9Lives Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 It seems like men take longer to start to miss their exgf than women. We seem to miss you quickly but it seems like with guys, it take longer. Does anyone agree?
USMCHokie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Eh, I would tend to disagree...my opinion is that women have it MUCH easier in moving on...they can simply go out and be showered with attention from men...because that's how our society works...men are generally seen as the chasers, so women just have to show up and go along for the ride...with all this new found attention, there is no need to look back at a broken relationship, as they've found something new to keep their mind occupied...sometimes they have to get to a certain point with another guy before realizing what they threw away with their ex...and sometimes they never look back... Guys, on the other hand, have to actively move on...and oftentimes their emotions and spirits are broken from the breakup and they have no interest in meeting new women...and they probably lack the self-confidence to do so since their breakup...so instead of getting out of there, their minds linger around their ex...because it was the last feeling of love and attention that they felt... But each person is different...
Boundary Problem Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I love the generalizations on this site. If you miss companionship, then ask a friend to visit.
Ultiman Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Eh, I would tend to disagree...my opinion is that women have it MUCH easier in moving on...they can simply go out and be showered with attention from men...because that's how our society works...men are generally seen as the chasers, so women just have to show up and go along for the ride...with all this new found attention, there is no need to look back at a broken relationship, as they've found something new to keep their mind occupied...sometimes they have to get to a certain point with another guy before realizing what they threw away with their ex...and sometimes they never look back... Guys, on the other hand, have to actively move on...and oftentimes their emotions and spirits are broken from the breakup and they have no interest in meeting new women...and they probably lack the self-confidence to do so since their breakup...so instead of getting out of there, their minds linger around their ex...because it was the last feeling of love and attention that they felt... But each person is different... You are so right. I go out and have to work at getting a girl to notice me which after breaking up with my ex is something i really dont give a fuuck about right now. My ex on the other hand just has to show up and tadah the guys hound her like dogs.
Boundary Problem Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 You are so right. I go out and have to work at getting a girl to notice me which after breaking up with my ex is something i really dont give a fuuck about right now. My ex on the other hand just has to show up and tadah the guys hound her like dogs. Interesting
USMCHokie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 If you miss companionship, then ask a friend to visit. Companionship is only one of the many elements of a relationship...
Boundary Problem Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Companionship is only one of the many elements of a relationship... Let me rephrase, If you miss companionship, love and attention then ask a friend to visit.
Ultiman Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Let me rephrase, If you miss companionship, love and attention then ask a friend to visit. A friend can never love you in the same way a lover can....
aviation_chick Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 men totally move on faster, its just horrible for those with broken hearts!
USMCHokie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 A friend can never love you in the same way a lover can.... Yea, my buddies, although dreamy, don't really do it for me...
USMCHokie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you'll get different responses depending on who is responding... Female - guys move on faster Male - girls move on faster I guess that could save everyone some time...
McGrupp Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 i think females can move on way faster, our friends (male) are basically drinking buddies and work friends. we talk sports, and girls and stuff. woman have sisters, mothers and always a best friend. they have a shoulder to cry on. we have to "man up" and stop being a pussy. a girl can mope for a year, but go out any night of the week and bring home a guy. guys now have to hit and chase women, something they probablly havent done in a long time, all the time bottiling up huge emotional scars and fears and lonliness and rejection and self esteem crap.
JaggedRoad Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I guess it depends on who emotionally detached him or herself from the relationship before it was officially ended.
USMCHokie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I guess it depends on who emotionally detached him or herself from the relationship before it was officially ended. I generally agree with this...dumper/dumpee is a more telling factor than gender when it comes to this topic...
Toki Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 My thoughts on this are, some people move on faster because they want to forget, and some who are emotionally fragile need to be with someone right out of the gate. My ex girlfriend, who had a laundry list of emotional problems was with someone else about three weeks after we broke up; me on the other hand, its been well over a year, and I'm not planning on dating, or having a girlfriend for as long as it takes, I kind of like the independence, even if there isn't females abound. I'm not so fragile as to need to be loved. Different people react differently to similar situations.
carhill Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Yea, my buddies, although dreamy, don't really do it for me... Not even if they kiss like a Hoover? OP, reading the last thread of yours I posted to, and some more recent ones, it sounds like you're still having difficulties letting go of an ex and perhaps vice versa, even though he cheated. Do I miss my stbx (we're married)? No. Do I miss who I was when I loved her? Yes. It has nothing to do with her. I can love someone else like that, or differently. I think, if you have less contact with your ex and more alone (non-dating) time, you'll find the answers you seek.
PinkToes Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I generally agree with this...dumper/dumpee is a more telling factor than gender when it comes to this topic... As generalizations go, I agree with this one. Attention from random men wouldn't have any effect at all if I were still in love with my ex.
TheLoneSock Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 men totally move on faster, its just horrible for those with broken hearts! So does that mean a girl's 'indifferent' attitude after a break up is all a facade? Someone on this site said it best; the person who moves on the fastest is the one who is the least obessive. I'd have to agree with that for the most part.
USMCHokie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 So does that mean a girl's 'indifferent' attitude after a break up is all a facade? It all depends on the situation and the girl... The person who moves on the fastest is the one who is the least obessive. Or the one with the most options after the breakup...
MinTea Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 my opinion is that women have it MUCH easier in moving on...they can simply go out and be showered with attention from men...because that's how our society works...men are generally seen as the chasers, so women just have to show up and go along for the ride...with all this new found attention, there is no need to look back at a broken relationship, as they've found something new to keep their mind occupied... I see what you mean by this and it makes a lot of sense, but I don't quite agree. My friends have been making sure I get out of the appartment since my breakup, and some guys have approached me durring these outings. It's sort of a boost to be getting that attention, but I wouldn't run off with them. And I end up feeling guilty about chatting with them even though I had nothing wrong. I know who it is that I want, and it's not them. I think about my ex more when talking to other guys, even though I try not to. I kind of wish that I could use them as an escape sometimes lol. Guess I'm just strange.
USMCHokie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I see what you mean by this and it makes a lot of sense, but I don't quite agree. My friends have been making sure I get out of the appartment since my breakup, and some guys have approached me durring these outings. It's sort of a boost to be getting that attention, but I wouldn't run off with them. And I end up feeling guilty about chatting with them even though I had nothing wrong. I know who it is that I want, and it's not them. I think about my ex more when talking to other guys, even though I try not to. I kind of wish that I could use them as an escape sometimes lol. Guess I'm just strange. This is not strange at all. Every person and every breakup is different...some girls have personalities in which require constant attention while others are ok with living on their own...and some may have grown more emotionally attached to their ex than others...so it will take some time to talk with new guys without thinking about the ex...and there's sometimes the rare case where the girl still loves the guy but the relationship couldn't work out for practical reasons...so to ease the pain, she tries to move on as quickly as possible...so she finds someone new to keep her mind off the ex... So many possibilities...
TheLoneSock Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 It all depends on the situation and the girl... Exactly Or the one with the most options after the breakup... In my opinion a person's own self resolve it what get's them through in the long run. A lot of that has to do with how obessive their personality is. That's why I agree with that statement. Options are definitely a big plus, that's for sure - but I think the basics of their personality matter more.
USMCHokie Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 In my opinion a person's own self resolve it what get's them through in the long run. A lot of that has to do with how obessive their personality is. That's why I agree with that statement. Options are definitely a big plus, that's for sure - but I think the basics of their personality matter more. Very much agreed. But I prefer to use the word character...as this describes the deeper essence of a person...their values, morals, and priorities in life...for me, personality only goes as far as behaviors, preferences, and habits... But back on point, you're totally right. Some people jump from relationship to relationship just to get that short-term fix from their last breakup...without taking the time to reconcile the last relationship and identify and fix problems so that they don't make the same mistakes...but instead, they just end up a terrible mess and wonder why...
Bulldozed Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Well in my case my exgf has chronically low, self-esteem. And I think in response to one of the earlier posts, she has to be with someone quickly that will stroke her ego and make her feel great and appreciated. I provided that for her when she split from her ex, and damn it if only I'd found LS back then not only would I have big bucks in the bank (paid off all of her debt to help us), but I wouldn't be writing this now. Not only did I ignore our mutual friends advice "to be careful" as she's been married twice, and her ex prior to me was an alcoholic drugdealer, I allowed her into my life. I think McGrupp posted a link on here a while back on how to recognize if you're dating a loser or not: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171 Point number 2 rings home with me, but not as quick as the article describes. Mine cheated on me xmas week 07', then came grovelling back begging for forgiveness. Literally 2 wks later she was talking about having my babies and marriage. What a F U C K I N G fool I was....flash forward to this past September she wants to take a break, then 3 wks later she's shacked up with her good friends ex-husband....I know you've heard this all before from me.....it's just so unbelievable to me how I allowed myself to be such a fool....I've come to grips with the fact that knowing I should have broken up months ago, I didn't....instead I tried to make things work...I guess I'm just angry with myself...
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