argann Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 (edited) Advice. First off great site with great people and lots of good reading. Thanks for any and all the help! I started talking to a girl last summer who was going through a divorce. She’s also a coworker. I know shoot me. But she’s a great girl and yeah I’d do anything for her w/ out question. Her divorce is set to be final soon and she moved out last summer also. The X has a kid from a previous marriage. The kid’s mom died when he was a couple months old. Same thing happened to me to yeah I know it’s tough. My girl has known him since he was almost a year old and he considers him her son and he says mom. She still see’s him and takes care of him every other weekend and some times during the week. Her X travels a lot and she really likes the kid. He’s great so my soft side doesn’t have an issue. Everything was pretty good till mid summer. I was taking on way to much at work, her hub was giving he grief to for seeing someone and not being divorced, I was traveling and had way to much on my plate He sometimes uses the kid as a wedge when he wants too. I tried to mostly play hands off. I tried to wait for her to call / txt /email when we spoke because I know she was under a lot of stress. I tried to take care of some of the low fruit for her so she could have time to spend with me. I own a company, work for a company, am a reservist, and go to school. Yeah I know way too much. I’ve been working on selling my biz since mid summer but I couldn’t because of contracts. But now I can and I just did. I took a staff job in the reserves with allows we to work form home. I also told my boss no more 10-12 hour days and that 8-9 as I worked way too much. This year I travel about 7 weeks and by November made as much as I did all of 2008. So about 5 weeks ago she said she needed some time. A week following she said she wanted to be single and that it turned into a lot of stress caused by stuff on both sides and she needed to fix stuff. That she cared about me a lot more than probably any other person, didn’t know what the future held but was still trying to fix the divorce and getting her life back in order. I said ok let me know what I can do. I know I’ve made some mistakes and that I need to get stuff off my plate to that I have let go for way to long. I knew at some point she was going to need time to recover from the divorce and refind herself. A week later I talked to her and told her I’m going to keep my conversations to a minimum and strictly work related. Since then we talk maybe once a week, 99% of the time it’s strictly work and I make sure it’s quick…I need this…have a great day, hope your doing well, thanks…nex Over the past month I work out 6-8 times a week, lost 15lbs, sold the company, slowed down my work hours, pretty much knocked all my to do’s off my desk and have done things I’ve just needed to do. Tighten that belt back up. Last night I went out with some friends and she happened to be at a pub with her friends seeing my friends band. I sat down alone and she sent me a txt that I could join her group. I said ‘thanks, much appreciated but my friends were in route”. She said ok and let me know. I said “I would and that I might leave a bit early for other plans that I’m waiting on”. Gave her a smile visually and hung out. About 15 minutes later my friends showed up a long w/ some other mutual coworkers that we both know. Some sat at her table some sat a mind. Had a great time and great night. She left and about 30 minutes later I left. Early this week she sent me a txt and said she’d be over this weekend to get her stuff. She stayed here sometimes and left some clothes hear. She said Sunday if not next week. I said Sunday might work and that if not she could use her key grab her clothes and leave the key under the mat. I said if I was there I would help but I may have plans. I also said if she didn’t I’d bring it over as it needs to go. I’m just trying to plan for tomorrow. To be honest yeah I want her back w/ out question. The mistakes are easy to fix mostly communication and letting her heal from her marriage, grow, and move on so she can recharge her batters. I know I need to get things off my plate and have totally cleaned my front lawn. Totally needed this. I think yeah we need some time to take care of things and she needs time to fix herself. My goals for sure get her back, keep my focus and talk and keep things open. I never opened up a lot just never something I was good at. But she's a great gal and I think wants to be with me just a timing issue. If it matters she's 25 and I'm 32. I think I'm doing the NC thing ok. If she contacts me I keep it to the T short and sweet. My only question w/ NC is that if you want to get back together and they are doing NC to well someone has to give first. Any advice on where to go from here and suggestions I’m all hears. Any questions fire away. Edited November 22, 2009 by argann
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