moni2626 Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 (edited) My hubby is a very loving and caring husband but still lack some quality in a man. We are both in our middle 40's. We meet in high school, I have known him for almost 25 years.We are blessed with children. The children and myself comes 1st before anything in his life. Money is not an issue in our life. One of my problem, he's too quiet, he's not entertaining at all, he does not socialise. You can sit with him for 5hrs without him saying a word. When I start a discussion, he just give you Yes /No answer. No contribution to the discussion, so most of the time l feel like am speaking to myself. He does not go out nor party and ocassionally, when he does, he sits in one place until it time to go home which I believe its a good thing but at the same time you need to socalise with people.We are social animals, no man is an island. Another issue is that, his too lay back not lazy though. l believe a man is the bread winner of his household. He will only get up and do something when his being pushed or I will have to start and he will follow. Example he brought a garden swing for one of the kids for his 1st birthday and the child his 17yrs now....The swing is still in the pack till today.He has not put up the swing. that just one of the few things that piss me off....lay back , I call it. He was not like this initially into the relationship but over the last 15years, he cannot be bothered about his lay back attitude and quiteness. I have mentioned these issues to him many times and he keep promising he will change but have not seen any changes in him. Smoetimes, I feel like walking out of the relationship not to get into another relationship but just to be by myself because I think he relies on me alot. When his out of job, am the one that will get him another one.When the window in the house need fixing, am the one that will get it fix.When the car breakdown, am the one that will get the mechanic.When the kids have issues at school, am the one that will go and sort it out.Getting the kids into a good school, am the one running around.When the kids are misbehaving, am the one that will put them in check.Think of what a man should contribute to his household decision. Am not getting that from him. Am almost losing my patience. Any opinion or suggestions will be appreciated. Edited November 22, 2009 by moni2626 spelling
Lucky_One Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 You want him to change. Most people do like for the other person to do most of the work, like making major personality changes. But that is pretty unfeasible. Can you change? Can you change into a person who wants a quieter, more laid back person? Why are you trying to force him into changing, rather than changing yourself? The backyard swing that sat in a box for 16 years? Honestly, it sounds like if you had started to put the swing together 15 years ago, he would have helped you or finished it. Was sitting and watching the swing and becoming more and more bothered by it productive or good for your relationship, or would it have been better to either do it yourself or find someone else to do it?
soserious1 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) You want him to change. Most people do like for the other person to do most of the work, like making major personality changes. But that is pretty unfeasible. Can you change? Can you change into a person who wants a quieter, more laid back person? Why are you trying to force him into changing, rather than changing yourself? The backyard swing that sat in a box for 16 years? Honestly, it sounds like if you had started to put the swing together 15 years ago, he would have helped you or finished it. Was sitting and watching the swing and becoming more and more bothered by it productive or good for your relationship, or would it have been better to either do it yourself or find someone else to do it? So not only should she continue to handle the bulk of everythhing unpleasant, she should change herself into believing she loves doing so. What's next? should she get on her knees and say "thank you massa for letting me service you?" I had a husband much like the OP's Bills? money? it was my job to worry about earning all the cash needed to pay them, all negotations, managing accounts etc Household stuff? lol, me expecting house hubby to handle things was "elitist" no, I was expected to handle the bulk of that as well. Sex? he wasn't interested, told me to take care of myself.. well I learned how to "go fsck myself" and once I did I told him to go fsck himself as well. If I was the OP I'd start going out alone to parties and events, let him sit home by himself, the children's teachers and the school would be told to contact hubby first, I would stop doing a single extra duty OP's husband gets to escape the bulk of life's unpleasant tasks and you're suggesting that the OP should change her personality in such a way that she enjoys being burdened with everything ! there is NOTHING in it for the OP with what you're suggesting except more work for the OP. Oh and that swingset? How about this, OP's husband should have either put it together or found and paid somebody else to do so if he couldn't be bothered, instead of dumping it on a woman who just might have been a tad busy chasing after a 1 yr old. After all he decided to buy the damn thing. Edited November 23, 2009 by soserious1
hopeful1980 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 You want him to change. Most people do like for the other person to do most of the work, like making major personality changes. But that is pretty unfeasible. Can you change? Can you change into a person who wants a quieter, more laid back person? Why are you trying to force him into changing, rather than changing yourself? The backyard swing that sat in a box for 16 years? Honestly, it sounds like if you had started to put the swing together 15 years ago, he would have helped you or finished it. Was sitting and watching the swing and becoming more and more bothered by it productive or good for your relationship, or would it have been better to either do it yourself or find someone else to do it? I agree with this. Obviously, the OPs husband isn't going to change. OP, I think you should stop doing things for him and let him take control. I think he doesn't do things because he knows you'll take care of it - mechanic, errands, etc. Just tell him what you want him to do and wait for him to do it. I know it's hard, but that's the only way.
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