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Men Answer? - if you thought there was a chance it could work out, what would you do?

TapiocaDexterin

By TapiocaDexterin
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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TapiocaDexterin Member

TapiocaDexterin

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Like if you really wanted it to work, and thought that there was a chance that it could, and were ready to put 100% into it, what would you do?

 

would you beat down her door, or contact her first, or just wait for her to call?

 

What would you do guys?

name witheld Established Member

name witheld

Posted
Posted

Well you have described the situation I am in. But I am not knocking down her door, main reason is I don't think it will change anything. I don't think I will change her mind because it does not want to be changed.

 

All in all it depends on the situation (she left me), if she keeps contacting me and we keep meeting then I will be ready to talk. But only if I know she is ready too.

worldcavedin Member

worldcavedin

Posted
Posted
Like if you really wanted it to work, and thought that there was a chance that it could, and were ready to put 100% into it, what would you do?

 

would you beat down her door, or contact her first, or just wait for her to call?

 

What would you do guys?

 

all depends on the individual situation mate, i mean in my case i did all that crap phoneing her, pleading etc etc, got me no where. Plus you can not tell how anyone is thinking you only know your own thoughts.

 

Anyway ive tried the pleading, crying, phoneing etc etc, so i would say leave her be and if she wants you, then she will let you know.

 

good luckin whatever path you chose to go down.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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In your case, I would suggest not answering the door :)

Toki Established Member

Toki

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At the end of the day, every little thing she ever did, annoyed me to no end. So despite my flights of fancy at what could have been, I'd say No. Not in this life time, not ever.

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TapiocaDexterin Member

TapiocaDexterin

Posted
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In your case, I would suggest not answering the door :)[/quote

 

WHat do you mean - in my case? :)

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Only the person who left the relationship can decide if it can work out...any efforts by the dumpee will just drive the two sides further apart...gender is generally irrelevant here...

columbia Member

columbia

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Your situation is what I am in now: limbo. Kicking in the door will only exacerbate the situation. She doesn't know what she wants right now, but she will fight back because it is only natural. Let her come to you, and if you are willing to let it work, tell her when she contacts you to think about it, if it is right for her that she should sleep on it, and if its meant to be and she is willing to put in the work she will call again. If not, then its just done and you can move on. This describes my exact plan of action now. I dont know if it will work, but its not in my hands!

murphomatic Established Member

murphomatic

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If I honestly thought there was a chance ... and that both people in the relationship WANTED to work it out and try for that chance ... I would at least make some sort of contact with her to let her know there's a glimmer of hope from my side, and find out about hers.

 

People split usually due to some perceived or real personality fault in the other. Either way - someone has to change their self... and people rarely change. It seems like people bounce back together because they both consider there to be a "chance", but then find it's just the same old dance, and split once again for the same reasons.

 

Broke up with my girl a few days ago. She's brash, mean, and quick to snap at me over anything no matter how petty or trite, and I just couldn't put up with it any longer. To sweeten the pot, she has some much more severe issues revolving around drug & alcohol abuse (which probably do a lot of the heavy-lifting when it comes to creating her crap attitude)... I could only take so much. As much as I love her and wish there was a chance (the good times with her were SOOOOO GOOD), the chance would only really exist if she would change herself and address her issues (her issues are easy to spot, so I really don't question my perception of things here). She doesn't think she has any issues, she thinks she was a beacon of goodness in our relationship, and now that I've broken up with her - she's angry at me and instead of thinking "what did I do wrong in our relationship", she sits and thinks about whether or not she'll "consider letting me come back"... so I truly don't believe she would ever change... Therefore there's no chance, so I won't bother fighting for what isn't there or pushing the issue in any way.

 

I swear... people can be so damn solipsistic.

Printer Member

Printer

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If I thought there was a chance to work things out. I would only do it along side professional counselling. I think people really can change, but they need tuition to be able learn new relationship skills. Hey, I couldn't drive a car without lessons.

The relationship needs to be investigated by both parties and then for each person to forgive one another.

Only then can a new start commence, working along side a couple life coach, taking things really easy, one day at a time.

I am sure this would work as I would give my right arm for a second chance. I am struggling to get over my wife leaving me after 24 years.

I pray every night for that one chance.

jaydumped Member

jaydumped

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Posted

If there was a chance you have to go for it, you have to stand your ground and do everything you possibly can up until the point it works, you get over it, or she tells you to stop - then you have to and walk away. Me and my ex got to the stage where we were so emoitionally drained of being broken up lol longer than we went out for that by the end of it i just had to try one last time, when i got the answer that was 'no' she did not want to give it a shot - it actually didnt hurt. But i must say if i did not do everything i could and did then i would have gone through life regretting it and not having closure

silic0ntoad Established Member

silic0ntoad

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If I thought there was a chance? I am a gambler. I'd take the chance. I always try to live with no regrets. But this is ONLY if I am the dumper.

 

If I am the dumpee, I vanish like a ghost. NC all the way. To hell with banging my door down. She would have to get on her knees and beg before I'd say ok to just talking about it.

HLP234 Established Member

HLP234

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I am in the same situation right now. I think there is a chance, but if she is stubborn and focuses on one thing only, not letting others surprise her, than she is not letting it move forward.

 

You have to make yourself seem like you don't care, don't contact her unless she contacts you first. Show that you are not a second choice here. Than keep your responses short, don't be mean but just seem not interested at the same time, still interested a little. (I know its hard to explain, but there is some balance in that I think.)

aviation_chick New Member

aviation_chick

Posted
Posted

pleading wont work, ive already done that and messed things up even more...

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