nobmagnet Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) there is a thread on "separation and divorce" that might help some of you firstly it made me laugh and then I laughed even more when i wrote mine. If your ex was to be completely and utterly honest with you what would they say??? here is mine I hope it doesnt bore you but I had fun writting it! Dear Neet Honesty time. I haven’t been faithful to you at all through out the past 10years and it’s been great! I had you at home bringing up the kids alone and burning yourself out with renovating my home whilst I was having a cracking time away with work. The women I work with are so easy like me I was never short of a f*uck. Even better was when I came home after a trip away tired (from shagging) you gave me space and symathy. I didn’t have to do anything except play computer games and talk to my lover on-line. Perfect. You kept the kids occupied and out of my way because you know they irritate me and interfere with my life. I was thrilled at my parents response to my being kicked out for porking the payroll I cried a bit and told them what an utter lazy bitch you are and they bought it! Hey I am thrilled you are putting the finishing touches to the house to maximise its value the extra £50,000 it will put on its value will buy lots of holidays for me and my new g/f and a smashing sports car for me to pose in even though I am fat and not great looking. It will attract lots of shallow women after my vast salary! I truly don’t care you and the kids will have to move out of the lovely home you created to a small inadequate one because that’s all you deserve. I paid for everything, so what that put £200,000 on the value of it by your talent and hard work?? Its mine so f*ck off. I am glad you won’t have enough money for essentials for the kids because when I see them (obviously not very often) they will love me for buying what ever they want (because I earn sooooo much money) and they will blame you when they can’t have everything they want. I feel so smug that I have everything I want and you don’t but what I do not like is your strength. I invested much of my time with you trying to destroy your self esteem and look at you……you haven’t said anything nasty, you smile and have made plans. That annoys me deeply as I thought I had broken you. Why when I tried it on with you did you not accept my advances? I needed you to feel bad again and didn’t get the chance. Damn. Is it because I am so bad in bed?????? Oh look at the time!!!! Its cocktail time and my new g/f is waiting by the pool must go. God I hope she hasn’t sussed yet that my premature ejaculation is a permanat thing!! Edited November 23, 2009 by nobmagnet
JaneDoe35 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I think I read this on FL's thread and it made me laugh out loud. I cannot seem to find a thread from you that tells your whole story but this post gives me lots of clues to how your husband has behaved!!!!
Author nobmagnet Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 I havent started a thread apart from daft ones. Its hard to put into words and I couldnt cope if nobody responded:confused: i found out for sure he was having an affairre 15th sept and booted him out. I thought he would beg for forgivness but he was pleased. been a hidious scary time ever since. my kids are messed up and confused and I am down to 7 stone (5ft 6) cant eat,drink too much,smoke too much and generally inside im terrified. I dont really miss "him" because he had been so horrible to be around for 2 years and my life is calmer without his petulant behaviour but i cant seem to stop the part of me that wants him back. I am putting it down to fear. I have 3 kids 17, 7, 6. my 17 year old is so angry its effecting her studies and the others cry a lot and blame me because I was not good enough for Daddy. I am busy looking for work as I have been a homemaker for 6 years and renovating our farm house I cant afford to stay here as i would have to buy himout and I cant. With kids, my ability to get a career is limiting as they need me more than ever rightnow and to get a full timejob on top of moving, changing schools and losing their dad its just too much for them all. I feel guilty I couldnt make him happy, that i wasnt enough and I hate his smugness and lack of understanding of the awful mess he has left behind. He has done nothing about the sale of our home and has left meto sort it out on top of everything else. Then his nasty mum put the boot in last week and it floored me. He is on a working"holiday " with his new g/f in australia. Its agony. We never had holidays. I took the kids away this year for the first time he didnt want to come. They had a smashing time but i cant help but feel like I have been a housekeeper for him all these years. I am lonely and frighted even thoughI have amazing freinds and family. I want to fast forward and get something inmy life sorted. until then?? keep reading these inspiring stories and advice on LS it helps me :Dno end
Northwesthunny Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 keep your chin up hun you DESERVE better! dont feel guilty it was his greedyness that didnt want to stay not that you couldnt keep him happy! I read this below on one of the threads on here and it really helped xxx The Awakening A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all yourfears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside yourhead cries out - ENOUGH!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And,like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions). And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children of what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that you don't know everything: it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people,situations and outcomes. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up". You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want... and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch...and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting,good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to everywonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Author nobmagnet Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 thank you that is insipring! really apreciate it.x
Northwesthunny Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 thank you that is insipring! really apreciate it.x it helped me loads - and everytime im having a down day i know i will take a look over that and i will feel uplifted
JaneDoe35 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I havent started a thread apart from daft ones. Its hard to put into words and I couldnt cope if nobody responded:confused: i found out for sure he was having an affairre 15th sept and booted him out. I thought he would beg for forgivness but he was pleased. been a hidious scary time ever since. my kids are messed up and confused and I am down to 7 stone (5ft 6) cant eat,drink too much,smoke too much and generally inside im terrified. I dont really miss "him" because he had been so horrible to be around for 2 years and my life is calmer without his petulant behaviour but i cant seem to stop the part of me that wants him back. I am putting it down to fear. I have 3 kids 17, 7, 6. my 17 year old is so angry its effecting her studies and the others cry a lot and blame me because I was not good enough for Daddy. I am busy looking for work as I have been a homemaker for 6 years and renovating our farm house I cant afford to stay here as i would have to buy himout and I cant. With kids, my ability to get a career is limiting as they need me more than ever rightnow and to get a full timejob on top of moving, changing schools and losing their dad its just too much for them all. I feel guilty I couldnt make him happy, that i wasnt enough and I hate his smugness and lack of understanding of the awful mess he has left behind. He has done nothing about the sale of our home and has left meto sort it out on top of everything else. Then his nasty mum put the boot in last week and it floored me. He is on a working"holiday " with his new g/f in australia. Its agony. We never had holidays. I took the kids away this year for the first time he didnt want to come. They had a smashing time but i cant help but feel like I have been a housekeeper for him all these years. I am lonely and frighted even thoughI have amazing freinds and family. I want to fast forward and get something inmy life sorted. until then?? keep reading these inspiring stories and advice on LS it helps me :Dno end Of course you have fear, I am so scared it is ridiculous!!! You have 3 children to take care of - those children need to be told in no uncertain terms that this is ultimately their fathers decision as he no longer wishes to be married to their mother. I know the 2 youngest are only 6 & 7 but it is not acceptable for you to be blamed!!! Just my opinion.... Can you get any free counselling for yourself and your children? Either through school, social security agency or even a church....Not sure if you have been getting any professional help but I know it has been really helpful for me. It does not make all the pain disappear but has certainly made me see that this was not all my fault. A person that lies, cheats and essentially leads a double life is the one with the real issues. As far as not eating, I went through that earlier in the mess. I am eating more now but the weight has not come back yet. I am expecting that Christmas will help with that. Just eat a little here and there when you can. Drinking & smoking - I would just cut back a little, wouldn't say give up smoking as you might really go off the deep end if you try that now!!!! I know how frustrating it is to watch them appear to live without a care in the world after leaving you. But just know that it is not all as rosy as it seems for them...I wonder how they even sleep at night. My husband looks awful so maybe his great new life is already catching up with him. Is there any possible way of you keeping your home, at least for a little while? You cannot be forced to sell unless he takes some legal action I believe. Can you speak to the bank and see if they can temporarily put a hold on taking payments until you at least find a job? It is just that you have way too much to think about and if you could take the sale of your home out of the equation for at least a few months it may give you some breathing space. We are here for you...... JDxx
Author nobmagnet Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 bless you button. the motgage is £1300 a month. i cant do the putting off thing as I will have to pay in the long run. We were not married and it complicates stuff here in England. I have very few rights but I am entitled to half the equity in the house (our home boo hoo) so i will not be on the streets. he is pressuring me to sell and I feel if i dont he will stop making payments so then they will persue me and I cant pay it. Its a balancing act of being sencible and being an idiot. its sucks!
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