red_cloud Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Hi all, I'm here because I just broke up with my boyfriend this weekend and I'm finding it very difficult to deal with. I'm sick of talking to my friends about it and just want to unload on an anonymous place such as this. So thanks for making it exist! I've been bad with NC all my life, even though I'm in my mid 20's I'd succumb to some emotion and become what I call an "sms terrorist" terrorizing the poor guy about why he did this, and how could he do this, and then I'd feel bad so I apologize and give him solutions to how we can save the relationship and then get angry again. Needless to say.. does NOT help get a guy back. Its difficult for me b/c I'm so analytical (I'm an analyst) that I see very easily how the relationship can be saved - I need to do x and y and he needs to do z - and everything will be okay. But I've realized that people don't want to be told what to do and they need to realize on their own. This part of letting go is sooo hard for me. So I've never had the self discipline to stick to NC for more than a few days; this time I gave the guy a choice and he chose something else over me. I find this unacceptable as at the end of the day the only thing I have is self respect, so I CAN"T contact him. But its sooooooo hard i feel like throwing up almost
newyork82 Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Hi girl, we are all here with you. Feel free to pm me. We could become NC buddies. I also left my bf
czecze Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I have been on NC since sept...but it is not getting easier, sometimes I think it is harder instead. Not a day pass by I don't think of him or miss him. My head tells me one thing, my heart tells me another... and like you, somehow I don't feel like talking to my friends about this...so here I am.
Author red_cloud Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Thanks guys.. it just hurts right now. I feel SOOOO betrayed.
twinklecat Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 It does feel awful, but I can tell you it certainly does get better! NC really is the best way to go. If you find yourself wanting to contact him, do something to distract yourself, go for a walk, watch something funny on TV (laughter really does help) You can do it and you really will feel so much better for it.
Author red_cloud Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 It does feel awful, but I can tell you it certainly does get better! NC really is the best way to go. If you find yourself wanting to contact him, do something to distract yourself, go for a walk, watch something funny on TV (laughter really does help) You can do it and you really will feel so much better for it. I know that it gets better and I realize this is the best way to make it better. I think that every time I want to contact him, I'll just post something so this might get to be a long thread...
name witheld Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I empathise with you, I'm analytical too. Seems to be an achilles heel in a breakup, make it harder to get over someone if you are processing all these thoughts in your head. Is also frustrating to clearly see a solution and not be able to implement it. Fact is, the reason you can't implement it is because the other person doesn't want to. Just a pity thats not so easy to see.
Author red_cloud Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Yesterday I had to send an email about some logistical stuff and today I got a response. I really really want to write back, but I won't. I'll just end up trying to convince him that we can make it work, which I really want to do - I think that if he doesn't understand I just haven't tried hard enough - but as much as I hate it, I realize that I can't control people and that the only way he will see my point is if he's either willing to listen or comes to that conclusion on his own. Which is not the case atm. So day 1. I'm just so sad. I don't want it to be over...
Author red_cloud Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 Day 2. I talked to some of my girlfriends last night, giving the overview of the situation since we had been out of touch and that helped me put things in perspective. They were shocked at how I'm consistently tried to do the best thing for the relationship and own up to my shortcomings, and I agree with them. I also realized how difficult he has been and while he has been accusing me of being the lesser person, the reverse is true. Its like he's projecting.. While I still see a lot of potential in him, the silver lining is starting to dissapear slowly.. I took lessons from my first relationship and applied them to this one and it was much much better. I'm hoping that taking the ones from this one and applying it the third will make it the magic one. Third is the charm, they say. Anyway, I will be away from my computer from now till Monday, so since I know there will be no texting, I'm safe from worrying about whether he replied to my response to re-think the relationship when we are both calmer or not. Will deal with that on Monday.
Author red_cloud Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 One eff'ing week! I miss him sooooooooooooo much. I'm as time goes on, I'm less sad and more and more angry at him. I just want to RAWR at him. And break NC.
Author red_cloud Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Still day 7.. I miss the support he use to give me more than anything. I don't know how I'm going to handle the rest of this..
Sukichan Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Still day 7.. I miss the support he use to give me more than anything. I don't know how I'm going to handle the rest of this.. Aww, I know it's hard, and it's difficult, but you will make it through this! It was so hard the first few weeks, but afterwards, it becomes second nature, you don't feel the need to contact him for whatever reason. Keep it strong!
Author red_cloud Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Day 13. I was doing okay but now I'm having a bad day and want to take it out on my ex. I want to call him and say something mean. But I know its not his fault...its just that at least with him, I had something to look forward to at the end of a bad day.. now, nothing :'(
Author red_cloud Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Three weeks tomorrow. 21 days! Longest NC period ever for me and more discipline and self control than I thought I had.
sean1970 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Three weeks tomorrow. 21 days! Longest NC period ever for me and more discipline and self control than I thought I had. I know what you mean... 63 days today for me... I have to say, I do feel better, even after recently seeing Halloween pictures of her and her new bf. Knocked me down for a couple of days but it did not last long as long as I thought it would. What have you done to pass the time/improve?
twinklecat Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Hey red_cloud, congratz on 21 days! I started NC last week, on 4 days myself and it's been hard, but good for me, just have to resist the breadcrumbs! Hope the NC is helping you too. ~Twinkle
Author red_cloud Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 I know what you mean... 63 days today for me... I have to say, I do feel better, even after recently seeing Halloween pictures of her and her new bf. Knocked me down for a couple of days but it did not last long as long as I thought it would. What have you done to pass the time/improve? I made a list of difficult things that I need to do but have been avoiding for ages..everything from re-learning to drive to getting finances in order. I've also developed a gym addiction - up to 2 hours a day. And I've also been doing things just to generally make myself feel more attractive. I've went out a three times in the past three weeks so far - two of this I've ended up meeting interesting guys and they asked me for my number. Neither of them has called yet, but I'm not too concerned about dating yet and at least people are still noticing me. I haven't gone on a date or picked up a guy in 8 months so its a little odd...
Author red_cloud Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Hey red_cloud, congratz on 21 days! I started NC last week, on 4 days myself and it's been hard, but good for me, just have to resist the breadcrumbs! Hope the NC is helping you too. ~Twinkle All I can say is - DELETE the number. There are soooo many times I would have given in if I hadn't deleted the number. And also have a friend or two that knows that situation and you can text them instead when the uncontrollable urge hits. I've found that successful NC is much like a diet - to be successful you have to prepare for the bad moments when you're feeling good. I've also started to carry around a piece of paper with me that says "guy said mean things to you, doesn't want to make time for you, doesn't realize his flaws, obviously doesn't respect you and broke you with you.. and why do you still like him?" Really puts things in perspective when you start to romanticize your ex. I also know that I'm going to break NC eventually..so maybe that makes it a little bit easier.. or harder:confused:
sean1970 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I made a list of difficult things that I need to do but have been avoiding for ages..everything from re-learning to drive to getting finances in order. I've also developed a gym addiction - up to 2 hours a day. And I've also been doing things just to generally make myself feel more attractive. I've went out a three times in the past three weeks so far - two of this I've ended up meeting interesting guys and they asked me for my number. Neither of them has called yet, but I'm not too concerned about dating yet and at least people are still noticing me. I haven't gone on a date or picked up a guy in 8 months so its a little odd... All good stuff... But be careful spending that much time in the gym. Your motivation is high right now and you probably have the time. However, most people fail because they don't make it part of their lifestyle. Two hours a day is hard to sustain where 30-45 min (good cardio workout) to an hour (weights) is something people can maintain long term and do daily. Just my .02...
Author red_cloud Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 All good stuff... But be careful spending that much time in the gym. Your motivation is high right now and you probably have the time. However, most people fail because they don't make it part of their lifestyle. Two hours a day is hard to sustain where 30-45 min (good cardio workout) to an hour (weights) is something people can maintain long term and do daily. Just my .02... Thanks - I've been working out for about an hour a day for the past 6 months, so this just an additional one hour. I know I won't be able to maintain for that long b/c of the time committment but I figure since I have the time now I can get into the best shape possible so that it will be easier to maintain as I'm getting older.
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