Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 I think I'm just getting over the begging phase. I don't feel any need to beg. Unlike you guys I have one disadvantage and that is me going away for 2 months. You're dead on about what the trip did to her, she said she realised things. Realising things + txt terrorism = bad bad. It doesn't help that she went on the trip with 2 guys and 1 girl. Would NEVER have txt terrorised her otherwise. NC is what I need to clear my mind. As you said, her friends were supportive of me when I was with her saying I'm the best guy ever and she shouldn't let go of me. Break up? They support her for it too.
amtz Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I had typed a long reply last night, but for some reason LS logged me out!! I'm no expert in the matter but all I can say to you is this....First and for most don't feel bad about the NC situation remember she was the one braking up with you and as much as it hurts you most respect/accept this FACT. Unless you want to live in hell for a longer period I would suggest blocking/deleting her from any social network, it's either this or find out "how much fun she's having with out you" which will only make things harder for YOU!! This said as someone earlier said it... yo-yo will only make you look like a clown and certainly you don't want that at all!!! You want your EX to see you as a person that can handle things mature or in other words with BALLS!!! I know your mind is a total mess, but think before you act last but not least don't loose hope!!! To be honest you broke-up practically yesterday (3 weeks ago). It might take a few more weeks or perhaps months, but I guarantee you that one day you will have a nice calm chat with your ex, and best of all by then I assure you that you will be calm and see things differently perhaps even be with someone else... Unless you beat the living crap out of your ex and had hard sex with someone else right next to her, then perhaps kiss her good bye!!! LOL!! Put it this way... (I hope it makes sense if not please excuse me) If it wasn't for my ex that dumped me 2 years ago would I met my other ex a year later which was 10X better? And if it wasn't for my ex which was 10X better that had dumped me a year later would I have met my most recent ex that was 100X better?? (Metaphorically speaking) Just remember above all things you are not alone. Many members of LS if not all. Have experienced what you are going through (me as well) lost their appetite, had little to no sleep, cried from sunrise to dawn, practically lived in hell!! Or at least that is what I felt this past month. Despite all odds never loose hope and let time take its course, life is full of surprises By all means enjoy your trip out of the country for me Will pray for you
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 I had typed a long reply last night, but for some reason LS logged me out!! I'm no expert in the matter but all I can say to you is this....First and for most don't feel bad about the NC situation remember she was the one braking up with you and as much as it hurts you most respect/accept this FACT. Unless you want to live in hell for a longer period I would suggest blocking/deleting her from any social network, it's either this or find out "how much fun she's having with out you" which will only make things harder for YOU!! This said as someone earlier said it... yo-yo will only make you look like a clown and certainly you don't want that at all!!! You want your EX to see you as a person that can handle things mature or in other words with BALLS!!! I know your mind is a total mess, but think before you act last but not least don't loose hope!!! To be honest you broke-up practically yesterday (3 weeks ago). It might take a few more weeks or perhaps months, but I guarantee you that one day you will have a nice calm chat with your ex, and best of all by then I assure you that you will be calm and see things differently perhaps even be with someone else... Unless you beat the living crap out of your ex and had hard sex with someone else right next to her, then perhaps kiss her good bye!!! LOL!! Put it this way... (I hope it makes sense if not please excuse me) If it wasn't for my ex that dumped me 2 years ago would I met my other ex a year later which was 10X better? And if it wasn't for my ex which was 10X better that had dumped me a year later would I have met my most recent ex that was 100X better?? (Metaphorically speaking) Just remember above all things you are not alone. Many members of LS if not all. Have experienced what you are going through (me as well) lost their appetite, had little to no sleep, cried from sunrise to dawn, practically lived in hell!! Or at least that is what I felt this past month. Despite all odds never loose hope and let time take its course, life is full of surprises By all means enjoy your trip out of the country for me Will pray for you Wow thanks for the reply . Yeah it is very hard. The one person I finally open up to and knows every little thing about me, is suddenly a stranger. I do hope I will learn from this relationship. Do you find yourself thinking about your old ex when you were with ur new? Thats something I hope I won't feel. Its funny that I never went out with anyone even though they were basically telling me they liked me because I believed that true love will come to me itself. My ex and I happened naturally. We grew from strangers to friends to close friends to couples and now, strangers again. I hope you the very best with your ex too. The reason I reply so fast here is because when I am depressed (like a moment ago), your motivations provide me relief. Thanks LS board for being supportive to a stranger like me. And thanks for putting up with the weakness I've allowed myself to show here.
amtz Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 No worries mate that is what I'm here for... Helping others helps me heal my own heart. And yes I do think of my previous ex's, but only to laugh of how stupid I was to think I wouldn't fall in love again Once again you are not alone!!! I like you was feeling sad an hour ago and that is why every night I stay up late posting here. It makes me feel calm and best of all I can get a good night sleep knowing I helped someone else. Will pray for you
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 No worries mate that is what I'm here for... Helping others helps me heal my own heart. And yes I do think of my previous ex's, but only to laugh of how stupid I was to think I wouldn't fall in love again Once again you are not alone!!! I like you was feeling sad an hour ago and that is why every night I stay up late posting here. It makes me feel calm and best of all I can get a good night sleep knowing I helped someone else. Will pray for you Sleep well . You're a nice person and deserve good sleeps. Sometimes I ask myself whether I am only this way because I'm the dumpee and my ego is too high and can't accept the break or whether I am really deeply in love with her. I won't contact her until I know what I'm really feeling. Fluctuating emotions and conflicting thoughts is taking over me constantly and is definitely not healthy for me to be friends with her again. Well, I'm kind of glad that this break up happened before the vacation as I was going to pay $200 to switch the flight for a shorter duration because I know I will miss her deeply. Everything seems so perfectly planned, that I go on a vacation right after I get dumped. Oh and the other day I got a dejavu when I was playing pool and my friends were asking me about the break up. That was freaky, and no I'm not insane .
amtz Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Sleep well . You're a nice person and deserve good sleeps. Sometimes I ask myself whether I am only this way because I'm the dumpee and my ego is too high and can't accept the break or whether I am really deeply in love with her. I won't contact her until I know what I'm really feeling. Fluctuating emotions and conflicting thoughts is taking over me constantly and is definitely not healthy for me to be friends with her again. Well, I'm kind of glad that this break up happened before the vacation as I was going to pay $200 to switch the flight for a shorter duration because I know I will miss her deeply. Everything seems so perfectly planned, that I go on a vacation right after I get dumped. Oh and the other day I got a dejavu when I was playing pool and my friends were asking me about the break up. That was freaky, and no I'm not insane . Well bro things happen for a reason... I remember my ex telling me a month ago that the bank were I have my finances was trying to contact me. She never told me for what reasons because she couldn't remember what they told her... Today I woke up and the phone rang it was from the same bank to notify me that I had one a trip to 3 exotic beaches in Mexico of my choice that included 4 nights in a five star hotel for 4 people FREE. Certainly I will have a great new year vacations that will help me a lot for healing therapy!!! God or who ever you have faith in rewards you for your good actions, so pretty much if you gave it your best you will get rewarded sooner or later. As Mother Teresa once said "Always give till it hurts" Will pray for you
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 Well bro things happen for a reason... I remember my ex telling me a month ago that the bank were I have my finances was trying to contact me. She never told me for what reasons because she couldn't remember what they told her... Today I woke up and the phone rang it was from the same bank to notify me that I had one a trip to 3 exotic beaches in Mexico of my choice that included 4 nights in a five star hotel for 4 people FREE. Certainly I will have a great new year vacations that will help me a lot for healing therapy!!! God or who ever you have faith in rewards you for your good actions, so pretty much if you gave it your best you will get rewarded sooner or later. As Mother Teresa once said "Always give till it hurts" Will pray for you Wow nice. Well I'm not so lucky. $900 for reversing into a jeep because she felt like stopping on my blindspot when logic tells me there won't be a car there or maybe she would honk. $600 fine recently. Get dumped. I've never been this unlucky in my whole life. The only good thing is, I'm losing weight due to no appetite. Not that I'm fat but its good to lose off those extra belly fat thats clinging on .
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 I don't know if you guys experience this but I just realised that I don't remember much about what I did after the break up until now. I know I did alot, going out and all that but I don't remember much specifics. Not that it matters, but I'm just curious if any of you had this occurrence.
blackbear_703 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) Hey Eskimo-- I've read your thread and I just wanted to say Hang in there because things are gonna get better before you know it! It's hard at first, but your heart and spirit will gradually heal over the coming weeks. Just focus on healing your heart, turn off that sad music (if you've got any playing), and play some good, upbeat music! That helps me a lot. Like you my own ex broke up with me overnight almost two weeks ago. Apart from the fact that we'd had a huge blow-up that we should've recovered from, I couldn't figure out why. It was quite a shock to me. One I'm still trying to take in..... As for NC, that is definitely the best way to go, esp. since she was the one who says she wanted space and broke up with you. I'd block her from my MSN, but just restrict her access to my Facebook and of course hide her updates. That way you won't know about any fun she's having and if she wants to reconnect with you (and assuming you want to give her another chance as a friend or otherwise), you can save yourself the embarrassment of having to re-add her to all your networks. All in all you might want to wait a little while longer before deleting her altogether from anything. Also, if she tries to get in touch, I'd also try communicating with her in a more subtle way. That was what I did with my ex this morning when she sent a "Where are you? Are you ok?" msg on my MySpace site after two days of NC. I just posted some Elvis glitter on her MySpace site and left it at that! No personal messages, no "Happy Thanksgiving," no nothing. Just Elvis dancing and singing on stage. Not only does she know I'm ok, but it conveyed the message that I haven't completely disappeared from her life (which is why she objected to NC at first). Of course it also gave me a good laugh when I needed it this morning! hahaha Like the rest of the LSers have said, no matter what, keep the focus of NC on yourself, not her or getting back together with her. You need to focus on regaining your strength and self-respect and getting back to normal. Also, focus on healing your heart so when the day comes when you meet someone else or reconnect with her, you'll be ready and all this pain will be long gone. Good luck and hang in there! And remember to turn on that upbeat music and get something to eat! P.S. Why Elvis you ask? I just happened to have a Elvis MySpace glitter site handy and didn't want to spend the morning scouring the Web for something more appropriate! lol Edited November 26, 2009 by blackbear_703 Got my mornings and nights mixed up:S
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) Sad to hear about your situation too. Thanks for your input. Yeah I don't play sad music, but last night I couldn't resist the temptation of listening to a recording on my phone of both of us fooling around. Yup, bad idea. Mm just woken up to a dream of her yet again, where she suddenly holds my hand again and everything went back to normal. These dreams have to go =/... I find myself asking this one big question that I can't seem to understand. Is it possible that the person you once loved and missed every day can suddenly be someone you have no feelings for? It keeps going through my mind how she can just lose feeling basically overnight. It kills my mind to even imagine myself being able to do it. And I know that she was deeply in love with me so its not the case of her not loving me in the first place. She took 2 weeks to get over her ex that dumped her, and she has told me that she realised she loves me alot more than him.. and now she gets over me in like a day. I also forgot to add that she told me on the day of breakup that she cried on the shoulder of another girl-friend because she was confused. I know you guys go through similar situations as me but I need somewhere to post my thoughts and I hope you guys don't think I view my story as any more important than your breakups. Edited November 26, 2009 by EskimoPassingBy
amtz Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Sad to hear about your situation too. Thanks for your input. Yeah I don't play sad music, but last night I couldn't resist the temptation of listening to a recording on my phone of both of us fooling around. Yup, bad idea. Mm just woken up to a dream of her yet again, where she suddenly holds my hand again and everything went back to normal. These dreams have to go =/... I find myself asking this one big question that I can't seem to understand. Is it possible that the person you once loved and missed every day can suddenly be someone you have no feelings for? It keeps going through my mind how she can just lose feeling basically overnight. It kills my mind to even imagine myself being able to do it. And I know that she was deeply in love with me so its not the case of her not loving me in the first place. She took 2 weeks to get over her ex that dumped her, and she has told me that she realised she loves me alot more than him.. and now she gets over me in like a day. I also forgot to add that she told me on the day of breakup that she cried on the shoulder of another girl-friend because she was confused. I know you guys go through similar situations as me but I need somewhere to post my thoughts and I hope you guys don't think I view my story as any more important than your breakups. This happens quiet often mate. I as many here were told by our EX's that they would love us forever, that they saw them selves with us years to come, that they wanted to have kids with us etc... And all of a sudden they brake up with little to no reason!!! Frankly us as dumpees suffer more in the beginning as to the dumper there are cases when they feel sudden remorse in the future, but like I said in my previous post you must let time take its course and allow you to heal which is more important than rather wait and see when your ex will have remorse of what she did to you. Will pray for you
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) Thanks. Even though I tell myself theres no point wondering anything, I can't stop this weird feeling I have. I have plenty of time so I guess that will do the job. It sucks that she seems to be having so much fun and not even a single thought about me. Its definitely hard to stray my mind away from her and focus on my own to heal. But I'm getting there =) Edited November 26, 2009 by EskimoPassingBy
blackbear_703 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Sad to hear about your situation too. Thanks for your input. Yeah I don't play sad music, but last night I couldn't resist the temptation of listening to a recording on my phone of both of us fooling around. Yup, bad idea. Mm just woken up to a dream of her yet again, where she suddenly holds my hand again and everything went back to normal. These dreams have to go =/... I find myself asking this one big question that I can't seem to understand. Is it possible that the person you once loved and missed every day can suddenly be someone you have no feelings for? It keeps going through my mind how she can just lose feeling basically overnight. It kills my mind to even imagine myself being able to do it. And I know that she was deeply in love with me so its not the case of her not loving me in the first place. She took 2 weeks to get over her ex that dumped her, and she has told me that she realised she loves me alot more than him.. and now she gets over me in like a day. I also forgot to add that she told me on the day of breakup that she cried on the shoulder of another girl-friend because she was confused. I know you guys go through similar situations as me but I need somewhere to post my thoughts and I hope you guys don't think I view my story as any more important than your breakups. Better put away any and all pics, recordings, etc. of her somewhere where you won't see them. You esp. want to put away those more intimate pics and recordings and not look at them for another year or two. Better yet, put those away where you definitely won't see them or stumble upon them by accident. I've already done the same thing. Those dreams, and all the Whys and What-Ifs are normal parts of the break-up process. We try to make sense of it all and absorb the harsh reality as much as we can. Dreams are probably the hardest part since that's when everything goes back to the way it was and I should know b/c I just woke up from a pretty happy dream with my ex myself. I dreamed she came to me, gave me a nice little gift, and said she wanted to give us another chance. Then I woke up..... For me, as tough as it's been, this break-up is a lot easier than my last one in many ways. That one took me well over two years to get over and was hard since she and I had a deeply spiritual relationship that ended almost overnight. This was something my current ex and I never really had and I guess it was a good thing. Hmmm....your ex and I did something similiar. Yours cried on the shoulder of a friend while mine posted a Facebook entry about being confused and wanting to be left alone. I wonder why we never found out these things until after the break-up??? Keep hanging in there and we're here if you need us.
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 (edited) I think my ex is well away from the confusion now. She managed to use other problems in our relationship and add it to her sudden confusion to tell herself that the relationship is not what she wants. This is something I just realised today after remembering what she told me before the trip, that she could never dump someone she still loves. My ex just joined this group on facebook! 'You're online and I want to talk to you but I'm not saying hi first'. Who else does she want to talk to? Me and her are the only one in NC. Man these things confuse me. Edited November 27, 2009 by EskimoPassingBy
blackbear_703 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I think my ex is well away from the confusion now. She managed to use other problems in our relationship and add it to her sudden confusion to tell herself that the relationship is not what she wants. This is something I just realised today after remembering what she told me before the trip, that she could never dump someone she still loves. My ex just joined this group on facebook! 'You're online and I want to talk to you but I'm not saying hi first'. Who else does she want to talk to? Me and her are the only one in NC. Man these things confuse me. I think mine is at the same point. Last week she was very emotional, telling me she needed to be with me, she still loved me, etc. During the few times I talked to her this week, she treated me more like a casual acquaintance than a friend or love. It started depressing me just being around her, so that's when I finally decided to go for NC Tuesday whether she wanted it or not. I just can't handle being "friends" at this point in time. Judging by my own ex's swiftness to break up plus some of the other signs like finding less time to see me (which she attributed to work), talking less than before, etc, I'd say she fell out of love with me months ago and just used this blow-up of ours as her chance to get out. Oh yeah, there's also all the stress from our failed marriage plans and all the subsequent blow-ups we had from that. Yep, I know the feeling about Facebook. At this moment mine is online at MSN and I have her blocked. Also she was online at MySpace earlier when I posted a lengthy comment to one of our friends, but not to her. NC really is a strange feeling, esp. as far as cyberspace goes.
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 (edited) Sometimes don't you just wish you knew what they truly feel then you can just get over the wondering process which takes up so much of our thoughts? I'm appearing offline now. It seems she has me blocked? I have no idea and the only mutual friends I have with her are guys that wants her. So not going to ask them. Lol break up is like a mind game. I find myself wondering how she could sleep hugging a bear I gave her, having hello kitties in wedding costume on her bed, hello kitty phone hangar and couple phones with me and not feel anything at all for me. And the funniest thing I find about break up is, the person I understand most is now the person I least understand. Edited November 27, 2009 by EskimoPassingBy
blackbear_703 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Sometimes don't you just wish you knew what they truly feel then you can just get over the wondering process which takes up so much of our thoughts? I'm appearing offline now. It seems she has me blocked? I have no idea and the only mutual friends I have with her are guys that wants her. So not going to ask them. Lol break up is like a mind game. I find myself wondering how she could sleep hugging a bear I gave her, having hello kitties in wedding costume on her bed, hello kitty phone hangar and couple phones with me and not feel anything at all for me. And the funniest thing I find about break up is, the person I understand most is now the person I least understand. Well I'm sure those Hello Kitty items and the bear will soon be painful reminders to her of what she gave up with you...if they aren't already! But yeah I know that feeling all too well. In fact I really wish she'd told me all along how she truly felt about things and a lot of the blow-ups we had could've been avoided period. I've noticed over the past couple of days that my ex comes online at MSN from time to time for a couple of minutes...typically at times when I'm usually online. Maybe she is checking to see if I'm around??? It's strange since I have her blocked. Another strange feeling is that the pics of me and of us together are still featured prominently on her MySpace site, which she uses much more than Facebook. I've already taken them down from mine since it got me pretty upset when I saw them yesterday. Not sure if she just hasn't gotten around to taking them down or what, but it's still strange.
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 Lol yeah.. those are all things I gave her just for her birthday which was at the start of this month. Unlike you, I find myself re-adding my ex at times I know she will come on and I don't know why. I know there is no point in doing it. I find myself wondering how dumpers can forget about the past. Do they really forget? Will it pop up again in future? or maybe shes just happily doing things now and I'm thinking too much? These questions kill =o.
blackbear_703 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Lol yeah.. those are all things I gave her just for her birthday which was at the start of this month. Unlike you, I find myself re-adding my ex at times I know she will come on and I don't know why. I know there is no point in doing it. I find myself wondering how dumpers can forget about the past. Do they really forget? Will it pop up again in future? or maybe shes just happily doing things now and I'm thinking too much? These questions kill =o. Actually I have re-added my ex twice over the past week at MSN...I just used a special feature in my MSN client that re-adds a person to your buddy list without their knowing it (provided you are in theirs)! As you can tell, yeah it does hurt sometimes to see her online, but I just can't bring myself to delete her yet...esp. when the line of communication is still open. In all honesty, I don't see how your ex could forget you given all the time you guys spent together, all the gifts you gave her, all the love you two shared, and everything else. I've heard it been said before that the dumper probably feels the same way as the dumpee, but the only difference is they have to force themselves to be stone cold. So while it may seem she has forgotten, chances are she probably hasn't and won't.
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 (edited) I hope she doesn't get notifications when I re-add her! I don't think she does if I'm on her list already? Yeah its hard for me to imagine how she can forget those. Edit: Yup she doesn't get notifications. Edited November 27, 2009 by EskimoPassingBy
blackbear_703 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 If you're using the standard MSN Messenger client, yeah it does send notifications if someone adds or re-adds you. However, I'm not sure if that applies when you're in their list. If you're using an alternative client like Amsn, all you have to do is re-add their address to your contact and allow lists and they won't know you deleted them at all. That is unless they've already deleted you.
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 Doubt it applies if I'm on their list. Got my friend to test it on me haha. Oh something tells me she blocked me now though. Shes offline on msn while online on facebook. Rare occurrence.
blackbear_703 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 It's probably best if you don't know whether she's blocking you or not since it can make things a lot more stressful than they already are. I'd be more focused on posting a few upbeat items at Facebook anyway!
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 Haha I've just ceased changing facebook status and all that for a couple of days now. Facebook chat is set to offline. Disappeared from her life lol.
blackbear_703 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Good thinking! That's the best way to go.
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