flyswatter04 Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 I have herd that the reasion why some guy's are not that succesful in dating is because they are too nice of a guy to date. Is this true or just an opinion of some women???
Arabess Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 Many times....a guy thinks he is a 'nice guy'....when actually he's just a pain. He rarely takes a hint and calls over and over and over with 'nice' plans for you. He shows up at your door with 'nice' gifts so you have to ask him in....even though you have other things to do. He asks you STUPID questions like "How did you get so beautiful?" and "How does a guy like me get to be with a girl like you?". He thinks he is 'so nice' SURELY you'll feel obligated to date him. So, in MY opinion....YES...they are too friggin 'nice' to date. I'd rather date a guy with a little confidence and self esteem....even if he's an a**h***. That's just MY opinion.....most women are more sensitive....LOL!
moimeme Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 It's the oldest myth in the book. It gets debated endlessly in relationship forums, including this one. I believe it is based upon a guy's fallacious belief that he is 'nice' when he's not so nice.
Arabess Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 Originally posted by dyermaker They'll never admit it... HAHAHA Dyer....I just did! LOL!
dyermaker Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 HAHAHA Dyer....I just did! LOL! I'm sure you did it just to spite me lol
Jon S. Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 I think it has more to do with social climbing - or at least when it comes to women with low self-esteem. They want a guy who is "better" than them. If the guy is exceptionally nice to them, he must be below or at their level, which is no good. In order to climb the social ladder, one must get the attention of those who normally wouldn't pay attention to them.
Vivid_29 Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 And us badguys go for the nicegirls -- Weird, eh?
cindy0039 Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 Originally posted by Arabess Many times....a guy thinks he is a 'nice guy'....when actually he's just a pain. He rarely takes a hint and calls over and over and over with 'nice' plans for you. He shows up at your door with 'nice' gifts so you have to ask him in....even though you have other things to do. He asks you STUPID questions like "How did you get so beautiful?" and "How does a guy like me get to be with a girl like you?". He thinks he is 'so nice' SURELY you'll feel obligated to date him. So, in MY opinion....YES...they are too friggin 'nice' to date. I'd rather date a guy with a little confidence and self esteem....even if he's an a**h***. That's just MY opinion.....most women are more sensitive....LOL! Very well put, Arabess. There's a difference between being "nice" and being clingy, overly sensitive, fake, or just plain trying too hard.
dyermaker Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 I think it has more to do with social climbing - or at least when it comes to women with low self-esteem. They want a guy who is "better" than them. If the guy is exceptionally nice to them, he must be below or at their level, which is no good. I would have to disagree, it has more to do with challenge and interest. A "bad guy" is interesting because they're not nice to you, or they're unavailable and it's more of a challenge to pursue the unavailable.
jenny Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 well, it depends. does nice mean: i cannot get laid, and i can't figure out why, so it must be because women are masochistic. after all, why else would they refuse the glory that is me? if so, then yes, i *do* avoid nice guys because i dislike their logic.
Arabess Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 I think you are right Dyer.... I dated a guy who, on our FIRST date, showed up 1 hour late. He stood at the door and said "No excuses....no apologies. Are you still hungry?". I ended up falling in love with him.
Vivid_29 Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 Originally posted by Arabess I think you are right Dyer.... I dated a guy who, on our FIRST date, showed up 1 hour late. He stood at the door and said "No excuses....no apologies. Are you still hungry?". I ended up falling in love with him. What if he would have been crying and apologizing all night? And then, offered to buy you a dozen, long stemmed white roses, to make it up to you? Viv
moimeme Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 What if he would have been crying and apologizing all night? And then, offered to buy you a dozen, long stemmed white roses, to make it up to you? I might fall in love with him LOL. Mind you, one apology would suffice.
Vivid_29 Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme What if he would have been crying and apologizing all night? And then, offered to buy you a dozen, long stemmed white roses, to make it up to you? I might fall in love with him LOL. Mind you, one apology would suffice. See Moimeme - I posted this because I KNEW you would say something and I said to myself -- '5 minutes and we'll hear from our lovely Moimeme' -- and POOF -- there was your post!
dyermaker Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 I dated a guy who, on our FIRST date, showed up 1 hour late. He stood at the door and said "No excuses....no apologies. Are you still hungry?". I ended up falling in love with him. Grr, of course you did. I hope you know that guy was practicing that line in his 1988 Trans Am all the way to your house.
moimeme Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 See Moimeme - I posted this because I KNEW you would say something Really? (tries - and fails - to feign surprise) Listen, Vivid. Arabess has already staked out territory on your butt. We can't be having turf wars, now can we?
Arabess Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 What if he would have been crying and apologizing all night? And then, offered to buy you a dozen, long stemmed white roses, to make it up to you? I settled for a healthy amount of beer and chicken wings...... 1988 Trans AM??? Naaaa....he had a Honda with his rucksack stored in the back.....IRRESISTABLE! .........never call ME high maintenance....lol!.......
cindy0039 Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 Originally posted by Vivid_29 What if he would have been crying and apologizing all night? And then, offered to buy you a dozen, long stemmed white roses, to make it up to you? Viv Eww, NOT my kind of guy! I'll take something in between the two examples.
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 In my experience, it has nothing to do with being "nice" at all. Usually there is some other personality quirk a female has picked up on, or there just isn't any chemistry or "physical" attraction. And it's often because a guy is so "nice," that a female will avoid hurting his feelings by explaining what that particular quirk is, or what it is about his appearance that just doesn't fan her flames. No woman is going to turn her back on an attractive, well-dressed, intelligent man who has it all together just because "he's nice."
moimeme Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 No woman is going to turn her back on an attractive, well-dressed, intelligent man who has it all together just because "he's nice." Exactly. Precisely. People use 'nice' to describe everything from 'kind and considerate' to 'self-abnegating'. Nobody wants the latter. I'd be astonished if people didn't want the former.
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 I watched a documentary several weeks ago about this precise topic. They took an average man who claimed he could not get any dates because "he was too nice." They set this man up on a date with a very attractive lady and filmed his behavior. In addition to his horrible table manners, the man was incapable of carrying on an adult conversation. When he did talk, he was very negative. The only subject he could converse about was how much he disliked his mother and what a "jerk" his brother was. When the lady tried to change the subject to something more pleasant, he'd turn it around and start complaining again. He had the maturity of a sixteen year old, and when they allowed him to view the video and watch himself in action, he was even surprised himself of how he came off on camera. His inability to keep women interested had nothing at all with him "being nice." As a matter of fact, it was just the opposite!
SoleMate Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 Amy Alkon, aka The Advice Goddess, had a stunningly insightful answer to this misguided question about nice guys. Here it is. And I know Amy is so cool that she'll be glad I posted this here: Seeking his badder half I'm the proverbial nice guy. I've always had problems approaching women, and it hasn't helped that the three women I'm interested in have all gotten involved with major jerks. How can a nice guy turn himself into a not-nice guy so he can get a girlfriend? - Aspiring Jerk The essential dividing line isn't nice and not-nice, it's confidence and no confidence; mojo and nojo. Unlike hailstones, girlfriends do not fall from the sky onto your car hood. Before they're girlfriends, they're girls waiting to be asked out. That's where the jerk comes in. He makes restaurant reservations and buys concert tickets, and considers the girl's yes a mere formality. Should she decline, he'll shrug and turn to her friend. Since he can only go out with three or four women in a single evening, why not try your luck on the fifth and sixth in line? Buy tickets, make reservations, and invite women out until one agrees to join you. In time, you'll realize there's a very good reason women go out with jerks: jerks ask.
SoleMate Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 Amy Alkon, aka The Advice Goddess, had a stunningly insightful answer to this misguided question about nice guys. Here it is. And I know Amy is so cool that she'll be glad I posted this here: Seeking his badder half I'm the proverbial nice guy. I've always had problems approaching women, and it hasn't helped that the three women I'm interested in have all gotten involved with major jerks. How can a nice guy turn himself into a not-nice guy so he can get a girlfriend? - Aspiring Jerk The essential dividing line isn't nice and not-nice, it's confidence and no confidence; mojo and nojo. Unlike hailstones, girlfriends do not fall from the sky onto your car hood. Before they're girlfriends, they're girls waiting to be asked out. That's where the jerk comes in. He makes restaurant reservations and buys concert tickets, and considers the girl's yes a mere formality. Should she decline, he'll shrug and turn to her friend. Since he can only go out with three or four women in a single evening, why not try your luck on the fifth and sixth in line? Buy tickets, make reservations, and invite women out until one agrees to join you. In time, you'll realize there's a very good reason women go out with jerks: jerks ask.
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