onewillburn Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Hey. I'm 38 days NC today. I haven't had any urges to contact her, but I still do get depressed from time to time when I think about what has happened. Just today I thought of writing her a brief e-mail in order to seal things up in a more positive light. We last left on a negative note and for some reason I'm thinking that maybe I'll feel a little better if there is positive closure. I know it's risky though, considering how it could totally backfire and send me back a few steps in my healing. I don't know. I really have to think about what I'm expecting from it. Because that's the determinant. I can't possibly fathom any kind of hope for getting back together at this point, but I am hoping that it will make me feel a little better. At the same time, maybe I'll end up just easing any guilt she has and propelling myself into an even worse depression. Should I break NC?
mickleb Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Why don't you write up a letter. Leave it until you KNOW you have healed. Then send it. (If you still care to.) Break ups aren't always 'perfect' (whatever that means, anyway). We all do and say regretable things when we are hurt. Give yourself a break and carry on with moving forwards. x
Thebob Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I can't possibly fathom any kind of hope for getting back together at this point, but I am hoping that it will make me feel a little better. No, that is why you broke up, something wasn't perfect. People break up due to imperfections within the relationship. You weren't compatible, one in the relationship might think your compatible but the other doesn't. They won't even tell you what they are feeling until your truly hurt. Stay NC and move on. Go to parties, hang out, go work out, get laid, move on. There is no point to re-open any wounds that have healed. What would happen if you sent the email but she doesn't respond? You'll prolly be back to square one. Stay NC. Hopefully you listen to this but I understand if you don't. Thebob
Author onewillburn Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Why don't you write up a letter. Leave it until you KNOW you have healed. Then send it. (If you still care to.) Break ups aren't always 'perfect' (whatever that means, anyway). We all do and say regretable things when we are hurt. Give yourself a break and carry on with moving forwards. x This is a good idea and what you said is true. I don't even necessarily feel bad about the things I said, because I didn't really even say anything all that bad. I just naturally don't like people leaving me with a negative impression, though I suppose it's something I'll have to learn to live with in life. No, that is why you broke up, something wasn't perfect. People break up due to imperfections within the relationship. You weren't compatible, one in the relationship might think your compatible but the other doesn't. They won't even tell you what they are feeling until your truly hurt. Stay NC and move on. Go to parties, hang out, go work out, get laid, move on. There is no point to re-open any wounds that have healed. What would happen if you sent the email but she doesn't respond? You'll prolly be back to square one. Stay NC. Hopefully you listen to this but I understand if you don't. Thebob Thanks man, that's a good point. I've been going to parties and have been developing myself a lot better in that respect. There isn't any real urge to break NC at this point, it's totally in my control. I feel like her and I definitely weren't meant to be, but we both put so much of ourselves in the relationship that it's strange to have parted on such bad terms. Again, it's probably just another one of those things I'll have to get used to in life.
adamt Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 (edited) Write out the letter if you feel you need to. Seal it in an envelope and give it to a friend or family to keep safe. Then 5 months down the line reopen it and read it and then send it if you want to. I can guarantee you will read it and be glad you never sent it. I drafted out an email and it is still saved in my draft folder. I am so glad i never sent it after 5 months of NC. Breaking NC so soon after a break up will mess with your head and send you back to day one. Sending an email/letter will give oyu false hope and you wil be hoping they respond to it. Edited November 22, 2009 by adamt
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