angkla76 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been together eight years. He is extremly jealous, and we have always fought a lot. He's always questioning me, accusing me of messing around and stuff. He went away for awhile, I met someone else we moved in together but I just didn't love him and ended it. When my boyfriend came back he found out and even though it was rough at first we worked through it. He swore on his kids he wasn't messing around on me and that he never would. The past six months things have gotten unbearable he's using drugs again and drinking. I got pregnant but at four weeks but lost it. They said it was due to stress. After that I just lost it. Didn't answer when he'd call or go around him. Still we texted and emailed and he promised he loved me and only me and that he'd change, and wait as long as he had to till I was ready. I couldn't take the Name calling, him threatening to hurt me and even my family. I couldn't deal with losing the baby. Yesterday I was driving down the road and came to an intersection. Right in front of me is my boyfriend with some other girl. I couldn't even think I just sat at the stop sign staring at him. Normally he would have ran over to my car, but he just sat there looking but not reacting. Guess he didn't want the girl to know about me. So I wonder has he had her for awhile? Cause I know him well enough that unless she really meant something to him he would have talked to me even if it was just to fight with me. As I pulled away I was in shock. Then the tears, which are still falling. He has not even tried to call me once. I'm wanting to call him but whats the point? Don't even know what I would say to him. After everything he has put me through he's the one that was doing all the stuff he accused me of. I don't know how to move on from this. I love him with all my heart and I've never loved anyone or had anyone make me feel the way he does, when we are not fighting. I've always overlooked things in the past but now I just don't know...
Bejita463 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 You deserve better. Try to focus on that. After everything he has put me through he's the one that was doing all the stuff he accused me of. That is usually how it works, unfortunately. The more unreasonable the jealousy, the more I personally suspect there's a reason they are so jealous. A reason that has nothing to do with me.
Barby Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Wow that is rough...I was in a similar type of relationship for eight years, he was controlling, unreasonably jealous, always swearing I was messing around (even when I stayed at home ALL day and answered his 10 or more phone calls a day from work)...he only put his hands on me once but we moved past that... I went away for awhile, he fell out of love, he slept with someone else, yadda yadda yadda...then I came back...we tried to work things out but knowing he cheated after all he put me through...made me bitter and in being bitter I just couldn't move past it. I thought we could work through it..I moved back in with him (3times) and all three times ended up leaving...I just couldn't let the past go and though I still love him very much..I came to realize that I'm not "in love" with him..we were just a habit for each other. Sorry I didn't mean to make this into my post...what I'm trying to get at is that I can relate. I still miss him and text him and sometimes call him, but the bitter truth is that we are just "over"..... I'm sorry you lost the baby but him not responding to you in anyway when you saw him with another girl really speaks volumes......obviously he is moving on and didn't care that you saw them together....and he hasn't made any attempt at contact....my advice to you is even though it's hard...try and move on. Stop contacting him, don't drive by his home to see who is there....don't feel bad or responsible for the fact that he's back to using....try and do what's best for you by focusing on YOU. If he really cared like he claimed then why would he have had another chick in his car...and why should you have to put up with that after just losing a baby? You have to realize that you deserve better for yourself and take the steps towards getting it!
Ms. Joolie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 You caught him cheating but you still love him? I hope there is not a doubt in your mind what you need to do next. This just didn't 'happen'. He has not given you the respect and cared for the relationship like you need someone to respect and care. This is just not someone you want a relationship with. You may feel you still love him, but you need to understand that he is not offering you your fair share in a relationship. I don't like sounding harsh.... but how is this different from any other man who abuses their relationship? You need to find the strength to let go and walk away. This man is simply not good for you. Even if he begs and pleads for you back.
SageThyme Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 You deserve better. That is just heart-breaking. Where do people get off on doing that? They must be very selfish or very small-minded. I'm sorry you went through that. That is a horrible game he played with you. The worst is when they psych you out and do the opposite of what they are saying. Sometimes, if it's bad enough, they can make you feel like you're crazy. They can hurt you really bad, so stay strong lady!!!! Show them you deserve better; don't accept less.
jerseyboy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Holy **** Count yourself lucky Now you have cause to leave WTF The cheating is the last of the issues you should be worrying over. You get one turn at life babe. Might want to give it a little more than what you are currently accepting
SueBee3490 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 After everything he has put me through he's the one that was doing all the stuff he accused me of. Like everyone says - this is very common for cheaters to accuse you of doing something - when they are really the ones doing it. My bf did this to me. Drove me up the wall with the accusations. I didn't put 2 and 2 together and think he was cheating. I just assumed that since his ex-wife cheated on him - he was unsure of our relationship and thought I was "like her". Boy I was wrong. I would probably try to move on from him. He knew that you caught him and he had to know how terribly upset you'd be - but he does nothing to console you. LIke Jerseyboy said - count yourself lucky. I wasn't so lucky - I married the cheater and wish to God I'd never laid eyes on him!
Author angkla76 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 Thanks to everyone...It's been three very rough days. He has called over 100 times a day and sent all kinds of text messages. One minute he's crying leaving voicemails saying he loves me and can't live without me, the next he's calling me names and threatening to come to my job or my parents house if I don't talk to him. True I miss him, very much, but he's changed and I don't like the way he is now. It's like he has multiple personalities. I'm tired of being threatened, and pushed around. I just want to get through this and keep my sanity. Sad thing is I feel like he's ruined me of ever trusting a man. I know it will be a long time before I can even think about being in a relationship. But maybe thats what I need, a little alone time to take care of myself and get back to doing things I enjoy doing.
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