lillymountain Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 i havent heard from him till thursday.... i saw him 10 days ago and we discussed the topic of me moving to his place again and he had changed his mind completely and when i left it almost seemed to be decided that i would, but we said we both would think it through propperly. but it was a difficult discussion as well, cause he said that might be the only way for us to stay together. i called him on thursday to tell him, that i got time off at work and could come to see him next weekend. and that was the last time we talked. (and he didnt wnat to discuss the topic of moving in together on the phone the whole last week - i mentioned some stuff very carefully, but it was obvious he didnt want to talk about it) he went on a kayak-weekend trip with his friends and well, he has no access to his pc. but we usually talk every day on skype, at least to say good night, but that is skype and we call each other very rarely on the phone. but i miss him and i would need him to call, i have to make some difficult decisions amd its hard for me not to get confused and insecure now. maybe he just needs some time for himself to think as well, or he just doesnt think that could be difficult for me, but cant he just send a tiny message? ( and i am very needy concerning everyday contact - my last bf left to work abroad for a year and he just stopped calling...and after 3 months he came back and said, hi im back again...) thank you for reading
Selene Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 ^ Exactly. Don't wait for your boyfriend to call - you go on and call him. This may seem crazy, but my boyfriend never called me on the phone ever since I moved out of the country. We're thousands of miles away, but he still doesn't call. That's perfectly fine with me since it's expensive on his part. We chat online, though. (I'm the one who makes sacrifices just to be able to chat with him due to extreme difference in our timezones.) Why don't you text him or something? Leave him a message telling him you're wondering why he hasn't called/contacted you yet. Tell him you miss him. Something like that won't hurt. ^^
ann09 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 you're talking about moving in together yet you don't talk on the phone and only skype?? I don't get it.
Author lillymountain Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Well, yes, skype is for free and overseas calls are expensive. and skype gives you the possibility to use a webcam as well. is that really so weird?
foxyroxy_msu83 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Well, yes, skype is for free and overseas calls are expensive. and skype gives you the possibility to use a webcam as well. is that really so weird? no it is not weird at all, and i totally understand. if it werent for skype and its affordability there would be a lot less happy people out there. hang in there, i know its probably tough!
Author lillymountain Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 thank you guys for your posts. that was more than a 10 days ago and i spent last weekend with him. it was amazing...but on the last evening for some reason the topic of him being scared came up again - i asked "do you know that you really want me?" and i swear i did not mean it in a putting him under pressure way, but he pulled back and said, i shouldn't asl like this please and we discussed it already. i was super hurt, which might be childish, cause I know, he cares and i know he is making an effort and i did not have to ask that question. the first thing he did the next morning was to tell me, that i really loved me and that he only wanted to be with me. and he asked me to seriously think about moving next spring. well, i went to the airport and my flight was 3 hours delayed and while i was sitting there i got so sad and upset about this stupid question, that i did the not very clever thing to call him and tell him crying how bad i felt about it...he was not "very amused at all" -told off end told me that it was the wrong time to talk about it, that i was being hysteric,.... since im home he has called me every single day, has organized our christmas hoildays and i trip in spring together.... it feels like our first real fight and for some reason i feel less insecure now, even though i know, that i was behaving in a not very mature and grown up way.
Rollercoasterr Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I would just be a little leery about his reasoning for not wanting to answer a simple question, honey. It seems very odd to me that you asking him that would turn into a fight like it did. It's probably nothing, and probably just being weird about it, but I would watch out with this one. There's no reason why he could not have answered you and said "yes, I want to be with you" especially when you're at the airport and you're getting ready to leave. Usually thats where the sweetest and more reassuring conversations happen. Like I said, it's probably nothing, so don't get freaked out or anything. Just think about what I said.
Author lillymountain Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 @rollercoaster thank you for your advice i dont really get it either - maybe its because he is badly burned from his previous relation. she was a borderline and gave him a really hard time..they broke up years ago, but she calls him still sometimes and he still answers the phone once in a while she stills puts pressure on him. (she threatened to kill herself several times, not anymore, but he is still under a weird kind of pressure concerning her and i know he tries to make her give up). i think this made him hard and very controlling in emotionally difficult situations - but yes, it is irritating me, cause im not her and even if i freak out somtimes in a normal way, that should not be a problem and i was hoping for him to tell me that everything was allright and fine adn that i didnt have to worry....what he did was telling me off for being so upset and he said things like "i love you, but now take a chill pill and stop being hysterical" i landed and i didnt call him and an hour later he called me up to ask if everything was fine. i dont know...my dad says i shouldn't be so insecure, guys sometimes just react that way and my mum says honey, think about leaving him...
Rollercoasterr Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Well it wasn't like you were being hysterical or anything. Leaving your loved one is an emotional time. Most of us DO cry. Even our men cry. You simply asked him a question that didn't require much thought if it were true. All he had to say was yes, but instead he chose to act like a child and say you were being hysterical. I'm going to kind of side with your mom on this one. Not immediately, but don't get your hopes and dreams and love too involved with this man since he seems to freak out over the weirdest things. You're not his ex, you can't help what she did, but if he doesn't allow you, you can't fix it either. Hugs to you sweetie. I know this is rough.
AnnPod Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Hello lillymountain, one of the sometimes wearisome things of relationships is that our partner does not react the way we want him/her to. In the moment you were describing, my impression is all you needed to hear was him reassuring his love. He probably does not understand how much this hurt you, even though it seems so simple to say "Yes of course I love you." Maybe he is exhausted by the situation, maybe he can not handle you being upset. Sometimes you really must pull yourself together, because it usually bothers a partner to see his/her loved one suffer, and it puts also the whole relationship at risk - is it really a good thing if there is so much sadness? What counts is that he really tries for you, and not only through words, but actions - the latter I always find more important than anything. And I mean everybody does things wrong, and LDRs are tough. And don't think about anybody's past relationships, because you had a tough one as well from what I read in your first note. To me it seems you are both working on it as good as you can, and he is sincere. So if your feelings have not changed, and if it does not depress you too much, there is no reason to think about breaking up. Wish you all the best
Author lillymountain Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 @rollercoasterr thank you again ...but i dont want to give up on him... i know i have to be careful, but there is a lot of affection to loose. and i know, that i can be hard to handle - i am an extreme mixture of being clingy and insecure, when it gets emotionally though for me in a relation and very independent concerning the rest of my life. @AnnPod yes i think he has problems handling me when im upset...because i can be very "intense" when im upset and because he is burnt - i just hope he finds out, that even if i can be very impulsive, it does'nt make me the same kind of person she was and that it is normal to show your emotions in an intense way once in while. and i know i have to work hard on myself as well, not only for the sake of our relation, but also for me and my life, no matter what comes. my dad told me a very strong thing about the way he sees relations (my parents have been married for more 30 years now), he said: lilly, there are times when love is a lot about your own self discipline. ...maybe it is kind of good, that we are both finding out about our weak sides as well - that might hurt, but it is what it is... thank you both again, it is very kind of you to keep up with what is going on in my relation the way you do, i really appreciate it...
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