How do you know if you still love your partner?

[pinkpanther083]

This may be a bit long, but please please help.

 

My partner (is divorced and has 2 children, 4yrs and 9yrs old, I get on well with them but the situation isn't easy). We have been together for just over 2 years, to begin with he wasn't particularly affectionate, he always found showing his feelings difficult. Despite this I was certain about how I felt for him; I loved him.

 

After a while, about a year or so into our relationship, I began to resent the fact that he never said or really showed me how he felt (although my friends and family would tell me it was obvious he loved me). Now after a few ups and downs, and long conversations he has been making more of an effort, the thing is, I'm wondering if it's too late. I don't burst with emotion when I see him, I don't want to rip his clothes off, I don't think I feel enough for him, things are pretty humdrum. I try to make an effort for there to be more of a spark, but I feel like I'm forcing it and willing it to be there rather than it just, being there. I've never lived with somebody before, so I expected the ralationship to feel more settled, but should it feel 'flat'? am I confusing falling out of love with feeling settled? Does that initial spark go after a while or living together in that everyday routine? Or should there be more? In truth I feel like I want more, but why leave one relationship for another that would be the same? or would it??

 

I now find it difficult to fully show my feelings for him, and hold back emotionally, I think I may see him more as a friend. I don't want to be intimate with him and avoid it as mush as possible. A kiss and a cuddle is still nice, but even then I try to avoid it as I know he wants more. The children are getting on my nerves, and I don't enjoy thier visits (they stay over every weekend) anymore, in fact I breathe a sigh of relief when they have gone. I think this could also be affecting the way I feel about my partner and our relationship. I'm confused about how i feel for him, we've lived together for 2 years, and he has been a big part, well the main part of my life during this time.

 

I broke up with him a month ago only to get back together days later, I missed him so much I figured I had made a mistake. But now I'm not so sure.

[harmfulsweetz]

My first thoughts were 'stuck in a rut'. It may be that you guys need a break from each other, this isn't bad. It's about realizing what you want and need, and I think to make that distinction you can't be around him. Has your dislike or dread of his children always been there, or are you less accepting of them because of the uncertainty within the R? If it's the former, I'd worry your R wouldn't last on those grounds.

 

Each person loves differently so one person could say 'I know I still love my partner, because of x, and n.' another could say because of 'z and d' whatever. You need to find out what you feel, and need, he's tried overcoming some issues, it could be that you just need space to miss each other, to understand what you want from this.

 

Good luck.

[Eve]

Maybe you are not ready for a family? A word of caution though - if this is how you usually feel within relationships beyond this one, it could simply be that you will always be this way until you find your own peace. Then you will be able to appreciate things without the need for words all the time. In other words, it may not be the other person who has the problem.

 

I would stay away from the relationship for a while as the kids will be picking up on your negativity.

 

Take care,

Eve xx