Why do they always play games?

[BigTenInchRecord]

Me and my gal broke up a few months back, and have had extremely limited contact since then, maybe about 5 times through text and once in person, for about 5 minutes. The last time we spoke (before this last week) was a little over a month ago, and I texted her. She said she missed talking to me, I asked her if she ever wanted to hang out; I got no reply, then a month of no contact. That hurt quite a bit, but what hurt most is how I could go from being the most important thing in her life to basically not existing. Honestly I never got too bad after the breakup, it was just hard because there were NO signs, and our last time together as a couple was better then ever.

 

So we go to the same college, and if we wanted to could run into each other just about every day, but I think she pretty much avoids me. However last week, out of nowhere, she came up to me and started chatting. She kept saying how much she missed me, how hard it's been with zero contact, saying we gotta chill soon, but for real this time. I was skeptical, but was nice about it. Next day she texts me again asking to hang out soon, basically saying a bunch of "you totally gotta see this and that" kind of stuff.

 

Of course since then (about 4-5 days) I hardly heard a word from her, (I saw her perform in concert I had to attend a few days ago and complimented her, but she didn't seem to care one bit that I didn't say hi in person after). Honestly it's what I expected so I'm not that let down... I just don't understand why she has to resurface when I'm finally starting to get over her, like she was trying to pull me back for no reason? It's annoying because it resurfaced some old feelings and I would have been so much happier had we stayed zero contact.

 

It's just weird because she hasn't really been playing games at all since the split, but the fact that she decides to all of the sudden just really frustrates me. She must have an idea why I hadn't contacted her, so I would assume she would leave me be unless she really wanted to see me...which I kind of thought she did based on her words and even body language in person. Of course now I'm positive won't hear from her for another month, if not more. Seriously just pisses me off.

 

Why do they insist on doing this? I could never imagine treating a person like this. Maybe I've been too nice to her, considering she broke my heart and all.

 

I know it's long, any feedback would be appreciated though.

[j_cali_man]

Sounds like she is lonely and not quite ready to be "cold turkey" with something that was familiar. I'm dealing with an "iceberg" of an ex so I initiated NC to save my heart and not play the games she was with the “I miss you" and such. Her words are to be taken with a grain of salt. Her actions (or inactions) are speaking to you and the signs are pointing for you to stick to NC until she PROVES herself to you. The wishy washy mind games are going on because you allow her back in. So, she comes in, kicks the tires, feeds you a few breadcrumbs, then disappears to leave you hungry again for when she is ready to grace you with her presence. Not cool. Sounds like you wear your heart on your sleeve. Keeping you around makes it easier for her to feel bad for breaking your heart. It cures her guilt. It also make sit easier for her to slide into a new relationship because you are nearby to remind her that she doesn't miss or want to get back with you.

 

F***ing sucks. I recommend NC and sticking to it but of course, your call. You know her better than anyone here. LC sounds good except there are NO boundaries and she is stringing you along.

 

J

[BigTenInchRecord]

Your right man, I can't keep letting her do this to me. It's obvious that she really doesn't have much of an interest in me, and has no problem ignoring me for months on end. I think she got to a point where she really did begin to miss my presence in her life, and was probably scared we'd never speak again, so she decided to initiate contact and let me know she missed me. I think part of the reason I thought it was genuine is because we've been apart for 2 1/2 months, and this is the first time she's really come forward on her own to say she missed me and wanted to hang out. However, once she sees I'm still friendly and open to her, she gets reassurance by thinking things are fine between us, and I'll always be there for her whenever she needs me or wants to talk to me, so she'll disappear yet again...and that's something I can't let happen anymore.

 

It's been tough because I really do love and care for this girl. I know part of what I miss is just a relationship in general, but the fact that I've hardly seen my ex since we split really makes me miss a lot about her. I think part of me thinks that I could re-spark her interest in me by hanging out in person, but the logical part of my brain knows that's not realistic. Because of that though it makes it tough for me to straight out ignore her, because I feel then any chance I had will be ruined. But even though she seemed interested for a few days, it's obvious from her silence that she really has no desire to hang out, or if she does she certainly doesn't care when, even though she said she wanted to "before break", which is coming very soon. I straight up told her let me know when your free and we can hang...and she agreed to that, so she's definitely not waiting on me.

 

Her silence is telling me everything I need to know...but it's clear that I can't keep giving in to her and acting like things are fine every time she feels like talking to me. It's hard to do but I've felt too much hurt and worked way too hard to start moving on without her to just let her ruin that anytime she feels like it. Hopefully she will get the message.

[j_cali_man]

Yea, the silence can be deafening. I am living that now which makes NC a bit easier on my end because she vanished. She even got a Facebook acct, added mutual friends, and promptly blocked me so her actions scream loudly even though we have not spoken. I didn't contact her or anything. Had a mini melt down after all this (about a 1/2 hour ago) because I think that just caught me off guard and cut some tender wounds that were healing. So it's off to the gym in a little while and continued NC. There are so many more things worse than heartbreak like illness, death of loved ones, etc. and I try to constantly remind myself of that. Don't let your ex be wishy washy with you because I think it would hurt more. You get hope---then she crushes you. You get hope again----then crushed again.

The iceberg silence and act of making sure that whatever is going on in her life is blocked from view smothers hope and keeps me from being unrealistic.

Cut her lose.

 

 

J

[BigTenInchRecord]

Good advice man, thanks. It's definitely tough to follow through on it, but at this point I really have no other option. She's already let me down so much that I hardly feel like I even know her anymore. What's even more annoying was that when she started up our brief contact again, I wasn't even considering doing anything that would make her think I want her back, or even really believing it would happen. I really just wanted to come across as friendly and be on decent speaking terms with her, all the while not letting her see how much she really hurt me. She probably took all of my kindness as a response that I was trying to get back with her, which was all she needed to disappear.

 

It's sad to think that as soon as she knew I'd still talk to her, be friendly, and want to see her, she would cut me out of her life again, likely assuming I'd always act like towards her so she could come and go as please. She can't possibly be oblivious to the way she's messing with my heart, but then again she's such a kind soul I can't imagine why she would ever consciously do something like this to me, knowing how it affects me. She's probably doing it and not really realizing the amount of hurt she causes me, but I guarantee somewhere inside her she likes the fact that she thinks she can string me along.

 

Last week when she sought me out in person to tell me she missed me, it made me so happy, like everything I wished would happen was. Now not even a week later I wish more then anything that had never happened, because now the wound seems fresh all over again. It's so damn frustrating.