jlr Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) This is long... Most of you know my story by now. After like 4 months of NC (minus a few random attempts by her), my ex-GF of 5 years (we broke up over a year ago) and I recently started talking again. This isn't the first time. We did it earlier this year. I wanted her back, she was confused. We hung out, had sex, she told me she still loved me, etc. It went off and on for 6 months. She then found some dude and we stopped talking. Then she made some random attempts. I sent her a letter a few months after, telling her she was cruel, and called her out on lots of crap she always tried to dump on me. It was the first time I'd really told her how she was being, where as before I was letting her be an ******* because I wanted her back. I told her in the letter not to contact me for any stupid reasons. Unless she wanted to change all this and fix things, leave me be. She tried to get a hold of me after reading it, I ignored her for a week or so. Finally I gave in. She apologized for a bunch of stuff, said I was right. Said she was messed up. We met up for coffee, it went ok. I thought, ok, maybe she's coming around. She said she wanted to be friends, but "you don't know what the future holds." I can't lie, I had a little bit of hope, but mostly it was nice to hear her say sorry. It was a relief to me. I had always allowed her to place it all on me, and she admitted she did that to ignore her own faults in all of it. Great right? Not so much. As this progressed, it mostly became her needing me emotionally. She called alot over the past few weeks, talking about how messed up she is. How she doesn't know herself. How the new guy sucks and she needs to break it off. She went on and on about us and our past. Same things we've already went over. I noticed she was putting all the stress in her life on me. I was feeling stressed out. I liked talking to her, because I still love her. But it was weird sometimes. She'd talk like I was an outsider to our relationship, saying things about me like I wasn't there. Like I was a new buddy talking about it with her. She was calling late at night to unload all her issues, like I was her therapist. I also noticed it was centered around her, not me. Even if we were supposed to be friends, it was getting very one-sided. My frustrations over this began to seep out. I was getting angry with her, short tempered. I felt like I was just being used. The other day she was talking about us, and we were discusssing that period earlier this year that I mentioned above. It was off and on for like 6 months, and she was trying to blow it off like it happened once of twice. (We haven't had sex during this new period, for the record.) She then started talking about other people she was having sex with at the time, all cold and nonchalantly, like I wasn't there. She said she was smoking alot of weed then and doesn't remember which was which. Classy, right? She then told me she "broke up" with the new guy, but they still have sex. I could see she is still the same confused mess she was then. At this point she even admitted that she was coming to me for the emotional support, while the new guy was the physical support. What the ****, right? So here's the thing. Sorry it took to long to get to... I went over to her house the other night to tell her I was done with all this ****. I was going to be strong. I told her the things I wanted to. She apologized at first, but then made it out that this whole thing is too tough because I have feelings. Like it's all my fault. She started saying how she doesn't want to go out with me. I told her I didn't either if this is how she was. We argued for a while. I think she's like my kryptonite, because then I just couldn't keep it up. I backpedaled. She was like, if this is so hard for you, and you can't handle me being a mess, then maybe I should leave you alone. I got scared. My dad left us when I was young, and it caused a split in my family. Then some of my sisters left too. So I have major abandonment issues. I started thinking "NO!, you don't get to decide this. You barged in, and now you are just gonna leave again, just like that?" So basically, we ended the conversation and nothing was said about ending it our "friendship." I went home with my tail between my legs. I texted her asking her if she still was attracted to me. The whole time I was there, I was thinking about making love to her again. I wanted her to tell me she wasn't thinking that. I said just reply Y or N. She wrote N. I told her I'd never mention the relationship again then. She then texted back a few times, saying like "never again. really? lol :)" I didn't find it funny. I ignored them. I was crying while driving home. Then she called. And I told her I was stupid for having feelings for someone who doesn't give a ****. She said I wasn't. It became another argument and I hung up on her and went to bed. The next morning she sent me a bunch of texts asking if I was ok. And if I want her to leave me alone. I know I need to cut her off. I need to tell her to **** off. And I need to finally move past this. My friends and therapist say I should be angry. I should want to get rid of this stress from my life. I should want to be with someone who makes me happy. And I do. But now I can't muster the courage to deal with it. For the last few days, I've ignored her calls, and when she's texted, I've said I'm busy. I think this is my lesson to learn. When to tell someone who's using me to go to hell and walk away. When to sever the tie. I'm scared to death of it. Edited November 23, 2009 by jlr
rp123 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 What a bitch!!! How manipulative and cruel......!! You Sound like your worth 10 of her. Make it your purpose to extract her from your heart, and waste no more time with her. Rise above her.....And begin to love yourself!!
Thebob Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Move on, the end. She isn't worth your time. Thebob
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