So we all know that everyone cheats in one way or another...how do you handle it?

[Brady_to_Moss]

One reason i do not date is the fact that the girl will most likley cheat. Look at all these threads...thinking you're SO is the "one" and they end up cheating. Or over the internet ect.

 

What like 60% of relationships have some type of cheating in them? How do you deal with it? Anyone like me and just not date due to this fact?

 

Bet you half the people on here in R's are being cheated on and don't even know it.

[Javelin]

So we all know that everyone cheats in one way or another...

 

You are wrong, not everyone cheats.

[Brady_to_Moss]

You are wrong, not everyone cheats.

 

Maybe not physically, but mentally people do it all the time. Thinking about other women or men while with their SO. Mostly physical though. I have seen all of college relationships end with cheating.

[Javelin]

Maybe not physically, but mentally people do it all the time. Thinking about other women or men while with their SO.

 

Yes, some people, but not all. Besides, you'll know if a person isn't into you and if you're bright you can catch certain things that they do early that will clue you in. Personally, I've never been able to imagine another person when I'm in a relationship. I'm not saying that I've tried, but my mind won't let it happen. When I'm with someone, it's just me and her - there isn't ever an in between for me.

 

I have seen all of college relationships end with cheating.

 

Still doesn't mean that all people or the majority cheat.

Edited November 23, 2009 by Javelin

[someotherguy]

Not everyone cheats, and I feel bad for you that you have such a cynical view of relationships.

 

If you extrapolate that view into life in general, you are going to be one tremendously unhappy, bored, lonely, unfulfilled person.

 

To take risks and deal with the bad times as well as the good is what makes us human. Love and heartbreak are both life changing feelings. Learning to deal with loss, rejection, and betrayal are indispensible skills, and unless you want to spend your entire life alone, it's better to practice these skills earlier rather than later. You have so much less to lose when you're young.

 

Perfection is unattainable, and the idea that someone is "the one" or your "soul mate" are myths. There's simply people that you have a better connection with than others.

 

In my opinion, you just need to work on having a more positive attitude.

[Dexter Morgan]

So we all know that everyone cheats in one way or another

 

 

wrong.............................

[VeveCakes]

Wow that is just a huge generalization!

 

Not everyone cheats. I don't, never have, never will. I have no interest in anyone but my boyfriend.

 

Maybe it seems that's why everyone breaks up because you are focused on it? I found the opposite in Uni, but I'm not a cheater nor did I know any.

 

There are a lot of shady people out there, but for every shady one there is a good one.

[Spectre]

I can see why the OP feels this way. Even though of course not everyone cheats, it sure as hell seems like it. I'm seeing more and more girls turning into hoes and cheating, usually because they dont feel they get enough attention or because they are just too much of a coward to end the relationship.

 

Pretty much every single female I've been with has been this way, and I've dated radically different girls. Some you might expect to cheat, but others you would never in a million years think they could do that to you.

 

Having a relationship in college is especially hard, for some reason girls seem to feel that once they enter college their life just isn't complete unless they bone a variety of guys.

[SageThyme]

I can see why you feel this way, OP, but as others have said - not everyone does. My boyfriend has mentally cheated on me so many times and even describes his fantasies with other women ...but I never stoop to his level. I never even flirt with any other guys, not in my guy's presence, nor behind his back. The thing is, they say you gotta kiss a lot of toads before you meet a prince (or princess)? Well, the other thing is, sometimes you gotta gently bop those toads in the kissers and let them know that you won't put up with it. Sooner or later, more and more people will get the message, and fewer will cheat.

[Selene]

So we all know that everyone cheats in one way or another...

 

That's hasty generalization. A huge fallacy, all right.

 

Not because most of the people you know or see are/have cheating/cheated on their SOs, doesn't mean that everyone cheats in one way or another. Tbh, I used to think like that - that one way or another, my boyfriend would cheat on me. But that kind of thinking won't get you anywhere, and it's unfair for you to say that to those people who haven't. May it be physically or mentally.

 

Also, seriously. I can't cheat without not knowing it. Subconscious cheating? O_O Lulz.

[an hero]

How I handle it depends on the level of cheating. If it was a full blown affair I think I would get up and leave the relationship straight away. Even if sex was involved I would find it hard to continue.

 

I'm a firm believer in 2nd chances, when they are deserved.

 

I cheated on my current girlfriend a couple of years ago (made out with a girl when drunk), and then she made out with a guy for a few seconds when she was drunk, because I told her I wouldn't do anything if she did. Sounds like a the start of an unhealthy relationship, right? Well in reality after she kissed that guy it really put us on the same level, we both understood that a kiss like this can mean nothing, if it was a one off. Our relationship is stronger than ever and we are both madly in love. What happened are now just cracks in the path behind us, although if ANYTHING of that nature was to happen again with either of us, it would be a very, very different story.

 

You just have to decide whether you want to work things out with your partner, and keep it mind that it might be an extremely long and painful road getting back to where you were. If you don't think it is worth it, moving on is the right option.

[Lastseenhere]

I can see why the OP feels this way. Even though of course not everyone cheats, it sure as hell seems like it. I'm seeing more and more girls turning into hoes and cheating, usually because they dont feel they get enough attention or because they are just too much of a coward to end the relationship.

 

Pretty much every single female I've been with has been this way, and I've dated radically different girls. Some you might expect to cheat, but others you would never in a million years think they could do that to you.

 

Having a relationship in college is especially hard, for some reason girls seem to feel that once they enter college their life just isn't complete unless they bone a variety of guys.

 

Same boat as me bro

[TimH]

I can certainly see where the OP is coming from however its to limiting to just say a relationship or marriage will dissolve cause of cheating.There are plenty of other reasons relationships dissolve and in todays world one stands an equal chance of a divorce vs the opposite.I certainly understand the OP's thinking here and it's really the truth of todays relationships that people today walk out,cheat,say their not happy,don't work on the relationship etc.I married twice and both times the Women walked out for greener pastures.No matter how good of a person you are,no matter how much you give,no matter how much devotion you give,the chances of you getting the same back for life are bad odds.We all see it everywhere,its all around us,the failed relationships.Couples that stay together for life are almost oddballs.

[ADF]

First of all, not all women cheat. And cheating is probably more common among men than women.

 

That said, you want something you can never have: a 100%, iron-clad guarantee that no one will hurt you. Life isn't like that. You have to risk being hurt if you're ever going to be happy.

[Malenfant]

One reason i do not date is the fact that the girl will most likley cheat. Look at all these threads...thinking you're SO is the "one" and they end up cheating. Or over the internet ect.

 

What like 60% of relationships have some type of cheating in them? How do you deal with it? Anyone like me and just not date due to this fact?

 

Bet you half the people on here in R's are being cheated on and don't even know it.

 

hmm... three words... bitter and jaded.

 

your plan is brilliant, you'll never get cheated on because you'll never have a relationship.

at least you've saved some unsuspecting women from a relationship with a suspicious untrusting person.

[Melocoton]

You are right and wrong. Everyone cheats. Men and women.

 

There are no guarentees. You could end up with a cheating wh0re and never know it for the rest of your life. Or a very flirtatious woman you suspect of it that would never do it.

 

It is a risk we take being in relationships. You must take that risk to be rewarded with a healthy relationship. We fail constanlty looking for our compatable mate. We may never find a match. But we try.

 

So be alone the rest of your life due to fear.

 

Or be a man and find a woman you can love that loves you and give eachother the world.

 

Or die trying

 

So your question: How we handle it?

 

You either forgive and stay or you move on and hopefully later forgive. It happens, it hurts but it is a fact of life.

Edited November 30, 2009 by Melocoton
forgot to answer the original posters question :)

[phineas]

I'd like the OP to define cheating.

I get the idea he thinks his SO having an attraction to someone else is cheating.

 

If that's the case then yeah we are all cheaters.

 

having an attraction for another isn't cheating.

It's when that attraction impacts your current relationship then i'd consider it cheating.

[Gatormaniac]

I recently found out my SO had been having an affair with her ex-BF. She said she never cheated on me physically, but an e-mail mentioned " spooning ". She signed the e-mail " love ", and the words babe and sweetheart were used by both. They were meeting at lunch and apparently talking quite a bit via phone. Some of the e-mails mentioned future plans. Ours is a serious relationship, and we have been together for around 9 months. I'm handling this the best way I know how, which is trying to salvage what I think is a very special relationship with a woman I love deeply. The last few days have been an emotional rollercoaster for both of us. We are planning on going to counseling. I am a very trusting person, and not the suspicious type, so this flew completely under my radar. if not for a chance encounter on her e-mail, I may have never known. She swears that the affair is over, and I believe her, but my trust is torn, and my heart aches.

 

I'm a believer in second chances, but this is very difficult.

[an hero]

I recently found out my SO had been having an affair with her ex-BF. She said she never cheated on me physically, but an e-mail mentioned " spooning ". She signed the e-mail " love ", and the words babe and sweetheart were used by both. They were meeting at lunch and apparently talking quite a bit via phone. Some of the e-mails mentioned future plans. Ours is a serious relationship, and we have been together for around 9 months. I'm handling this the best way I know how, which is trying to salvage what I think is a very special relationship with a woman I love deeply. The last few days have been an emotional rollercoaster for both of us. We are planning on going to counseling. I am a very trusting person, and not the suspicious type, so this flew completely under my radar. if not for a chance encounter on her e-mail, I may have never known. She swears that the affair is over, and I believe her, but my trust is torn, and my heart aches.

 

I'm a believer in second chances, but this is very difficult.

 

I feel for you man, that is really awful. If you want to give her another chance you should, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. She is going to have to prove alot to you, and that includes severing every possible contact with her ex. It is probably going to be a very long and painful road back to where you were, but if you feel she is worth the immense pain, by all means give her another chance. If you don't think she is worth it, you've got to move on. If she goes behind your back again then you'd be a fool to stay with her.

 

My relationship has survived cheating as I posted earlier, but it was only a one time physical thing, with alcohol involved. This is going to be hard my friend.. very hard. I hope you make the right decision, and if you do give her a second chance- keep your eyes open.

[Pizzaman81]

Maybe not physically, but mentally people do it all the time. Thinking about other women or men while with their SO. Mostly physical though. I have seen all of college relationships end with cheating.

 

Mentally cheating is NOT cheating. You never commit any acts, you still love the person you are with. It's not cheating.

[Spectre]

I cheated on my current girlfriend a couple of years ago (made out with a girl when drunk), and then she made out with a guy for a few seconds when she was drunk, because I told her I wouldn't do anything if she did.

 

So she cheated on you to get back at you or just because you said it was ok? Either way it says a lot about the type of chick she is.

 

 

Sounds like a the start of an unhealthy relationship, right? Well in reality after she kissed that guy it really put us on the same level, we both understood that a kiss like this can mean nothing

 

If the kisses meant nothing why do it? The fact is you both made the choice to kiss someone else. If either of you truly loved each other, it wouldn't of happened. I'm sure you will say I'm wrong, but actions speak louder than words.

 

Our relationship is stronger than ever and we are both madly in love. What happened are now just cracks in the path behind us, although if ANYTHING of that nature was to happen again with either of us, it would be a very, very different story.

 

People who think cheating makes the relationship stronger are just fooling themselves. You know what actually makes a relationship stronger? Not cheating or being dishonest.

 

Basically you two settled for a tainted relationship, if you have to cheat on each other to strengthen the relationship then I'm sorry..your relationship is doomed. I mean do you have to murder someone to figure out killing is wrong?

 

Some people are perfectly content to settle with a tainted relationship, completely ignoring the complete lack of respect their partner had for them. While at the same time convincing themselves they do love the person even though they cheated on them, failing to realize actions speak louder than words. I hope to god you two at least stopped drinking tho since it happened when drunk(which really isn't an excuse but yeah)

 

But hey, if that's what you want more power to you. Call me crazy, personally I'd like to wind up with somebody where we don't need to cheat on each other to make our relationship stronger. I guess I'm just old fashioned.

[Lish]

So she cheated on you to get back at you or just because you said it was ok? Either way it says a lot about the type of chick she is.

 

 

AHEM!!!

 

We are NOT called chicks.

[You Go Girl]

Maybe not physically, but mentally people do it all the time. Thinking about other women or men while with their SO. Mostly physical though. I have seen all of college relationships end with cheating.

 

Two things here, first is that at the college age there is still a lot of maturing work to be accomplished. Some people accomplish that maturity, (which is its own reward) and others never will.

Secondly, all people notice other attractive people. We would have to be blind not to, and even then, we'd find other people attractive by their personalities.

But finding someone attractive is not the same thing as mentally cheating. It's up to each person to curtail their sexual thoughts about others when they are in a relationship. For some, this comes naturally, and they have lucky partners. For others, this takes conscious effort. For another group, they believe that as long as they are not touching they are committing no crime. There's all kinds of different views. The trick is to find someone who feels the same way you do, defining what is mentally cheating, and definitely physical relationships with others.

[threebyfate]

It's simple. You find someone who isn't cheater material by relying on gut instinct and trusting your judgement. You proceed forward into a loving, trusting and respectful relationship. If your partner ends up cheating for whatever their reasons, you survive and improve your next partner, with the experiences you've gained. Most sane adults aren't so fragile, that they don't ever recover.

 

Brady, something's wrong inside of you, in that you fear almost every aspect of life. Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'.

[Woggle]

Learn to deal with the ways of the world. I know that faithfullness and love are dead concepts so i adapt.