What you think?

[BTLC23]

It has been basically four months since I have talked to my ex. She wished me happy birthday in September and I asked her something about school but thats it. I sent her this letter to get some closure those who know my situation. It has been 24 hours, I don't expect a response but i want to know that she read it so in a week i may text her "I trust that you have read my letter" then call it a day the ball is in her court. This girl hates my guts, wtf, it might be my ego, but I feel that if i could see her it would change things because its a lot easier to forget about someone when theyre not around and you cant see them or talk to them. During the first month or so after the breakup I could contact and she would respond now she won't I think no contact ****ed it up, I healed but its been so long.

 

 

Hope you have been doing well these last few months. I took the time away from our relationship, to examine myself and what went wrong. I learned more in these few months then throughout our whole relationship. I really feel that this was a blessing in disguise, it snapped me back into reality. I realized how I was wrong on so many levels and I didn't treat you right. I went through a tough time those last few months, basically sabotaging our relationship. Until you ended it, I could not see what I was doing wrong it was my own ego, I thought you would never break up with me so I didn't keep it rolling, I was very selfish. I did not trust you enough when you were giving me signs that you were pulling away. We both know the mistakes I made, I don't need to go through them. This was honestly the biggest lesson I have ever learned in my life, and I learned it at 20 years old. It addressed all of my issues, and now I will never make the same mistakes twice. There are reasons why I was so devastated at the end, patterns. This time away has allowed me to create my own life again and I'm sure you as well. See, when you left last year I never got used to it, I filled my void up with others especially ____, and when he stopped hanging out, the void opened back up. At the same time I was hanging out with ____, and he got me into drugs and I started thinking like a nihilist(look it up, it will ring a bell). If you go back months ago, I became really depressed and would just talk about how ****ed up the world is and how good drugs are. I became very insecure, and smoking a **** load of weed intensified it(stopped smoking and selling in july). Thinking back now I can remember you trying to tell me I was acting like this, you were angry at me that I became a shell of my former self. Most if not all of the stuff I said towards the end was untrue, when I would go onto the internet and diagnose myself with all types of mental diseases. I know it has been months since the end, but it took time for me to figure all this out. Although, I lost you, I got the rest of my life back. If you saw me now, it would remind you of the man you met at ___ many moons ago, confident, funny, driven, all good ****, and best of all I have the knowledge of relationships and have learned so much about myself. It's unfortunate that we have this distance between us, because we'll never get a chance to run into each other. I know this one incident was not the reason, but it sticks out in my mind. The day you came down and I was really drunk, and smoked a ****load. I said some terrible things to you that I won't mention. I did not mean any of them, and I feel so guilty about it. I don't think I ever apologized to you for it. I could sit here and write for hours, but the reason I am writing this letter is not to ask you back because I love you enough to want you to be happy, and If you think I can't make you happy any more so be it. I am writing this letter to you because I never got a chance to say how I really felt, I was so emotional and so distraught all that came through was begging and crying , and I don't want you to remember me that way, that's not me. We both have been through a lot in our lives, very similar circumstances, thats why we clicked. We both are very strong people and we'll get through this.

Edited November 23, 2009 by BTLC23

[j_cali_man]

That is a heartfelt letter. I think that many of us can relate to the pain (that's why we're here). 4 months is a healthy amount of time for NC and to get some healing and self improvement under your belt. My question though is that after such a long period of time, why stimulate the pain and sadness kind of feelings within her with such a heavy letter? Instead, it seems that everything that needed to be said probably was months ago and hopefully she started to miss you a bit by this point. That’s where a quick upbeat into to say hello and maybe set up a coffee or something else simple and fun would play in. A brief get together to NOT talk about the relationship.

 

Have you read into the guides in here on "second chances" and how to slowly ease back into each other's lives after NC? Keep us posted on things.

 

J

[BTLC23]

well I prob knew all this a month ago, but it took a while to figure out. I sent here a text hi like three weeks ago and go no response I figured she was done so I was doing this for me, sure I wanted something out of it. In a week or so I will ask if she read my letter, or maybe not, then wait a couple of more weeks and ask her to meetup. I was using NC to try to get her back which I dont think works. It has helped me heal, but I believe that you have to be in contact with them to make it work.