oh my god i feel so horrible (boyfriend,online issues...

[LindaLiss]

Let me just say this story so I can get this out of my chest, because I feel so bad. Ive been with my boyfriend for a year, we live together and whatnot.

He had proposed to me (mainly because my mom gave him the idea) and decided to build and apartment with me, but before I was so unsure if to live with him because I didnt feel ready, but he threatened me and told me that he would leave me or things wouldnt be the same if I didnt agree to build that apartment, so I felt scared and I said yes (he even admitted he pushed me to do it). Now financially things are pretty horrible, no money for anything due to my quitting my job,(I study btw), I look for alternatives for him and me so we can eat during the week, I do everything in my power to bring him money with out a job. Just wanted to clear that out.

 

I moved out and ever since I live with him things are so messed up. He yells at me a lot, gets angry if I dont cook for him, doesnt help me do anything, when we are intimate he doesnt even think about me, sometimes I dont feel loved when everything bothers him. He doesnt let me do much, he can barely take me out to eat. Just, I feel suffocated and Ive talked to him about it but he just gets angry and yells at me. In this house, I cook, I clean, wash clothes, I study full time, Im the one with the bills, while he spends his money on ebay, doesnt cook or help me clean AT ALL. When I gave him the idea to take a break he just threatens me and throws in my face how he sacrificed a lot to build this apartment we live in. I feel so bad... sometimes, I just am trying to love him like before but every time he gets mad I get terrified.

So now, I feel horrible that Im talking to this guy online who lives really far away that totally excites me. I feel so attached to him, sexually and everything. I feel like he fills me up in so many ways and I feel like Im cheating on my boyfriend (who cant even plan a wedding with me). I feel so gross and stupid for doing this with this guy online but it pretty much fills something lost in me, its like i cant stop how he makes me feel. My boyfriend kind of suspects and he has yelled at me because of it but I just cant let go of this. I love my boyfriend dearly but I wish things between us changed, I want to feel so loved by him like before, but all of our fights, all of his restrictions make me feel trapped. Am i cheating on my boyfriend because Im talking sexually to this guy who lives so far away from me, online?? I wish I could tell him about this but Im kind of afraid he might react in a way he's going to regret... I just dont know why i cant stop, so confused :/

[InThis305]

You should definitely leave that guy

 

you shouldnt stay with someone who terrifies you