edbeau Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Why is this subject not discussed? Is it a Taboo? We have had many trials and tribulations and have gone through polyamory and have concluded that an open marriage is the way for us to go. Are we the only ones out there that have an open marriage?
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Me and my H tried one. We split up a year later. The balance tipped to far on one side, and it was game over. My H was only interested in the open M if it was working in his favor. When it didn't, he decided that the open marriage was more of a 'cuckolding' and he wanted a divorce. It can work for people who have no problem when someone else takes the 'primary' spot temporarily or for the long term, but if either of you are not able to handle being bumped to the back burner when a new passion fires up with someone else then it is not worth it. If one of you has a new person and the other doesn't, then if you can't handle being the one left out, then it is not worth it. The thrill of the 'new' will nearly always back burner your primary. There may be times where one of you is literally worn out and sore from the 'new' sex and you won't be up for the 'primary' sex (which happened for us more than once much to the H's dismay). If the outside person gets the romance/passion/sex/dates and all you get is routine 'spouse' treatment, and you can't handle that - it is not worth it. Like it or not, the balance will tip and it will not always be in your favor. You can and will find yourself left out or put aside for someone new. These are things you will want to consider. People always consider the pros without really seeing the cons that come with it. You are not a robot devoid of feelings. All feelings can get bruised and hurt regardless of how well you convince yourself to the contrary. It won't hurt all of the time, but sometimes it will. If you can't handle the hurt then you can't handle the open marriage. (I use 'you' in the general sense rather than to you directly)
Author edbeau Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 you said quite a bit, yes very true. we have worked through many issues and have found that this one works for us. ups and downs alike sometimes it feels right and sometimes it doesn't. this is the lifestyle that is chosen and agreed upon so either it works or we work through it in every relationship that we encounter either together or separate. thanks for the input, glad to know were not alone.
Author edbeau Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 It's not for everyone. I know for sure that it was not ever really on my mind, till I started to realize how short life is and that we both enjoy others in our relationship. Why not if were consenting adults and agree that this is the lifestyle that works for us. Was it not for you? or did the ex part come first?
carhill Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 OP, welcome You appear new, so I can direct you to a particular poster and past thread which you might find interesting... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164557/ There are numerous threads about open marriages but they come and go, so you'll have to search for them. Something for everyone
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