Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Yeah its pretty pathetic that she is letting her father scare her that much. I hate not talking to my son, But I have to remind myself everyday that one day I will be able to see him whenever I want to and she cant stop it. Thanks everyone for the support.
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 I dont know what to do, I still cannot stop thinking about her. She has not cantacted me any since the email I sent her about our relationship. She has changed email accounts as far as I can tell. I cant stop thinking about her though. I am just trying to move on with my life and forget about her but I cant seem to forget.
phineas Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 What does your lawyer say about seeing your son? Honestly, I don't know why you havn't called the police or the family court. don't you want to see your son?
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 I have talked to the police, I have talked to the sherriff and they all say that there isnt anything that they can do. I have spent 3 hours in the court house down here only to be told by everyone there that they could not help me to get a lawyer. I have to file for custody, That is the only way I am going to be able to see my son. I cannot go down there for fear of my life from her father and brother. So I am saving the 2300 for the lawyer and going that route. Once there is an order brought up then there is nothing that her or her parents can do about it. And yes I do want to see my son very badly but in the situation I am in with her family I dont think its a good idea for me to show up on there door step.
Gingy Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 First of all I want to commend you on being a great man and loving your son and seeing he is taken care of, and spending time with him as much as you can. As for your wife I am sorry,my father is in the same problem with my five year old brother. Although he pays his dues he is not entitled every weekend but every other weekend.You should remind her that parenting is a two way street and that she should be happy that after all the s** she has put you through you still want to work it out with her and be a father,now a days that's not easy to find . Tell her if she truly loves you and her family and wants to move foward she needs to be back home with you (parents out of the picture)Especially if the father dislikes you that's always a major problem. As for the things that you did i don't see how you hurt her? So she needs to clean everyone does its part of a marriage. Your ideals and goals need to be in place not only for your son but for your happiness and sanity...Also do you have the receipts for the money orders? That should also be presented if you decide to divorce...Good luck no matter what happens. **Child of Divorce**
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 (edited) I have tried and tried to make things right with her until I am blue in the face. I tried being nice. Giving her the car back, sending her money without her asking for it and what did i get?? I cant see my son now. I love the girl to death I always have and I always will. I never wanted to have to get lawers and the authorities involved but I honestly have no choice now. She seems to have her own life now and It involves her and my son without me in the picture. I will make damn sure my son knows that I am his father. I will not give up on him. If i have to fight her and her family for the rest of my life then that is what I will have to do. And yes I do have the receipts. I dont think they are going to make a difference. If she is like this towards me now then what is to say that she will not lie in court when the time comes??? Edited January 7, 2010 by liftedcj7on44s
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 been doing ok here lately. Have not been thinking of her as much as I have usually. But that all just came crashing down on me. I was sitting here listening to some music that I have not heard in a long time. Well I happened to run across some Chris Daughtry and was listening to the song "It's not over". He got to the part where he says "My life with you mean's everything, so I wont give up that easily" and It hit me extremely hard. Starting to shed some tears. I kniw I should not be listening to this kind of music as it does nothing but make me hurt worse but It's a very good song and the video just makes it that much more better.
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 (edited) Ok today really really sucked bad. I ended up having to go to her hometown for court. They were trying to get me for Child support that I had already paid. This was not the issue. All this was taken care of and I was in and out in 10 minutes. After leaving I gave my STBXW a call. And this is how it all sort of went down. Me- Hi what are you doing Her in a mean tone-- washing dishes Me- Are you home alone Her-- No Dj is here with me (her brother) Me-Is there anyway you can meet me somewhere so I can see my son?? Her-I have no way to go anywhere and its too cold for him to be outside. Me-So you dont take him outside when it's cold and keep him cooped up in the house all day?? Her-no he goes places. me--Then why cant you meet me somewhere, Just for 5 minutes so i can see my son Her-in a very mean voice(You have not called to talk to your son in over 3 weeks and expect me to let you see him, I dont have 5 minutes that I can meet you to see him) M-I told you the reason I dont call. it hurts me alot to call there and be told I cant see my son, It hurts me to talk to my son without being able to see him, It hurts me when i call there to talk to him and Get cursed out by your brother and your dad so these are the reasons I dont call. My son does not need to be hearing this kind of stuff. Her--CLICK(hung up) I called back she picked up and hung back up, I called back again and she answered. Me- I need you to be 100% honest with me, Why wont you let me see my son for even 5 minutes?? Her-I done told you I am afraid you are going to take him away. Me-If I was going to take him away then dont you think I would have already done this? Her-You hurt me bad, You didnt help me so why should I let you see him. Me-I understand that I hurt you, and I told you a million times that I am sorry for not helping you out more, But why do you keep bringing up the past and using that against me seeing my son, Its wrong. I never beat on you, I never beat on my son I dont understand it, All I want is 5 minutes with him and then I will be gone out of your hair. Her-Well you should have thought about that before and she hung up and then I ended up throwing my phone on the ground and busting it to pieces. I do not get it. I never hurt this girl, she is making it sound like I beat her and my son and abused her. I am getting the kind of punishment from her that a child molester deserves. Not someone that just wants to see his child and would never hurt him or her. There were alot more things that were said during this conversation that I did not put because it would end up being too long. But mostly it was her brother taking the phone from her and calling me names, cursing me out right in front of my son!!!!!!! Why,Why its been 5 months since she left me why is she still acting this way towards me?? I just wanted to see my kid for 5 freakin minutes. Do you guys think that I am wrong since telling you what happens when I call about the threats and name calling that stopping the phone calls is the wrong thing??? My friends were with me while I was talking to her and told me that from what they heard was me being calm and not getting upset and trying to have a decent conversation. But My STBXW keep telling me to stop being a dickhead and asking me why I am making this hard???? I was as polite, didnt raise my voice to her or anything and I am the one making it complicated and Im the Dickhead????? Everything I am telling you guys from my end of the story is 100% the honest truth, I have not made up any stories. My friends are always around when I talk to her and only on a few occasion have I been angry but the rest of the times I am calm(even though inside im enraged)and try to be nice to her, but she tells me I am not. I have done everything In my power that I can do, I am exhausted and no longer know what to do anymore. SHe knows my buttons and she seems to be pushing everyone of them just right, I am almost to the point of giving up on everything and just ending it all. I mean If I cant work anything out with her for my sons sake then I might as well. She wont allow me to see him anyway. Edited January 12, 2010 by liftedcj7on44s
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Anybody??? Is there any way to deal with this monster she has become???
JLoves Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I really don't know how I would react in your situation. I have two lovely kids who I am the primary caregiver for. I don't know where I'd be without them. (although I'd be out on the street for sure). Her family has put a wall around them and her, making it practically impossible for you to actually talk directly to her. I wonder what stories she is telling her family to make them so angry with you. When you are on the phone to her, all they can hear is her getting hysterical, (I'm guessing here). They are at least reacting to that. What happened to the right to the father to see their child. There must be a way to get an outside mediator or child support charity to talk to her. Maybe suggesting that one of her friends, not her immediate family be present to alleviate her fears of you taking the child away? Sorry I can't be of more help. Just remember, there are others who are thinking of the pain you are going through. Good luck..
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 She will not budge. The way I see it she never want's to talk to me ever. She keeps expecting me to call all the time to find out how my son is doing and when I tell her that I cant call because of the reasons I posted on here she doesnt seem to get it. parents should share equal responsibility with there child. So It would make logical sense to me that she would maybe contact me every now and then and let me talk to my son because she knows I wont call. i honestly do love my son to death I really do and it hurt's me everyday to not call to talk to him. She is mad at me now because I dont call him. Errrrrr She needs to see things from my perspective then maybe she would understand why I dont call. Its not what she is telling her parents its what she isnt telling her parents. Me and her father never liked each other anyway due to what I know about him. And his wife stands by his side so she isnt going to budge either. The only thing I know to do is take her to court. I never wanted it to get this far, She wont communicate with me at all, I try everything to communicate with her. I have not begged her to come back to me in over 2 months. I gave up on that, i am giving her the space she wanted and the time she wanted but she still treats me like garbage anytime I want to see my son.
G-O Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Sorry your not able to see your son. I'm fresh into a possible divorce and I have two boys. I'm able to see my kids for about four hours a day and tomorrow I won't be able to see them at all because the wife is off and I can't go to the house. Hope she starts to let you see your boy. Good luck.
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Thats great you get to see your kids. My STBXW lives 2 hours away now and yesterday was the first time in 3 months that i was in her hometown and just wanted to see my kid that's all.
JLoves Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I know it's hard, but maybe you could start walking rather than running. She wants you to talk to your son. That's at least a starting point. It's better than nothing at all. If you could start talking to him, she'll eventually feel better about letting you see him. She can see that you are trying to do the best for him. Agree with a time in the day when you can call her to talk to your son.. Without any family around if you can. If she can't agree to that, then you won't call at all. That makes the decision hers. Thats the only suggestion that comes to mind. Small steps. Its hard to talk to her.. I know exactly what you mean. I find it hard to talk to my W. A whole ton of painful memories. Oh.. Logical doesn't come into it unfortunately when emotions are running so high.
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 I really don't know how I would react in your situation. I have two lovely kids who I am the primary caregiver for. I don't know where I'd be without them. (although I'd be out on the street for sure). Her family has put a wall around them and her, making it practically impossible for you to actually talk directly to her. I wonder what stories she is telling her family to make them so angry with you. When you are on the phone to her, all they can hear is her getting hysterical, (I'm guessing here). They are at least reacting to that. What happened to the right to the father to see their child. There must be a way to get an outside mediator or child support charity to talk to her. Maybe suggesting that one of her friends, not her immediate family be present to alleviate her fears of you taking the child away? Sorry I can't be of more help. Just remember, there are others who are thinking of the pain you are going through. Good luck.. That's not going to work either. The reason? I was calling every single night to tell my son good night and was being told i could not see him, i still called everynight to talk to him and was still told I could not see him. in one of our conversations I heard her mother in the background hollering at her saying, "Why are you talking to him? let him talk to William and then hang up. If he comes down here and takes him then we cant do anything because we dont have custody papers" STBXW denied her mother saying that. So once again I will say it. The reasons i do not call there anymore. I cant see my son Im always getting cursed out. It hurts to call to talk to him and constantly be told I cannot see him See where this is going????? i have exhausted all possible means of communicating with her on a peaceful basis about my son.
JLoves Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 She wants you to talk to your son.. Just do that. Don't ask to see him, just talk to him. I know this will hurt. Lay down the rules for the time you will talk to him. No family in the background. No getting cursed out. These seem like reasonable things to me. If the rules get broken or the conversation starts going down hill. Say 'I'm not taking this abuse, goodbye' and hang up until the next day. If you get yelled at for not calling, 'you wanted me to call, but I can't have a proper conversation. I'm trying'. Repeat until they get the message. Something along those lines. You have to put your foot down and get some of your self respect back.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 THE TIME FOR DIPLOMACY IS OVER SCROUGE UP EVERY FREAKING DOLLAR AND HIRE A FAMILY LAWYER, SUE HER FOR FULL DAMN CUSTODY!! What dont you understand? She is your adversary now! there is no more being nice. Let the lawyer do all the talking
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 THE TIME FOR DIPLOMACY IS OVER SCROUGE UP EVERY FREAKING DOLLAR AND HIRE A FAMILY LAWYER, SUE HER FOR FULL DAMN CUSTODY!! What dont you understand? She is your adversary now! there is no more being nice. Let the lawyer do all the talking I know what I need to do. I am just worried that since its going to take me atleast a month to get money straight and with me not calling anymore then this will be used against me and I dont want that.
mikeymad Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 just call and talk to him. you know that's all you can get right now, so do it happily and do not cave to her freaking out. become emotionally detached from her. she keeps doing it because she knows she can get to you and can hurt you. at the end of the month, if you have enough money, approach her one last time to at least see the child under supervision if not alone. Then tell her that you have parental rights to see this child, and if she won't comply, you have no other choice than to get an atty. and if her family threatens you, make sure to get restraining orders against them.
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 She wants you to talk to your son.. Just do that. Don't ask to see him, just talk to him. I know this will hurt. Lay down the rules for the time you will talk to him. No family in the background. No getting cursed out. These seem like reasonable things to me. If the rules get broken or the conversation starts going down hill. Say 'I'm not taking this abuse, goodbye' and hang up until the next day. If you get yelled at for not calling, 'you wanted me to call, but I can't have a proper conversation. I'm trying'. Repeat until they get the message. Something along those lines. You have to put your foot down and get some of your self respect back. This is where it has gotten too. Plus how can this make sense? She wants me to talk to him but she does not want me to see him?? How can that make sense. If she really wanted me to talk to him then she would contact me sometimes and let me talk to him. I know I need a lawyer, I am going to get one I promise. i am just trying everything I can to see if there is anyway of getting through to her before I go the Lawyer route. All my friends that know me and know her cant believe any of this is happening. they all tell me that when she has to get on the stand in front of my lawyer while he is drilling her with questions then this is when she is going to end up folding. I dont know. I honestly dont want it to have to go that far but i am not giving up on my son, I will not do that.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 You make overtures to see your son until you can afford a lawyer but that's it your done with the relationship. Her family is toxic to you, and your son deserves a father.
CeeL Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I like a happy ending as much as anyone, but you're spinning your wheels here: your wife's decided she'd rather go back to being a child in her daddy's house than handle the responsibilities of a grown-up. She's not acting like one, and she's not planning on starting. So it's up to you to do so. As the man said above: get a lawyer, now. You're well past thinking this is going to have a happy ending. Sue for divorce and full custody, and see what shakes out of the negotiations. At least you'll get firm, court-ordered, legally-enforceable visitation schedule -- and you'd better get it pinned down in writing, because this bunch you're dealing with isn't going to hold up any "gentlemen's agreement", obviously. You're worried about lack of contact with your son working against you. North Carolina is a single-party-consent state for telephone recordings. That party is YOU. Get a tape recorder and phone adapter, and record every attempt you make to call and politely ask to talk to your boy. State the time and date of each call on the tape before you connect. Don't threaten, don't mention the tape (unless your lawyer tells you otherwise). Keep your temper, don't get in an argument no matter what you hear. Say goodbye when they get hostile or argumentative. Don't call back right away when they hang up on you -- keep to a schedule of a couple of tries a week. Keep a log of these calls in writing, and let your lawyer decide what to do with that information. Best case is, maybe you'll get through to the boy once in a while. Worst case is, you've got a record showing you did your best, and the other people involved are unreasonable and combative -- maybe even unsuitable for having custody of a child. (Sure sounds like it from here!) Your wife is going to have to decide what she wants to do with her life -- but you need to set that whole question aside and take the hard steps needed to keep yourself in your son's life. You've got no choice at this point: threatening to get a lawyer won't do it. Get the process started and let the court notify her, not you. Whatever you do, don't give them any ammo against you, because you can be sure their lawyer will trot out anything they can think of or puff up. Good luck!
mark982 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 ceel just gave some of the best advice yet. lifted--i'd be headed to radio shack tomorrow.
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 I am going today to check myself into the mental Health institute. I am having such a hard time. I know I need to get a lawyer and everything But I am so damn depressed that i cannot save any money and It is not getting me anywhere. My firends are pretty much forcing me to go because they fear that I may end up killing myself Which I honestly feel like doing. It's sad after all I have been through that I still love her and my son more than I love myself. I dont know how to help myself anymore. I love this girl to death and it pains me consantly every single day 24/7 that I am being treated like a criminal. I am going to find out what is wrong with me and maybe I can find out how to help myself. The depression medicine didnt seem to help me. I was told by a few friends of mine that they think I have a chemical imbalance. So I doubt I will be posting any more on this thread for a long while. I dont want to end my life but I dont have anything anymore. I care more about her and my son so much but just cant seem to do anything about it anymore. To all those out there That are married and having hard times. Stick together work things out. Dont use your kids as a pawn. My life has been a struggle every since I was 5 years old. Being adopted 3 times I guess it has messed me up pretty badly. Wish me luck.
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