go to his work? OW input welcome

[Spark1111]

I find it interesting how well the OW/OM is protected from their involvement in the affair if the WS and the BS decide they have a marriage worth saving!

 

In my case:

 

WS had to attend IC and MC. He had to bear my psychotic pain, rage, rants, tears, depression every day for two years.

 

He had to look into the sad eyes of his grown children and realize they may never hold him in the same regard as pre-affair.

 

He had to understand that until I felt trust had been restored, I had one bag packed and a divorce attorney consulted.

 

The OW? Other than the heartbreak of losing the man she hoped to have a future with....nothing changed. She wasn't contacted until recently, when she broke NC after 2 years.

 

She wasn't outed! No revenge taken. Her son still too young to be aware. Her job continues. Her xH remains unknowing, or uncaring, unless she told him. She was never confronted or even called at her workplace, until last week.

 

SHE WAS LEFT ALONE!

 

She is free to find the next MM to be her knight in shining armor.

 

And I am free to meet my husband at his workplace whenever I want to, like Foreal should do.

[foreal]

So.. from what I read.. it's OK for her to lose everything.. but your H is safe.. it's all the OW's fault...

 

Good for you.. you got a winner.. until .... next debribillating session..

 

 

oh, and as far as my H being safe..he may have herpes too...me too for that matter...so I don't think "safe" is quite what is going on here or what I was going for.

 

Her H now knows. That's what I was going for. She knows I will slam her if she crosses me again. That's what I was going for.

 

And as far as MOW going around telling people about her A with my H? As you said, Who cares? I don't.

 

And are we (BS/CS) teaming up against MOW? No shyt.

 

Hopefully the next MM she hooks up with will have a W who is more accepting of her, the MM, their relationship.

 

She just happened to step into the wrong M.

 

And my H is an Ahole for doing this as well. And we are dealing with that, together.

 

Reaping, sowing, etc etc etc

[foreal]

Which herpes is it, foreal?

 

Have you decided to not get tested? Does she have anything else? Could she have anything else?

 

VAGINAL...

 

I have friends who have it..they live with it, but it is not too fun. I will get tested next week- I think..still deciding...

 

I got full range of other tests and all were neg..her H said just herpes ("just' !!)

[turnstone]

Ok, Herpes Simplex. I have my fingers crossed for you.

[Snowflower]

 

And are we (BS/CS) teaming up against MOW? No shyt.

 

Hopefully the next MM she hooks up with will have a W who is more accepting of her, the MM, their relationship.

 

She just happened to step into the wrong M.

 

And my H is an Ahole for doing this as well. And we are dealing with that, together.

 

Reaping, sowing, etc etc etc

 

I'm glad you are getting the resolution you need to from all of this, foreal.

 

I hope it helps in your personal healing and marital reconciliation.

 

Its good that you and your H are a united team against this outside threat to your marriage. That is what a married couple should do...unite together when it is necessary.

 

I hope that by you and your H being a team now, that it will aid in your reconciliation and building a stronger marriage. A crisis can be a turning point...I do kinda agree with Lizzie's defibrillator quote!

[foreal]

I'm glad you are getting the resolution you need to from all of this, foreal.

 

I hope it helps in your personal healing and marital reconciliation.

 

Its good that you and your H are a united team against this outside threat to your marriage. That is what a married couple should do...unite together when it is necessary.

 

I hope that by you and your H being a team now, that it will aid in your reconciliation and building a stronger marriage. A crisis can be a turning point...I do kinda agree with Lizzie's defibrillator quote!

 

thanks Snowflower....

!!!!!!CLEAR!!!!!!

[JamesM]

Wow...just wow.

 

I had an answer ready for your question...you should go, but by the time I reached the end of this thread, I see you did. Oddly, I am not amazed he kept the pictures. And I think that the affair IS over. Some men keep such pictures as mementos and not out of love. However, I am in disbelief that he kept them in his office where anyone could have looked at them.

 

And hugs to you...the pain and loss and anger and sadness must get overwhelming at times. You WILL get through this. From what I have read of your posts, you are a strong woman and somehow will find a way.

 

As for him, you decide if he stays or goes. My input would be that I think he was trying before and probably did forget about the pictures. However, now in order for him to show that you are his number one, then he must do everything to show that your trust and love are number one in his life. Every day and every minute....he must be accountable to you. And at any time, he should welcome a call or contact by you as a way to show you that he means it.

 

Visiting him at work unexpectedly should be a great idea that he encourages.

 

As for the OW's husband, I feel for his pain and especially if this is not the first affair she has had. I think this was best for him. I usually don't encourage telling the OW's H as you did, but I think it was best here.

 

Let's hope this turns out for the best.

[foreal]

Wow...just wow.

 

I had an answer ready for your question...you should go, but by the time I reached the end of this thread, I see you did. Oddly, I am not amazed he kept the pictures. And I think that the affair IS over. Some men keep such pictures as mementos and not out of love. However, I am in disbelief that he kept them in his office where anyone could have looked at them.

 

And hugs to you...the pain and loss and anger and sadness must get overwhelming at times. You WILL get through this. From what I have read of your posts, you are a strong woman and somehow will find a way.

 

As for him, you decide if he stays or goes. My input would be that I think he was trying before and probably did forget about the pictures. However, now in order for him to show that you are his number one, then he must do everything to show that your trust and love are number one in his life. Every day and every minute....he must be accountable to you. And at any time, he should welcome a call or contact by you as a way to show you that he means it.

 

Visiting him at work unexpectedly should be a great idea that he encourages.

 

As for the OW's husband, I feel for his pain and especially if this is not the first affair she has had. I think this was best for him. I usually don't encourage telling the OW's H as you did, but I think it was best here.

 

Let's hope this turns out for the best.

 

Thanks James.

 

Interesting to get a man's perspective. And yea, that he kept the pics at work is bazaar. They were in a cabinet, tucked in w/ a big stack of thank you and sympathy cards as well as a couple of love notes from me that I'd sent him at work during his A and even one from after!!

 

Hey how are you? I read some of your posts- any movement with the wife??

[JamesM]

Thanks James.

 

Interesting to get a man's perspective. And yea, that he kept the pics at work is bazaar. They were in a cabinet, tucked in w/ a big stack of thank you and sympathy cards as well as a couple of love notes from me that I'd sent him at work during his A and even one from after!

 

Do you know when the OW sent the love letter? Was it dated? The pictures and love letter could have been sent after the affair was over as a way to "snare" your H again. And so he stuck them away...and forgot about them.

 

Putting them with YOUR love letters is not good thinking.

 

Hey how are you? I read some of your posts- any movement with the wife??

 

I like how you used the word "movement." Anyhow, not keeping score, but we did have sex a couple of weeks ago. Some would say that this was a long time, but seeing that we were gone, she had her period, and has been sick since that time, I am not panicking. It is what it is.

 

For the time being, I have accepted her as she is. I think she is trying but still doesn't have the desire. If I only knew why she lacks the desire.

 

I do think if she were to red the OW/OM board and the Infidelity boards, then she would be a little more concerned that our lack of sex can be dangerous for our marriage.

 

Time will tell for both you and I.

[foreal]

Do you know when the OW sent the love letter? Was it dated? The pictures and love letter could have been sent after the affair was over as a way to "snare" your H again. And so he stuck them away...and forgot about them.

 

Putting them with YOUR love letters is not good thinking.

 

 

 

I like how you used the word "movement." Anyhow, not keeping score, but we did have sex a couple of weeks ago. Some would say that this was a long time, but seeing that we were gone, she had her period, and has been sick since that time, I am not panicking. It is what it is.

 

For the time being, I have accepted her as she is. I think she is trying but still doesn't have the desire. If I only knew why she lacks the desire.

 

I do think if she were to red the OW/OM board and the Infidelity boards, then she would be a little more concerned that our lack of sex can be dangerous for our marriage.

 

Time will tell for both you and I.

 

The letter wasn't dated but from what she wrote it seems it was when he was really depressed about his mom's death- I believe it was during the A, about 3 months before it was over...H says she dropped off the pics on his desk at the very beginning of the A, during her 'hunting' phase...but who knows if any of this is true/correct?

 

As for your W....I am PMing you