imagine Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Originally the car was loaned to her so that she could visit you with the child. She reneged on that. What makes you think that you will get any money from the car at all? What I suggest is that you let her sell the car and report it stolen. This way you have a small chance of getting your money back. All of it.
curiou Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 lifted, I wouldn't read too much into why she asks you something like that. It'll fry your brain if you overthink the implications. I would focus on actions. Has she let you see her son? Is she trying to be reasonable about finances? If she is not DOING those things, it doesn't matter what words come out of her mouth.
imagine Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 And some innocent person gets in trouble for buying stolen goods.....are you joking or are you nuts? This person will not be in trouble if they have the appropriate license. I do agree that I would not want to be shuffled around during a purchase. I would however not pass any money until I had the documentation sorted out.
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 So what do I do. Do I just stop beleiving anything that she tells me? She sounded very sincere on the phone last night, almost like she was missing me but I am 100% sure that is not the case. She tells me she is not working- Should I beleive that??? Should I beleive any single thing that comes out of her mouth?
imagine Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I aksed her if she found out if we were married or not. She said yes we are married but seperated. She had the nerve to ask me if I was moving on. In my eyes she has already moved on, then why would she ask me such a question??? I am confident that you are only divorced when you sign a divorce paper. Yes, you are separated. This period of separation will lead up to a divorce. It should be made very clear to her that while you are married, you have never moved on.
nobmagnet Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 hope you dont mind me saying something that might be a little random here?? I am british and am heartend by some of your responces. I amnot religious but I do follow the rules of humanity. The heart felt sutelties of commitment , either married or not, are really comforting to know. it transmits very very well. random..........yes. love you all ........yes very much. xx
jmargel Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 This girl (she is a girl, not a woman) is messed up in the head. She continues to lead you on like teasing a starving dog with a bone. It's a game to her. She doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you. It's not because she loves you, it's because of her selfish attitude, just like her dad. She is way too immature, you NEED to get a lawyer for your own son's safety. What she is doing is basically kidnapping your son. These are CRITICAL years of your son's life and unless you continue that bond with him you will have major problems. Start working on the things you CAN control. Don't worry about her parents or any of the crap she's going to spew out of her mouth. Start focusing on yourself, short-term goals and your son. Get your life back, get the ball back into your court. Stop letting her make all the decisions. This marriage is over. There is no trust, no bond. It's a game, a soap opera. It's not because of you, it's because of her dysfunctional personality. Unless she goes to counseling for herself, nothing will change. Quit being a pawn in her game.
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Here is what i believe. I believe that she found out that our marriage was never legit. I think she knows this and is using it against me. I believe that she filed for a lost title to the car, She now has a new title and will sell the car. I believe everything she is telling me on the phone is a bunch of B.S. Not letting me see my son because she says she is afraid that I am going to take him away from her is a big no-no. Wonder what the judge will tell her about that. I cant get the truth out of her, I dont think that I ever will. Now she said she would call me today and let me know if we can arrange something for X-mas so i can see my son. If she does not call me tonight then Its her own damn fault and Im done. I will burn her to the ground!
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 well she got online just a few minutes ago and we chatted for a bit. I know I said some things in here that I should not say to her but I honestly could not help it. Here is what we said to each other. leanne hart: are you there/ liftedcj7on44s: yea liftedcj7on44s: i am here leanne hart: ok liftedcj7on44s: thought you were leaving? leanne hart: no mom dad dj and william are gone liftedcj7on44s: o, where did they go? leanne hart: to the shop liftedcj7on44s: o ok leanne hart: can i ask you a question without you getting mad? liftedcj7on44s: yea leanne hart: are you sure? liftedcj7on44s: yea i guess leanne hart: what are you doing for yourself if you havent been with anyone else? liftedcj7on44s: what do you think liftedcj7on44s: why would that make me mad? liftedcj7on44s: can i ask you a question? leanne hart: if you have been with anyone else i wont get mad i just want you to tell me the truth leanne hart: have you been with anyone else? liftedcj7on44s: i am telling you the truth, i promise. Nobody else would want me anyway liftedcj7on44s: can i ask you a question?? leanne hart: why do you say that leanne hart: yea liftedcj7on44s: im ugly, I have no car no way to go anywhere. Why would anyone want me. I sit here and wonder why you even liked me and now I can see why you left me. leanne hart: you are not ugly liftedcj7on44s: I dont want to piss you off either but If you dont want anything to do with me anymore then why are you asking me if I have been with anyone else. I honestly dont care for anyone else, And when i mean you know what I have been doing you know what I am talking about liftedcj7on44s: you were my first love leanne. I hope you can understand that and the reason it is taking me longer to get over you. leanne hart: why did you have to treat me so bad i loved you so damn much leanne hart: i still do love you i will always love you liftedcj7on44s: leanne i never meant to treat you bad, i honestly didnt. When i mean you were my first love i mean that, I did not know how to treat a women. I do now and I am sorry and I mean that from the bottom of my Heart Leanne liftedcj7on44s: Its hard when you go through life knowing that what you did was wrong. I live with it everyday, imagine how much it hurts me to be in the situation, I know it hurts you. And for that I apologize. I know there is nothing I could ever do to make things better. leanne hart: i am sorry too liftedcj7on44s: Leanne I do still love you. And when I tell you there is no one else I promise there is no one else. leanne hart: ok liftedcj7on44s: I wished i could see your face right now leanne hart: dont you have a picture of me? liftedcj7on44s: yes i have pictures of you. Do you have any pictures of me that you look at? I doubt you do leanne hart: yes liftedcj7on44s: its been 4 months. leanne hart: i know liftedcj7on44s: not seeing your face for that long hurts. leanne hart: yea it does liftedcj7on44s: honestly I feel that deep down that you do miss me. I will be honest I do miss you. leanne hart: maybe liftedcj7on44s: but im not going to go there anymore. leanne hart: i do miss what we had leanne hart: you were my first true love too liftedcj7on44s: I do too Leanne. ANd I promise you. and I honestly mean this. I am sorry for being jealous. I just saw all my friends getting treated badly by women and it started to get to me. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Not saying this to try to get you back. You leaving me has taught me alot about myself. I know what I did was wrong and I will never let that happen ever again. No matter if I am with you or someone else liftedcj7on44s: But i dont think that I can love anyone else as much as I loved you. I know alot of times I did not show it, I am sorry I guess I got so used to being around you all the time i never stopped to think about how good you were to me leanne hart: its ok we all learn from our mistakes leanne hart: i am going to smoke talk to you later liftedcj7on44s: ok be careful and dont be a stranger leanne hart: ok you be careful too and you dont be a stranger either liftedcj7on44s: remember I am still here. you can tell me anything leanne. I stil care about you liftedcj7on44s: I always will. leanne hart: ok me too liftedcj7on44s: hey can i tell you something leanne hart: yea liftedcj7on44s: before you go liftedcj7on44s: without you taking it the wrong way leanne hart: yea go ahead liftedcj7on44s: nevermind. I wont say it. leanne hart: tell me liftedcj7on44s: go ahead and go smoke. I guess i will talk to you later ok leanne hart: no tell me liftedcj7on44s: tell william that i love him please leanne hart: please liftedcj7on44s: im afraid to say it because i dont know what it will do leanne hart: tell me now liftedcj7on44s: ok well dont get mad at me. leanne hart: we are friends you can tell me anything liftedcj7on44s: I cant tell you this if we are friends leanne hart: i wont get mad at you liftedcj7on44s: im not gonna say it. Like you said were just friends now. leanne hart: we have a son together just tell me leanne hart: i do still love you liftedcj7on44s: lol, ok leanne. I will say it then. but we are friends but here goes liftedcj7on44s: I LOVE YOU SWEETHEART liftedcj7on44s: there i said it. I will always love you. always have and always will leanne hart: I LOVE YOU TO leanne hart: i always will to liftedcj7on44s: now go smoke because i know your shaking and scared right now leanne hart: ok leanne hart: bye liftedcj7on44s: bye bye leanne hart has signed out. (12/26/2009 3:14 PM) Last message received on 12/26 at 3:14 PM
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 now lets get this straight. I never beat on her or my son. I never abused either one of them. I was just selfish and somewhat jealous. Like i stated in the first post of this thread 90% of all of this is my fault. I know what I did was wrong. The only thing I am guilty of is not realising what I had and being selfish.
nobmagnet Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 oh my. all I would like to say is you put it out there. Very brave. you have given her a very good oppertunity to come back. I am sorry you still blame yourself so much. She could have told you how she was feeling! You are no mindreader love! I question just how selfish you could have been??/ Did you go out all night and pay her no attention? Did you play around with outher women? Did you beet her? Did you not let her have access to money?? You didnt do any of those things freind. She walked away. She could have helped you do the things she felt were missing. hugs neet xx
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 You are correct nobmagnet. I never abused her, i never cheated on her or did any of those things that you mentioned. I think she may be regretting what she has done. But I also think there is a different motive here. I think the reason she is asking me if I have been with anyone else is i think that she thinks that If I tell her I have then she can finally tell me that she has been with someone else. Im not going to lie to her, If i end up getting with someone else I will tell her. Anyway there's nothing that I can do to bring her back, I do miss her alot but I cannot change the past.
nobmagnet Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 nope you cant. Its sucks. I cant wait for you to tell us you have spent quality time with your son!. For me that would be the greatest outcome of all xx
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 Yes it would, it would be awesome. I guess I just have to have patience. I think things will turn out for the better in the long run.
imagine Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 As to your marriage: did you not sign a register with a marriage officer?
nobmagnet Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 yes why would there be a question of wether you were married or not?? xxxxxxxxx
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 because we never turned the paperwork back into the courthouse after the pastor signed and we both signed the marriage certificate.
New_Life08 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Wow. First off the small problems snowballed bc of the way the two of you handled it. You do not make a spouse have financial consequences and refuse to help with your own child for having an untidy house. That is what you do to teach a child good behavior from bad. When you treat your partner this way there is no fence high enough to keep that person in. The untidy house was probably just a symptom to a much bigger problem. Mainly her parents!! As for your child, she and especially her parents have no legal right to keep you from seeing him. However, they do have a legal right for who comes onto their property. So, you need to get a lawyer who smacks down a court order to see your child. It amazes me how ppl hold children for ransom in a divorce. As much as I loathed my ex, I never ever would intentionally keep him from seeing his kids. They are his kids too for Pete's sake! I guess you have to remember she is young, her parents still intimidate her. She still hasn't found her self worth and she needs to do a lot of soul searching to overcome this. I wish you the best. It will not be a fun ride.
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 Ok I have a question. i am getting to the point that I no longer want to know what shes doing or who she may be seeing. Now here is the Kicker, I know her email address and password. I have always known it and she knows that I know it. I cant help but check them everyday. i want to stop doing this. Id rather not know honestly. She still has me as a contact on her messenger. So how do i break the habit of checking her email? How do I delete her from my messenger and get her to delete me from her messenger?????? I dont want to talk to her anymore unless its about my son, but on the other hand she makes no effort to contact me. So I want to remove myself from her contacts. I am tired of wondering all the time and if she wants to contact me then what do I do? Just delete her from my contacts and let her keep me in hers? I have done all the begging and pleading and apologizing that I can. If she wants anything to do with me then i am sure she will find a way to get ahold of me.
nobmagnet Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 im sure she will. keep strong my dear. xxx
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 I honestly feel pretty bad. i mean breaking off contact with her is also breaking off contact with my son. I dont call there anymore to talk to him, makes me feel useless and I am sure she thinks that as well. So what do I do. Do I call there to talk to him only?? It still doesnt help because i still will end up having to talk to her. If she cared about my relationship with me and my son wouldnt she call me every now and then and let me talk to him instead of making me call there all the time?????? I feel I am only making myself look bad by breaking contact.
imagine Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 because we never turned the paperwork back into the courthouse after the pastor signed and we both signed the marriage certificate. The register is a fixed book. How can this book disappear? Can you contact the pastor?
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 I have spoken to a lawyer online from one of the largest North Carolina divorce firms. She tells me that Our marriage is legal and valid. Honestly right now that is not my main concern right now.
Author liftedcj7on44s Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 (edited) Just posting this for records. She Im'd me 2 days ago. Her-"You need to stop checking my email and send your son some money" Ok I am glad she did that because she now changed her password. Thats what I wanted. Yesterday morning she Im'd me this- Her-Hey i didnt mean to be mean last night but my dad was standing over my shoulder watching me, I am trying to have a decent relationship with you because of our son. Can you please send money because he needs things" Ok to me she needs to GROW THE F UP. It is clear to me that she would rather ruin my life and my sons life then make her father or mother mad. Also How can you call our relationship a decent relationship when you dont let me see my son??? I mean Cmon Im not stupid. Child support comes out of my check every week, It is no longer in my control it is in the government hands now. So this is what I sent her, I sent her this in a IM, From my yahoo mail and my Live.com mail just to make sure she got it. Me-Stop trying to have a decent relationship with me because you are not, move on with your life. I am! The money comes out of my check every week. In order for the 2 of us to have a decent relationship with William then I think i deserve the right to see my son no matter what. I will send him money. But do not contact me anymore regarding our relationship. If you want to talk to me about anything then It better be about my son and when I can see him. If its not then please do not contact me anymore. I am sorry i am not trying to push you away further, i love you to death Leanne but you have pushed me far far away. Ok so this morning I get up to check my mail and she says this. Her-Good Morning. I guess you are at work, I will talk to you later then. Have a good day. I cant figure her out, I am to the point i dont even care about figuring her out. I think someone may be realizing they messed up And messed up really bad. Anyway I have been hanging out with all my old friends from high school. They all tell me that I am better without her. They told me that she changed me and that I need to get back to the old Sean I used to be. Well world, you want the old Sean???? Here I am. Edited December 30, 2009 by liftedcj7on44s
JaneDoe35 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Hey Sean, you are doing the right thing. It is difficult to go complete no contact when you have a child but you can go pretty close. Just continue to pay the government required amount of child support. When you get to see your son again you can buy some extra things like clothing etc. Or you can take him out and do something special with him. But I would not be giving her any extra money on top of your child support. Honestly I can hardly believe the message from her about her Dad looking over her shoulder. That is ridiculous!!! I would only contact her to say 'When am I going to be able to see my son?' and nothing else. If she contacts you - just ask the same thing. Good luck - JD
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