lost_and_confused. Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Me and my wife have been together for 14 years (since we were 16). After a rough year of arguing and me being depressed we recently seperated for a month to get some space. At the time I thought that this was for the best as I was miserable. I started to go to counselling during this time and realised that my depression had deeply affected my relationship. I asked my wif to take me back. We met up and she told me she loved me...but that she was no longer in love with me. I was shocked. I couldnt understand how this had happened. I spent a few weeks pining for her, calling her and generally being a needy idiot. I went back to the house a month ago and packed up all of my stuff. I have tried NC but i thionk about her 24/7. Today i went round to pick up my post and saw that she had taken down all of our photos as a couple. This has taken me back several steps. I want her back and know that this can only happen if she wants it to, I wish there was a magic cure for my pain. Its been 6 weeks since she told me she wanted to seperate.....Im not sure how this is going to get easier for me. Has anyone been through a similar thing? any advice would be greatly received!!
Steadfast Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Generally, the 'love you but not in love' statement is a red flag that she's found someone else. Often, a wife with wandering or diminished feelings will wait to deliver *this* blow until she's actually got someone else on line for support. Men often have affairs to simply bag some tail...no thoughts of divorce, but rarely women. Sad, but true. You could wallpaper a house with similar stories here on LS, so you've come to the right place. For now, give her some space until she's ready to approach you. This is not a game; hopefully, she'll come clean with everything and you can then decide on your next course of action. Right now, she's calling all the shots. This has to change. You need to regain control of you and take back your power. She decides for her, you decide for you. If she's like most wayward wives, she'll resent this at first (because it's nice having you as a safety net) but in time her respect will return. That is *if* you handle it correctly. Keep posting; there are great people here who can help and comfort you-
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