bill.
boogieboy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I am a bit confused by why he would send an email wanting to talk to me on the phone, not answer the phone when I called, and not call back. He sent the email yesterday afternoon, and MUST know it was confusing to me to receive that only moments after receiving the one asking me to pay for lessons. Its much faster to negotiate the price for lessons with you over the phone rather than the email.
PinkToes Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 If you don't like me, just tell me you don't like me and be done with it, y'know? I can take straight-up rejection, but not this farting around. I don't think he really knows what he wants. Probably the only way to find out for sure is to let it go and move on, and see what happens. He'd have to stop being so flaky to even deserve your time anyway.
boogieboy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) What happened to cause so much insecurity? What happened? Well shes a lil different. Shes a size 14 (not a bad thing), shes working on a full bodysuit of tattoos, has 1" earlobes and ring in her septum, and the dreadlocks are jet black and Manic Panic red. Oh, and shes EXTREMELY sensitive to...well...everything. She's posted in the past of how she talks to guys on the street and they coldly ignore her. That might paint a better picture. I just dont know what her success rate is among the crowd of many tatts and piercings. Edited November 24, 2009 by boogieboy
Author sedgwick Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 I don't think he really knows what he wants. Probably the only way to find out for sure is to let it go and move on, and see what happens. He'd have to stop being so flaky to even deserve your time anyway. Thanks for the perspective, love. Much appreciated!
Author sedgwick Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) To give a quick update, I sent a text last night after 24 hours of not hearing from him that just said, "Tried to call last night, no answer, feel free to call me if you like." Another 24 hours, no call, and I know he went to his family's for Thanksgiving today so I'm not expecting to hear from him while he's there. I'm annoyed, as bassf*cker was the flakiest person on the planet, and I'm not willing to do flaky anymore. I mean, to send someone an email that seems like a kiss-off, then send another one immediately afterward wanting to talk on the phone, then not answer your phone or call the person back -- WTF? If you're not interested in someone, wouldn't the polite (and logical) thing to do be to say, "I'm flattered, but no thanks," or something along those lines? Like, as opposed to flirting with them and then ignoring them? That's just rude. Whatever. I'm not putting any more energy into it. It feels good to maintain my self-respect, not chase him, and realize I'll be okay if I never hear from him again. A friend of mine who dated a friend of his (they used to be in a band together) said her ex mentioned once that DB was flaky. At any rate, I was walking down the street today realizing that I'm much stronger than I was before bassf*cker and that other people's weirdness doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with me. I mean, hell, he had a bad breakup three months ago, and three months after bassf*cker I couldn't even think about dating someone else. I'm annoyed and perplexed, yes, but I honestly don't feel I did anything wrong, and I feel I can totally hold my head up on this one. Edited November 24, 2009 by sedgwick
shadowplay Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 To give a quick update, I sent a text last night after 24 hours of not hearing from him that just said, "Tried to call last night, no answer, feel free to call me if you like." Another 24 hours, no call, and I know he went to his family's for Thanksgiving today so I'm not expecting to hear from him while he's there. I'm annoyed, as bassf*cker was the flakiest person on the planet, and I'm not willing to do flaky anymore. I mean, to send someone an email that seems like a kiss-off, then send another one immediately afterward wanting to talk on the phone, then not answer your phone or call the person back -- WTF? If you're not interested in someone, wouldn't the polite (and logical) thing to do be to say, "I'm flattered, but no thanks," or something along those lines? Like, as opposed to flirting with them and then ignoring them? That's just rude. Whatever. I'm not putting any more energy into it. It feels good to maintain my self-respect, not chase him, and realize I'll be okay if I never hear from him again. A friend of mine who dated a friend of his (they used to be in a band together) said her ex mentioned once that DB was flaky. At any rate, I was walking down the street today realizing that I'm much stronger than I was before bassf*cker and that other people's weirdness doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with me. I mean, hell, he had a bad breakup three months ago, and three months after bassf*cker I couldn't even think about dating someone else. I'm annoyed and perplexed, yes, but I honestly don't feel I did anything wrong, and I feel I can totally hold my head up on this one. Good for you. I wouldn't contact him again.
PinkToes Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I'm annoyed and perplexed, yes, but I honestly don't feel I did anything wrong, and I feel I can totally hold my head up on this one. :) Absolutely!
Lishy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Oh its his bloody loss! He sounds like an arse anyway so just move on and know that you are improving day by day and one day the real thing will come along and you wont even have to question it!! I too am waiting for that day Sedge, so lets wait together lol ps ... you did good I am proud of you xx
Ariadne Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I'm annoyed and perplexed, yes, but I honestly don't feel I did anything wrong, and I feel I can totally hold my head up on this one. Don't be so perplexed. He took you to his bedroom to play drums because he wanted to have sex with you after you told him to hang out. Since that didn't happen, he wants to treat you coldly and charge you money so that you don't get ideas and avoid future awkwardness. My take.
Author sedgwick Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 I too am waiting for that day Sedge, so lets wait together lol *pulls up a chair, orders a cocktail*
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