My life is ruined

[WonderingWhy]

Good Luck man.... I know that you will have sunnier days in the future.... Keep your head up, and get the help you need. You will come out of this stronger than ever....

[liftedcj7on44s]

Well I am still here living and breathing. I am finding out some interesting things from a girl that I am talking too.

Today I texted My STBXW and asked how my son was doing and to see how she was. Well an hour went by an no response.

So We tried something. I flat out started being an azzhole over text messages(lol kinda corny for me). I let it be known that I am seeing someone else and that I no longer care about her anymore and that I only cared about my son and to stop being a B and tell me how my son was.

Sure enough she texted me back.

 

We exchanged a few texts told her to tell my son I loved him and I told her bye. Ended it at that.

 

Women, Don't understand them. Anyway moral of the story? I planted my foot down to let her know that she was no longer in control anymore and that is what made her start answering me back.

[DenverBachelor]

Women are like roulette in a Casino where every number is black except one red number and you bet on the red number because, "damn it, that red number is different!"

[Gunny376]

Well I am still here living and breathing. I am finding out some interesting things from a girl that I am talking too.

Today I texted My STBXW and asked how my son was doing and to see how she was. Well an hour went by an no response.

So We tried something. I flat out started being an azzhole over text messages(lol kinda corny for me). I let it be known that I am seeing someone else and that I no longer care about her anymore and that I only cared about my son and to stop being a B and tell me how my son was.

Sure enough she texted me back.

 

We exchanged a few texts told her to tell my son I loved him and I told her bye. Ended it at that.

 

Women, Don't understand them. Anyway moral of the story? I planted my foot down to let her know that she was no longer in control anymore and that is what made her start answering me back.

 

Oppps! Upside your head? What's that I hear?

 

A man "manning up"

[liftedcj7on44s]

Gunny I am very soft hearted, dont know why that's just the way I have always been. Everyone has told me that I needed to start manning up to her. Everyone was telling me that I honestly needed to treat her like crap. I didnt do this because this was the women that I loved and treating her like crap just seemed counter productive. But I am slowly learning what women want in a man.

 

I was always told to treat others how you want to be treated.

But in this situation My STBXW does not deserve for me to be nice to her.

If it takes me being the biggest azz to be able to let her know that I am no longer playing with her and that I have feelings too then so be it.

[Gunny376]

Gunny I am very soft hearted, dont know why that's just the way I have always been. Everyone has told me that I needed to start manning up to her. Everyone was telling me that I honestly needed to treat her like crap. I didnt do this because this was the women that I loved and treating her like crap just seemed counter productive. But I am slowly learning what women want in a man.

 

I was always told to treat others how you want to be treated.

But in this situation My STBXW does not deserve for me to be nice to her.

If it takes me being the biggest azz to be able to let her know that I am no longer playing with her and that I have feelings too then so be it.

 

No! No! No! This isn't about being a hard~@zz, hard nosed, or anything such.

 

This is about being a self autonomous being~ independent individual. This isn't about being a 'bad boy" but about being who and what you are.

 

Women will and are constantly testing you to see if you are the "real deal" ~ and you can bet that they're looking for the 'real deal'

 

Also known as confidence in one's self! Self confidence!

 

There are so many that fail the test? Because they lack confidence in themsleves.

 

Quit being a slave to sex, their vaginas and you will pass the test and each and every time.

 

Women know the power they have over men by virture of being women. They know the power and control they have when it comes to sex, seduction.

 

The guy they're looking for? Is the one that has the self discipline, self control over themselves, that's mastered themsevles over and above that?

[liftedcj7on44s]

Well I guess I am learning about all that now. Too bad It's too late, Nothing I can do about that now. I will just push forward everyday from here on out and do everything I can to keep in contact with my son.

[Gunny376]

I will just push forward everyday from here on out and do everything I can to keep in contact with my son.

 

That's your No.# 1 mission in life!

[liftedcj7on44s]

Here's an interesting turn of event's. As I stated in some of my posts I was adopted but not 100% clear on the details. Well today I decided to call my adopted dad to talk to him. My adopted mother answered the phone.

We talked and she told me that I had a letter in the mail. I asked who it was from, I was expecting something bad.

She said "Dear Sean, We are informing you that you have a sister and she has been trying to find you"

There was more details. I was given a number and when I called I talked to a case worker and she said that I have a sister that Is 2 years younger than me and that she has been trying to find me. She was also adopted shortly after I was adopted.

So the case worker is going to do what she can to make sure that we get to contact each other.

 

I knew I had a sister but that was all i knew. I did not know she had been put up for adoption like I was.

 

I am extremely happy to hear this news but I am also very sad. Just thinking about family and everything that has happened in my life has been a burden on me. I shed so many tears today while I was on the phone with the caseworker reading what my sister had wrote to the agency.

 

I am very excited to get to speak to her, But on the other hand I dont want to bring my troubles into her life.

 

What do I say to her? I was put up for adoption when I was 3 1/2 and I am 28 years old now and Im not sure how I should approach the situation.

 

It's amazing. When one door closes another one open's.

[scatterd]

I am sorry I just saw your post you have had alot of changes going on.I can say that I am excited for you about your sister.It will come natural to you when you talk you need family and sisters are protective of their brothers.I wish your wifes parents would not do this they are teaching her not how to keep a relationship.I am a mother of two girls 24 and 30 I expect them to try to communicate and I like my sons to be.I wish I had seen this sooner to give you advice but I am proud of how mature you have been.Keep the good work up you will make it through this as they say the first cut is the deepest.I wish it would have worked for you but now think your sister.Things happen for reasons we are here to learn it seems harsh but for every door that closes new ones open.You will understand why later but try to have faith.I will keep an eye on your post.Good Luck and hang in there.Hey nothing will ever change the fact that you are the father of your son dont worry you will see him she cant keep him away from you the courts will make sure.:bunny:Big HUG

[liftedcj7on44s]

Why do I keep having dream's about my wife?

Sometimes they are good dream's but most of the time they are bad one's.

[liftedcj7on44s]

Well today marked a turning point in my life, I hope. I got a text at 11:34 this morning and it was my long lost sister. We texted all day long. So much I used all my text's I had, lol.

She is being pretty guarded which i guess i can understand because even though were blood be really dont know each other.

I was 3 1/2 when i was put up for adoption and then she was put up for adoption when she was 4, I am 2 years older than she is. Our parents split us up. And now we have reconnected. This is just a wonderful thing.

Of all the drama that's been going on in my life the lord must have been looking out. This is what I need, I feel like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

It's amazing the way the lord works. Just when I thought I was down and out look how things change.

When 1 door closes another door opens.

 

And on top of all of that me and my Wife are now talking as friends, She is starting to see things from my point of view and is going to start being an adult and letting me see my son, we shall hear from her tomorrow.

 

I guess this is the lord telling me that I have a family, For me to wake up get my life together and spend it with my family the best way that I can.

 

To everyone here at Love Shack. Thank you for your support. Everyone here has helped me alot.

 

And I figured out why I dream about my wife, Its because im not thinking about her during the day. At night I have the dreams and its my bodies way of releasing the memories of her from my mind.

[Gunny376]

"When you think you got it figured out Gunny? Think again"

From the movie Marine.

 

In so far as the wife and the sister goes?

 

Take it SLOW! We're talking walking trough a mine field slow. Real slow! Deadly slow.

 

That's been one the hardest things in Life I've had to learn? Slow down! Take it slow and easy. Don't get into a rush. It was when I was trying to live life in a second that it came back to bite my in the rear.

 

Everytime!

 

I use to go out for a three mile run, and I still do two or three times a week?

 

But sometimes? I just go for a three mile walk. Why? Because I come to realize that that's the speed God meant for us to move through Life with.

 

When your in car you miss a lot, when your running? You miss less, but you still miss a lot.

 

But when your walking, you see a lot of what you've been missing!

 

Remeber! Relationships are built! Maintained. Nutured!

[liftedcj7on44s]

Thank you for the advise Gunny. I can see your point. As far as my wife is concerned I still don't really trust her. So Im definitely taking it slow with her. No I take that back, Im not moving foward with her to try to get her back, This is about my son and nothing else.

She has 2 choices and I let it be known. Either she mans up and calls me tomorrow and we work something out for me to be able to see my son or

I start paperwork, It's as simple as that.

 

As far as my sister is concerned its hard. I want to do all the things that a brother does for a sister, I want to be there for her because after 28 years she deserves it. But on the other hand I know this is probably a big turning point in her life and I will have to Gain her trust. Its hard because siblings should trust each other no matter what but because we dont really know each other thats a hard thing to do.

I will take your advice gunny, im not gonna pressure her to visit me, when she is ready im sure she will let me know.

 

I know this is a blessing and I need to take every opportunity to not screw this up.

[Gunny376]

This is about my son and nothing else.

 

 

"WORD!

 

want to be there for her because after 28 years she deserves it. But on the other hand I know this is probably a big turning point in her life and I will have to Gain her trust. Its hard because siblings should trust each other no matter what but because we dont really know each other thats a hard thing to do.

 

 

Word Up!

 

Takes TIME!

[liftedcj7on44s]

Your life is not ruined, your life is just starting. Pain will make you strong, not kill you, so keep that in mind.

 

And trust me, you'll count your blessing soon for being away from this toxic mess

 

hug

 

This is from like the 4th post on the 1st page of all this mess. You were right. My life is just beginning.

 

 

What can I gather from this whole situation? It has opened my eyes, I am seeing things from a different prospective. I have never been much of a religious person but I think that is about to change, The Lord exists and I was too blind to believe it. Well I know that you have just opened my Heart up to a world of possibilities. I thank you for all that you have done for me. I may have thought it was for the worse but now I realize it was actually for the best.

 

I am not sure if any of you care about it but I figured I would post up my facebook page. If anyone wants to chat then just let me know!

 

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000303019175

Edited March 5, 2010 by liftedcj7on44s

[liftedcj7on44s]

A little update on my situation.

Things on my end seem to be getting better.

With the recent discovery of my sister and having her in my life and talking with her daily it helps keep my mind off of my wife and keeps me from thinking so much.

I have learned a lot within just this short amount of time.

I have never really ever been a patient person. I always want things done now and I want answers now but that seems to be changing. I am learning to take things as they come 1 day at a time and not to rush things.

 

Me and my Sister seem to be getting along great.

We have not met face to face yet but plan to meet at the end of the month.

 

The most important thing that i am learning throughout all of this is that I am Learning more and more about myself.

 

I have been calling once a week to talk with my son. My wife still answers the phone when I call to talk to him and I appreciate that and I know she does care a little.

 

Talking to her tonight some things seem to be coming clear to me. I was talking to my son and he wanted to go play and me and my wife started talking. During our conversation (which was strictly business on my end")

I could hear her brother(same brother that was cursing me out over the phone before) Cursing at her, telling her to do this and to do that.

I politely asked her.

"There still treating you like sh#$ arent they?"

Her reply was yes.

I then politely told her that I was sorry but I could not help her and this was what she wanted.

She isn't happy I know that but she made her bed she can lay in it.

 

I am pretty much over her at this point in my life. Right now my life is all about "me". Rediscovering what makes me tick. Rediscovering Old friends.

I always know that no matter how much I am hurting or how alone that I feel I will always have my son no matter if he is with me or not.

 

Everything that I am learning is what has been told to me before but I never really payed much attention.

 

The connection with my sister is what started all of this. I have her to thank for everything that I am learning.

 

It's funny because I have always just felt alone, Like no one really loved me and since I was adopted that I did something wrong.

I also learned that while I was feeling all these things throughout my life that there was someone out there thinking about me, someone who never forgot about me.

 

I am actually a lot happier now than I was a few months ago. Thanks for everyone on this site, I will periodically update my situation as things progress.

Edited March 17, 2010 by liftedcj7on44s

[liftedcj7on44s]

Ok, so it's been a while since I have posted here. But here is an update.

Custody Mediation was August 12th. We both agreed to everything. So hopefully within the next week I should finally get to be able to get my son without having any issues.

 

Her father ended up getting a year's probation for communicating threat's to me right in front of a police officer which happened in July.

 

Now here is the part I am having problems with. August 12th whenever we both went to custody mediation she agreed to everything, even gave me a little more than I asked for. upon leaving mediation we both talked outside the court house for a little bit. No arguing or anything we did some laughing and joking.

 

I got hungry, Her brother had dropped her off and she was stuck so I offered Her a ride and she agreed.

 

We made in not 10 miles down the road and she kept getting closer and closer to me finally kissing me while I was driving. We got something to eat. Driving again she kept reaching over to me flirting with me.

 

So naturally I did the only thing that i knew to do and I found the nearest Dirt Road and we did the "deed"

 

She still keeps telling me that she Loves me. She keeps telling me that she wants to be with me. This is when I am in front of her.

 

Now I stopped making contact with her for a few months, I usually text her. The reason i stopped is because She hardly ever responded to me.

 

Upon leaving on the 12th she told me that she wanted me to start texting her again. So I have been for the past 3 day's and so far she has been texting me back.

 

 

I know this girl, I could see it in her eye that she was telling me the truth about wanting to get back together. But now that I am not around her and I basically give her the ultimatum to either be with me or not she just says she does not know right now.

 

We have been seperated for a year now and I have not met anybody else and really have not been looking for anybody else honestly. She tells me the same but I dont know. Not really trying to think about that.

 

 

So what do I do love shack? My only plan is to keep texting her being nice and hopefully she see's some sort of change during the times I start to get my son on the weekends.

 

 

My plan right now is to basically be as nice to her as I can, then once I start getting my son on the weekends i'm going to start distancing myself from her and stop letting her play games with me.

 

But all of this is hard for me to do when I care so much about this women. I dont want to ruin any chance that maybe someday when can get back together but I dunno.

 

 

O, let me tell you how scared this girl is. July 7th I had to go to her hometown. I asked to see my son and she agreed. Well she ended up having to sneak out of the house without her family knowing so I could see my son!!!!! And still to this day begs me not to let her parents find out. WTF????? I am sorry I know her, She is a good mom but The behavior that she is throwing out there is not something a mother would do. having to sneak out of the house so I can see my son and being in constant fear of her family is not healthy.

 

Wonder when the light bulb will go off???? Will it ever?? maybe maybe not but when It does I can only imagine the regret she will have to live with for the years to follow.

Edited August 15, 2010 by liftedcj7on44s

[Chi townD]

DUDE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! First off, the woman keeps your son away from you, and you barely saw him for a year! She flip flops from being nice to nasty as a snake in a matter of a day!

 

First off...Sorry, to break it to you. She was cheating on you. The signs were there. Paranoid that you were having her followed in Nov. The IMing about you seeing someone else. She was only asking that to levy her own guilt if you were! What you SHOULD have done was hire a PI back then! You live in a fault state, which would have help tremendously in divorce court should you have filed on grounds of adultry.

 

Given the adultry and her with holding you from seeing your son for almost a year, you could have had a GREAT chance of full custody and her paying you child support!

 

So, what do you do now? Just continue to be a great father to your kid. Do the right thing and pay your child support and FINALLY see your son every chance you get. He needs to know his father.

Edited August 15, 2010 by Chi townD

[liftedcj7on44s]

DUDE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! First off, the woman keeps your son away from you, and you barely saw him for a year! She flip flops from being nice to nasty as a snake in a matter of a day!

 

First off...Sorry, to break it to you. She was cheating on you. The signs were there. Paranoid that you were having her followed in Nov. The IMing about you seeing someone else. She was only asking that to levy her own guilt if you were! What you SHOULD have done was hire a PI back then! You live in a fault state, which would have help tremendously in divorce court should you have filed on grounds of adultry.

 

Given the adultry and her with holding you from seeing your son for almost a year, you could have had a GREAT chance of full custody and her paying you child support!

 

So, what do you do now? Just continue to be a great father to your kid. Do the right thing and pay your child support and FINALLY see your son every chance you get. He needs to know his father.

 

As much as I really don't want to hear that you are probably right. I'm gonna be nice to her until I start getting my visitation and I guess start distancing myself from her. I can't deal with this pain like this honestly. It sucks.

[Chi townD]

I totally feel for ya, bro! You.ve been put through the ringer with this whole thing. It also sounds like her family has her wrapped up and totally trying to get her to believe that you're a bad person. You know what? One day, she's gonna wake up and realize that isn't the case. By then, she may be too late. Time for you and your son to heal my friend. Time to breathe. Keep us posted!

[liftedcj7on44s]

Ok, I ended up having to go to her hometown yesterday to see my lawyer and sign the parenting agreement. I told her I was coming and she asked if I wanted to see my son and I told her I would like that. I met her at social services where she was trying to get something done about her food stamps. We ended up sitting in there for about an hour and it was a blast playing with my son. He didnt want to go back to his mother and kept crying. As we were leaving she kept asking me what was wrong.

 

I finally did it, It hurt like hell but I finally did it. I told her that I cant be in this relationship anymore if she doesnt love me and want to be with me, She kept telling me that she did love me and that she did want to be with me. I told her no you dont because if you did love me and want to be with me then we would not be where we are today and that you would not worry about what her parents or any of her family said and that she would be with me.

 

I told her that I dont know of any man that would go through all that I have been through this past year and still be trying to work things out with you.

 

I told her that if she didnt love me and didnt want to be with me that the sex would have to stop.

 

I could tell the shock and she honestly looked like she was having a hard time hearing what I said.

 

I left it at that and I gave her a hug and went about my business.

 

Last night at 10:30 she sent me a text asking me what I was doing. Here is exactly what I told her.

 

Her- What you doing?

Me- Laying down watching TV.

Her- What you watching

Me- George lopez on Nick

Her- What do you wanna do?

Me- What do you mean?

Her- about us?

Me- If you want to be with me then you need to show me that and not just tell me that.

Me-I'm willing to forget about all that has happened in the past. But in order for you to show me that you love me and want to be with me then you need to come home with me. I will never try to keep you from your parents. If you cant leave them and start over fresh with me then you do not love me and you do not want to be with me. I want to be with someone that does love me and wants to be with me for better or worse til death do us part.

 

She never texted me anything back last night and I have not Heard from her this morning. I was kind of expecting this.

 

So what should I do now? How long do I wait?

 

It seems like her mind is already made up I guess.

 

This is so hard especially when you love someone and care for them the way I do about her. My only plan is now to text her atleast once a day and ask about my son. But other then that I dont know what else to do.

 

Is there a possibility that she does love me and that she does want to be with me but she cant because of her parents?????

[liftedcj7on44s]

texted her a few minutes ago. Here is the outcome.

Me- How Is William doing today?

Her- Were Good. How are you?

Me- Fine. Headed back to work.

Her- Ok have fun

Me- Did you read what I sent you last night?

Her- Yea. I dont know

Me- ok. Well I am going to take that as a no then and just forget about it. I have waited long enough and I cant wait any longer.

 

Am I messing things up here?????

I would like to be with her and work things out. I would like for her to give me an honest answer. All I can get out of her is " I dont know" How Do I deal with this.

As much as I love her and want to be with her I am at the point that I have hurt for 1 year too many and If she doesnt want to be with me then she needs to straight out and tell me no and I will move on with my life.

Edited August 18, 2010 by liftedcj7on44s

[Chrome Barracuda]

...Your doing the right thing, You should have started moving on a long time ago, before the final decree, life is too short to waste on a woman who is wishy washy. If she cant be a mature adult and show and have mature love, then whats the point?

 

She's treated you like crap for long enough.

[liftedcj7on44s]

...Your doing the right thing, You should have started moving on a long time ago, before the final decree, life is too short to waste on a woman who is wishy washy. If she cant be a mature adult and show and have mature love, then whats the point?

 

She's treated you like crap for long enough.

 

I agree. If she would just tell me no instead of "I dont know" then I would be better off. She gets my hopes up and then shoots me back down.

 

I texted her earlier to ask if she would call me so I could talk to my son. She wont reply to me now so I must have made her mad but I never said anything to her to make her mad. What I posted on here is exactly what I told her to the T. I was not an A-hole about it I dont believe. Or was I.

 

I really hope this doesnt make her mad at me and decide not to sign the parenting agreement this coming monday......

Edited August 18, 2010 by liftedcj7on44s