Mel8 Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I honestly joined LoveShack for this specific problem. I never thought it would come to this, but it has. I have read a couple of threads and they seemed to have helped others so hopefully this can help me. So my ex-boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 and a half years (we were highschool sweethearts). He's an incredibly nice guy and everyone loves him...I honestly can't think of one person who doesn't. He was really cute and still is. It was my first relationship (and his too) so I was really scared and wanted to take things slow. School meant a lot to me and I had really overprotective parents so I snuck around with him. This took a huge toll on him because he really wanted to go out whenever and wherever but it was difficult because I had a curfew and spent a lot of my time on school or school related activities. Our relationship progressed slowly because of me but we had TONS of fun. We were always smiling whenever we were together. I'd say we were very much in love. But I was really scared I'd get hurt so I was hesitant to engage in sexual intercourse...and we still haven't. I told him I wanted to wait until after marriage but I can see now it was too much to ask of him. His friends made fun of him a lot (from both high school and university) and I guess their relationships with their girlfriends were a lot different so it made him upset. They invited him to lots of parties but he would turn them down because he thought it would upset me (it really didn't...but he said he didn't like parties anyways). But him having to reject his friends upset him (he has a REALLY hard time saying NO) so I got blamed for it. Apparently he loves them because thats all I hear of what he's been doing now. He constantly compared us to other couples and what they do. He accused me of flirting with my guy friends but in the end said it was "just how I was". He bought me a promise ring as an anniversary gift (3 months late) but it was too big so he returned it and never got me another one. If a girl flirted with him, he wouldn't back off and if I brought it up with him, he would dismiss it. If someone bad-mouthed me, he wouldn't defend me - just laughed it off. He was really passive and sensitive. Anyways, I really wanted to show him that I was serious about the relationship so I decided to tell my mom about him (which is what he wanted). MAN, the most nerve racking thing in the worlddddd! And guess what? 3 months later, he dumps me. Sweeeeet. His reasoning was that he has been unhappy for a while now. That he really wants to see me more often (we saw each other once a week) and when we saw each other, it feels too routine. He said he wants to be able to go out with me more often and have more freedom. Since he was unhappy, I let him go. A few weeks later, he messaged me and said he wanted to talk because he thought we may have ended things abruptly. I didn't think he really knew what he wanted so I told him to figure it out first. That was somehow misconstrued as "I don't want you back". After the breakup, we agreed we would probably not date for a VERY LONG time and that we would remain as good friends. He even suggested he'd be single forever LOL We would talk occasionally after. He somehow got the idea that I was hooking up with a friend and that I was completely over it. This wasn't the case at all and I reassured him. Maybe about 3 months after the breakup, I heard he got a girlfriend. ****ing. Stab. Through. My. Heart. Well of course I was bitter as ****. Everything he has ever said to me I felt was a complete lie. Then later, I realized I should be happy for him because he now has what he has always wanted. Then later, I thought what if he cheated on me? Then later, I realized he would never do such a thing to me. And it has been back and forth non stop. As soon as I think I'm getting over it, I go back to square one. It has been like this for a year now and they are STILL together! And I think it may be because I'm not nearly as happy as he is. Or that he got over me so quickly. Or that I knew that I could have done better in the relationship and I now regret it. I do realize that the breakup has given me a chance to step back and learn from my mistakes. I came out of my shell more and started to meet new people because I distanced myself from people when I was with him - I thought all I needed was him to be happy. I also tried new things and it was a lot of fun but no matter what I do, I feel empty. I would enjoy the things I was doing 10x more if he was there beside me. LOL As I'm typing this, I'm realizing our relationship pretty much showed all the hallmark signs for a breakup. But I just can't get over it. What if I just opened myself up more, we could still be together? All I can think about are the happy times we had together and how the hell could he get over me so quickly?! Maybe it is because I'm "slow". Maybe I just need a rebound? LOL I KNOW I'm young (I'm 20) and sound completely ridiculous and need to get over it but I just can't. I have been avoiding encounters with him because I just can't STAND the thought of him with his new girl....or old, they been together for about a year now...and here I am typing this like a crazy, obsessive bitch. I can honestly say that I have thought about him EVERY SINGLE ****ING DAY since our breakup. Can somebody please tell me WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? PS. I hear that they stay at each other's house 3x a week...so I guess he is REALLY getting what he wants.
Author Mel8 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 LOL Sorry, didn't realize how much I wrote.
fofiffs Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Stop worrying about the things that he wanted or weather that he's happy. Worry about what you want and your happiness. If he's happy then let him be. Do things that will make you happy.
Author Mel8 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Thanks, you're right. But I just can't help but feel so empty. Right now, all I have is school and it's so hard to concentrate. My grades have been dropping and I guess it's because I have nothing to look forward to.
Thebob Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I honestly joined LoveShack for this specific problem. I never thought it would come to this, but it has. I have read a couple of threads and they seemed to have helped others so hopefully this can help me. So my ex-boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 and a half years (we were highschool sweethearts). He's an incredibly nice guy and everyone loves him...I honestly can't think of one person who doesn't. He was really cute and still is. It was my first relationship (and his too) so I was really scared and wanted to take things slow. School meant a lot to me and I had really overprotective parents so I snuck around with him. This took a huge toll on him because he really wanted to go out whenever and wherever but it was difficult because I had a curfew and spent a lot of my time on school or school related activities. Our relationship progressed slowly because of me but we had TONS of fun. We were always smiling whenever we were together. I'd say we were very much in love. But I was really scared I'd get hurt so I was hesitant to engage in sexual intercourse...and we still haven't. I told him I wanted to wait until after marriage but I can see now it was too much to ask of him. His friends made fun of him a lot (from both high school and university) and I guess their relationships with their girlfriends were a lot different so it made him upset. They invited him to lots of parties but he would turn them down because he thought it would upset me (it really didn't...but he said he didn't like parties anyways). But him having to reject his friends upset him (he has a REALLY hard time saying NO) so I got blamed for it. Apparently he loves them because thats all I hear of what he's been doing now. He constantly compared us to other couples and what they do. He accused me of flirting with my guy friends but in the end said it was "just how I was". He bought me a promise ring as an anniversary gift (3 months late) but it was too big so he returned it and never got me another one. If a girl flirted with him, he wouldn't back off and if I brought it up with him, he would dismiss it. If someone bad-mouthed me, he wouldn't defend me - just laughed it off. He was really passive and sensitive. Anyways, I really wanted to show him that I was serious about the relationship so I decided to tell my mom about him (which is what he wanted). MAN, the most nerve racking thing in the worlddddd! And guess what? 3 months later, he dumps me. Sweeeeet. His reasoning was that he has been unhappy for a while now. That he really wants to see me more often (we saw each other once a week) and when we saw each other, it feels too routine. He said he wants to be able to go out with me more often and have more freedom. Since he was unhappy, I let him go. A few weeks later, he messaged me and said he wanted to talk because he thought we may have ended things abruptly. I didn't think he really knew what he wanted so I told him to figure it out first. That was somehow misconstrued as "I don't want you back". After the breakup, we agreed we would probably not date for a VERY LONG time and that we would remain as good friends. He even suggested he'd be single forever LOL We would talk occasionally after. He somehow got the idea that I was hooking up with a friend and that I was completely over it. This wasn't the case at all and I reassured him. Maybe about 3 months after the breakup, I heard he got a girlfriend. ****ing. Stab. Through. My. Heart. Well of course I was bitter as ****. Everything he has ever said to me I felt was a complete lie. Then later, I realized I should be happy for him because he now has what he has always wanted. Then later, I thought what if he cheated on me? Then later, I realized he would never do such a thing to me. And it has been back and forth non stop. As soon as I think I'm getting over it, I go back to square one. It has been like this for a year now and they are STILL together! And I think it may be because I'm not nearly as happy as he is. Or that he got over me so quickly. Or that I knew that I could have done better in the relationship and I now regret it. I do realize that the breakup has given me a chance to step back and learn from my mistakes. I came out of my shell more and started to meet new people because I distanced myself from people when I was with him - I thought all I needed was him to be happy. I also tried new things and it was a lot of fun but no matter what I do, I feel empty. I would enjoy the things I was doing 10x more if he was there beside me. LOL As I'm typing this, I'm realizing our relationship pretty much showed all the hallmark signs for a breakup. But I just can't get over it. What if I just opened myself up more, we could still be together? All I can think about are the happy times we had together and how the hell could he get over me so quickly?! Maybe it is because I'm "slow". Maybe I just need a rebound? LOL I KNOW I'm young (I'm 20) and sound completely ridiculous and need to get over it but I just can't. I have been avoiding encounters with him because I just can't STAND the thought of him with his new girl....or old, they been together for about a year now...and here I am typing this like a crazy, obsessive bitch. I can honestly say that I have thought about him EVERY SINGLE ****ING DAY since our breakup. Can somebody please tell me WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? PS. I hear that they stay at each other's house 3x a week...so I guess he is REALLY getting what he wants. Because your not letting yourself get over the relationship. That is plain and simple, you need to move on and meet new guys. Have fun while your at it. Of course it will be hard to forget about him, but that is what it's like for everyone. You will always have those glimpses from the past but those are unavoidable. You know that your not compatible so what's the problem now? Move on and stay strong. You got this. Thebob
WTRanger Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Your problem is your brain. Our brains love to focus on the problems, the endings. Yet, we rarely ever remember the starts and the good times. You are aware that you are spending too much time thinking about him, yet you aren't doing anything to refocus your attention. Next time you start thinking about him, force yourself back into your studies. Deal with the current thought in your head about him, then immediately move onto your studies. Do not let yourself dwell in the moment. Think of it as having both ears open. The thought comes in one hear and you must let it pass through and exit out the other ear. Right now, your exit ear is closed and these thoughts are just bouncing around your mind. Keep in mind, this isn't an easy task. So drop the fantasy land thoughts that one day some fairy will come by and erase your feelings for him. That will not happen. You know what will erase your feelings? A new guy. That is why you perceive him to move on so fast. Why should he dwell on your when he's got a new squeeze? There is no space in his mind for you, so you have got to evict him for your mind as well. You need to really think about what is at stake here. What is more important? Obsessing over a past-due relationship or your higher education? In 10 years from now, will you honestly be happy if you flunk or drop out of college just because of this douche?
Author Mel8 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Posted November 23, 2009 Thanks guys. Yeah, I've been studying all day and decided to take a break. I do tend to dwell on a lot of things...I fell asleep last night shivering just thinking about it. I'm trying really hard not to think about it but it's hard when you have so many mutual friends. But I really do appreciate all the feedback - it's nice to have the support.
fofiffs Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Thanks, you're right. But I just can't help but feel so empty. Right now, all I have is school and it's so hard to concentrate. My grades have been dropping and I guess it's because I have nothing to look forward to. Take it from me, you don't want to let your grades drop because of some guy. I made that mistake when my ex left me causing me to fail 2 of my classes. Now I regret ever letting myself get that low. It wasn't worth it. You don't want to have to retake a class or your GPA dropping cuz of someone. Just because it didn't work out with you and this guy doesn't mean you have nothing to look foreward to. Do it for yourself and your future not for him. Keep your head held up high, life is too short.
RobM Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 You're 20 years old, nothing to look forward to? You're so young, you have your entire life to look forward to. There isn't just one right person for you, you'll probably meet and fall in love with several during your life. Stop reliving your entire relationship, it's time to move on and meet new people. Start going out with friends, meeting new guys. The only things you can control is you, how you feel, how you live your life. You're responsible for you own happiness, not anyone else.
Author Mel8 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Thanks guys and I'm sorry to hear that fofiffs. I'm trying to pull up my marks now and redeem myself for final exams. I have a scholarship on the line so it's important I keep my grades up. I'm doing a lot better today and you guys are right - it's time to move on. Everytime I think about it, I immediately try and focus my attention elsewhere. And everytime I do go out with friends, I'm fine within the moment but everytime I go home, I feel lonely again. It's strange.
CaliGuy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 You'll get over your breakup when you WANT to. You need to accept that it's over and focus on yourself. Most people who fail to get over a relationship simply reject the reality that it's over. They stay stuck in a cycle of thinking about him/her constantly. It doesn't matter who they are with now. All that matters is they aren't with you anymore so you have to go on with your life. Being stuck in the past and on someone who has walked away is your own personal prison. The good part is, you have the key to walk out of this jail anytime you want. You simply need to learn to let go. Let them go. If for no other reason then they let YOU go.
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