DenverBachelor Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I am the dumpee and we broke up on October 11'th. I have had absolutely no desire to hook-up or date other women. I feel I'll need at least a good three months to sort my heart out and move forward. Yet, she was with a guy three days after our breakup. Now keep in mind I had issues during our relationship, but I never beat her, lied, cheated, stole or did anything egregious to her. Even if she checked out emotionally weeks prior to the breakup, how could she so easily get back into a new relationship and start dating? Are some people insecure or suffering from very low self-esteem that they constantly need some companion in their life. Are women more than men afraid to spend some time alone and out of a relationship? Am I wrong for wanting a few months off from the dating scene to heal? Maybe I'm the odd man out here ...
Ultiman Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I am the dumpee and we broke up on October 11'th. I have had absolutely no desire to hook-up or date other women. I feel I'll need at least a good three months to sort my heart out and move forward. Yet, she was with a guy three days after our breakup. Now keep in mind I had issues during our relationship, but I never beat her, lied, cheated, stole or did anything egregious to her. Even if she checked out emotionally weeks prior to the breakup, how could she so easily get back into a new relationship and start dating? Are some people insecure or suffering from very low self-esteem that they constantly need some companion in their life. Are women more than men afraid to spend some time alone and out of a relationship? Am I wrong for wanting a few months off from the dating scene to heal? Maybe I'm the odd man out here ... Im a month into my break up and i already feel the urge to be dating again. To each his own but its true what u say, women do seem to have low self esteem and need constant attention from the opposite sex, my ex did the same hooked up with another guy the day after we broke up and I havent done the same in a month, though i feel the coming to an end very very soon
USMCHokie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 They can "move on" so soon because, as I said about an hour ago in a different thread, they can just show up, get showered with male attention, and be in a new "relationship" in a matter of hours...some do it because they've checked out long ago and were ready for something new, or they were already seeing him, or they just need a distraction from thinking about their ex...and the quickest way to get over someone is by finding someone new... The longer it takes you to get back in the dating game, the more emotionally attached I think you were to your ex...but like ultiman said, everyone's different...I'm 4+ months out, and I still don't have much of a desire to date someone new...and I'm actually very OK with that... Whatever you do, DO NOT put a timeline on your healing...you will either miss out on an amazing opportunity with an amazing person, or you could get back into the game earlier than you should be...either way, take it a day at a day and enjoy your life...
Ultiman Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Yes about the timeline. Life is so unpredictable that to say it will take you 3 months to move on is impossible. Honestly you really dont know wat will happen and for all you know you might be walking through the supermarket one of these days, make eye contact with a cute girl and feel that rush again...
j_cali_man Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Ultiman, Your whole vibe and way you seem to be thinking about things comes off as someone who will heal in the not too distant future. Maybe another month or so. I agree that there is no timeline and I am sure you will have your tough days. I am sucking wind because as far as I know my ex is single but the day will come when she isn't. Keep your chin up. J
nobleguy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Whatever you do, DO NOT put a timeline on your healing...you will either miss out on an amazing opportunity with an amazing person, or you could get back into the game earlier than you should be...either way, take it a day at a day and enjoy your life... I can't stress this enough either. No hard and fast rules. If you find you meet someone then great. If you don't then great. Don't let pressure in either direction allow you miss out or make a horrible mistake.
ditched Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 im sure it's different for everyone. But, i've been broken up almost six months and last week i went on my first date since. AND it was like pulling teeth just to get out to see this new girl, and the whole time i was with her, i felt guilty. And even now, the new girl is trying to see me again and i can't do anything but avoid her. i ran into my ex three months ago and she happened to be on the fourth date with some schlepp.
USMCHokie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 im sure it's different for everyone. But, i've been broken up almost six months and last week i went on my first date since. AND it was like pulling teeth just to get out to see this new girl, and the whole time i was with her, i felt guilty. And even now, the new girl is trying to see me again and i can't do anything but avoid her. i ran into my ex three months ago and she happened to be on the fourth date with some schlepp. For me, it's not really about the guilt...if I found a good girl, I'd have no reservations about pursuing her for a relationship...the problem is that every girl I meet is incredibly lame...or unattractive...because the bar has been set so high...it's not that I'm trying to purposely compare these new girls to my ex...but I guess I am...
silic0ntoad Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 First. Take your ex off the pedastal. You created the pedastal, and even if you deny it, subconsciously, she is above all the ones you meet. You need MORE TIME to heal before you can date. Trust me on this. Secondly, women are fickle. They check out long before you know it, and then BAM - end of the relationship, there she is two days later banging the milkman. It's the way this sh*t always goes man. It's life. It sucks, but it's how it goes. I'll also tell you this ahead of time: She is gone. Not coming back. You need to come to grips with that so you can move on. But remove her stupid self from the pedastal in your mind and then you'll find everything you need and are deserving of.
health Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Exact thing happened to me. I would never marry a girl who has a history of rebounds. They set themselves up for misery. The rebound will not have true intimacy in it. It's a temporary band aid. They don't fully heal, and learn. Some rebounds are temp relationships and can ease the pain but when people make them into long term relationships they end up in disaster. They are trying to quick fix the process which never works. Healing takes time. I hope you heal well.
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