muse08 Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 i'm dealing with a few things currently. not only am i trying to get through the holiday since my recent breakup but i'm also planning to not go home for this holiday. my mom and sister are giving grief b/c of my decision but my closest girlfriend since middle school, understands my decision. i love my family to pieces and have been home every year for the holiday. only this year i don't feel up to it, e.g. dealing with the questions of my recent job resignation, seeing all the couples which will remind me of my recent break up, then dealing with comments from my mom who is very critical of me and my "looks". no i'm not obese or a monster and even if i was she should still not nag me just b/c she can.she'll comment on what i wear or the fact that i've gained a little weight. im already trying to work through my emotions and i feel like going home this year will only make matters worse. so instead i was thinking of going to a girlfriend's house in the city where i live.she's having a smaller setting at her house and she can relate to what i'm going through without criticizing me or asking me invasive questions. am i wrong for feeling the way i do...? after recent conversations w/my mom and sis, i feel more stressed than before...
Angel1111 Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Hey, girl. Well, that's a tough one. I did that once at Thanksgiving and it all had to do with a break-up and feeling bad about a lot of things in general. My family doesn't criticise me but I really didn't feel like putting on a happy face or socializing. My sister was super upset with me and now in retrospect I can see where it was somewhat selfish and disappointing to the family. I think most people see the holidays as being about family and when one member doesn't show up, it puts a damper on things - particularly at Christmas. What I usually do when I'm around couples is think about how the majority of them are in bad relationships and can't stand each other, and I thank my lucky stars for having the sense to get out of the bad ones I was in. Of course, you feel the way you feel, but I am concerned that you're going to end up feeling more alienated than before if you spend a family holiday with friends. It's not the same as being with family, and it can end up making you feel even worse. I'm not saying that your decision about the holidays is right or wrong, but just be sure that you're thinking about the reality of the situation.
Author muse08 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 thanks for the response angel. i've been thinking about everything at once and it's almost overwhelming. you're right though about everything you said and my family is VERY important to me. my mother and i talk regularly and she knows what i'm going through but not in detail. i didn't tell her how much the breakup is affecting me, but she's aware of the job issue. i really don't feel like putting on a happy face AT ALL. and my family is pretty big, which is something to be thankful for(cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) and people are bound to get into your business just because. i just feel like at this particular time there are too many things going on with me to even try to fake it. your suggestion of what to say sounds pretty reasonable if i decide to go.i have been home every single year and trying to be happy whether my personal life is screwed up or not, i have put on the happy face. these past few months have just been rough on me and i've even had to see a therapist once and will see him again when i can afford it. i just want to get past my current state of emotions and past issues so that i can heal and be more emotionally stable. right now i'm not. when i'm alone i'm ok i guess since i don't have to answer to anybody, but just knowing that tension may arise from my mother, makes me uneasy. i'm really glad i went out last weekend, which really took my mind off things, but this weekend i'm in a serious funk. i'll be in thought and prayer about this for the next few days. i really don't like feeling this way. i'm no fun to be around and people will probably end up asking me "r u ok, r u ok..." b/c i'm usually "the life of the party" when we get together. other relatives have decided for one reason or another to spend the holiday elsewhere before, but i'm always in place... i'm tired of trying to do everything that other people expect me to. you're great angel. i'm gonnga TRY to get myself well enough to go home, but as of right now it's not in the plan.
Angel1111 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Then I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. If you feel strongly about not being there this year, then don't go. They'll get over it. Just take the pressure off of yourself, and take care of yourself. This, too, shall pass.
Author muse08 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 thanks. i decided to follow my feelings and not go this time. i feel much better since i've made the decision. my mother has accepted it i guess. just spoke w/her today. i know she will still miss me so i keep reminding her that i love her. she knows i do and she knows what i'm going through to some degree. have a WONDERFUL holiday!
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