My life is ruined

[liftedcj7on44s]

Hello everyone, I am new here but like alot of people here I am going through a very hard time. I will try to make this story as short as possible, But it will still be a little long. Ok so here goes.

 

I met my wife through a friend of mine. She was 19 at the time. I was 25. We fell in love quickly. we dated for a year before we decided to have a child together. 2 years into the relationship we decided to get married. We both shared a special bond with each other. I felt that I had met the love of my life and she always told me the same thing. She said I was stuck with her and she would never leave me. She is very very family oriented. about 8 months into her pregnancy i lost my job and could not afford to pay the rent in our apartment. out of the blue her parents came and got her and told me i was to never speak to her again. well after about a month i was able to find another job and my own place and out of the blue she came back. About a year ago i decided to move to fayetteville, N.C. to get away from her family. She agreed and we moved here and I found a great paying job within a week. We moved into a nice apartment and this is when things started to fall apart.

 

Everything that happened after we moved was 90% my fault and 10% her's. Around the 6th month of staying in the apartment I was not happy. Our son was 2 years old. My wife stayed at home while I worked 10hrs a day. i would always come home to a dirty house and would have to get on her about cleaning. I used to clean myself but got tired of cleaning only for her to not clean up after herself while i was at work. I was not happy so I stopped helping her with our son. I mean I still did things with my son and everything. I stopped spending money on her and was spending it on myself. Throughout the whole year at the apartment she never worked. on a 2000/mth salary i was paying 1100 in just bills by myself.

 

Fast foward. On august 25th my wife picked me up from work and told me she was not happy and was moving out. I was devastated. I begged and begged for her to not leave. She told me she thought we moved too fast and didnt know each other well enough. She told me that if i can get my life straight then maybe we could work it out. she said a part of her wanted it to work out but a part of her didnt. well her parents came and got her at 2am aug25th.

2 days later she emailed me saying she still loved me and will always love me but could not live the way we were (I understood).

A week after she moved out she told me on the phone that her and her parents were coming to get her car. I told her i will only give you the car if you use it to bring my son to come and see me. She agreed.

 

A week later I decided to go see her and my son. I went to where she moved too(her parents house). I got a motel and we had a great weekend together, we still did all the usual and we had great sex like always but we were both very emotional. She kept saying that she wanted to work things out.

 

I was calling her every night to keep in contact with my son. Now on the phone she would tell me she didnt want to work things out and that it was over. She would always tell me the things I did wrong and how it hurt her.

 

The next weekend comes by and I again went to go see her and my son. The first week I went I was allowed to go to her parents house. This weekend her parents told me I was not allowed over. I went by and picked her and my son up. We had a great weekend and still made great love as usual but we were both still emotional. She told me that she had gotten seperation papers and her parents wanted me to sign them. She told me a part of her wanted me to sign them to get her parents off of her back but the other part didnt.

 

After the weekend was over and I came back I called mon to talk to my son. I asked her about us and she told me it was over and she hated me blah blah blah. I told her fine then just take off your ring and go find someone else. She hung up on me.

 

2 weeks go by. I went there again to see her and my son. We spent another great weekend together. Still made great love but still were arguing.

 

The following week I get back to work there is a letter to my boss from social services where she filed for child support.( I have been sending her $100.00 per week in USPS money orders every since she left). I called her enraged. She told me it was because I hurt her when i told her to take off her ring and find someone else and that her parents told her to do it because they thought i would be so mad at her i would stop sending money.

 

Ok the next weekend rolls by and I once again go there to see my son. We had another great weekend and we still made great love. but we still argued.

 

This was the last time that I saw her or my son. Over the past month she has become very bitchy with me over the phone. saying she basically hates me and she will no longer let me see my son. everytime I call to talk to my son i talk to him i ask her when I can see my son and its either "i dont know". "my parents are taking him here or there" or I dont know its complicated".

 

oct 8-18th her and her family went to the mountains. I did not send money while she was gone. She called me a day after she got back and asked why. i told her i did not want money sitting in the mail box that long. I sent her 200 the next day. I called her a few days after and asked to see my son and got nothing but excuses.

 

A little background on her parents. Her father was messing around with a 15 year old. I found out about it about a year into my relationship with my wife. my wife told her mom and this is where her father started to hate me. he was threatening to kick my you know what blah blahblah. Since she has left me her father has told her that if she comes back to me that they will take my son away from her. I have heard it come out of his mouth. They have told her when, where, and with who she can take the baby. Told her that I could not bring my son back with me to fayetteville for the weekend.

 

From what you can tell here when she agreed to use the car to bring my son to come and see me she has never done it. The car sits behind her parents house with 2 flats and no insurance.

 

It seems to me that around or about the time i found out she took out child support is when she started ignoring me basically. She stopped emailing me and stopped returning my emails. she became a total bitch.

 

I beleive she i honestly scared her father will take our son from her. she has told me this and she has told my friends this in front of my face.

 

I love the girl to death but I am to the point that I have stopped calling to talk to my son. I stopped sending her money because in a week or 2 it will start to come out of my check and she says since i stopped sending money i cant see my son. So now my son has to be bought for me to see him.

 

remember the seperation papers she had and wanted me to sign. she never showed them to me while i was there and now she says we dont need them. she says the car is hers since its in her name and i cant touch it(i bought it during our marriage and NC is a 50/50 state)

 

I have stress bumps all over me from this crap. it hurts me not being able to see my son. it hurt me even more to call him and be told i cant see him so I have for the past 2 weeks been under a no contact period.

 

I know I am at alot of fault here for things that have happened. I just dont understand how what I felt was my soul mate to do this to me. I am getting better myself but I dont know what to do. Do I save the 2 grand to get a lawyer for child custody/visitation or do i wait it out to see what happens. I am starting to get to the point i dont care about her anymore and only want to see my son. I think my wife has found someone else. I aak her she gets mad and hangs up on me. I ask her when i can see my son she says i dont know so i say why and she doesnt want to talk about it and hangs up on me. This is why i have stopped calling. She says she wants a divorce but I have seen her do nothing about it.

 

So a quick recap.

 

When i was with her and my son she loved me and wanted to work things out.

when she was at home with her parents she wanted a divorce and no longer wants to work it out.

 

What do I do people. I love the girl to death. She is my first what i thought to be true love.

 

I am 28 now and she is only 22. I know that she wont be able to go too long before she finds someone else. I think she may have already done it. Her parents would probably encourage her to do it. Her parents hate me from the father messing with the 15yr old deal. I am at a loss. I miss my son.

 

I am sorry this is so long.

[cyabye]

You lawyer up NOW! She has NO right (nor do her parents) to keep you away from your son. I would file for sole custody and divorce her. Have your lawyer do all the fighting for you and go NC with her. There is not much else at this point that you can do. I wish you the best.

 

cyabye

[liftedcj7on44s]

This is what I was afraid of. I never wanted it to get to this point. I still have strong feelings for her from which I dont know why now. I dont see how someone can do this to another person. It has driven me insane and to the point i no longer wanted to live.

[imagine]

Sorry Lifted, wandering spouses (WS) become alien when other parties are involved. Her arguing is a way to put legitimate distance between you.

 

Your lack of knowledge is working against you. It was an error of you to sign the separation agreement. Words mean nothing at this point. You needed a document or a witness.

 

Your approach to the event have been haphazard. You need a plan for these conditions-

 

Number one: how to support your family

Number two: how to avoid argument and maintain a 15 hour a week time with your wife

Number three: Complete exposure of her wayward activities (get proof)

[LucreziaBorgia]

I live in NC too, and let me tell you - you need to go see a lawyer ASAP. I would also consider the idea that she may be seeing someone else, and see if your lawyer would be interested in hiring a PI. NC is not forgiving of things like that, and there are ways of being compensated for your loss.

[RedDevil66]

Your life is not ruined, your life is just starting. Pain will make you strong, not kill you, so keep that in mind.

 

Now as for this whole situation. This girl sounds like an emotional basket case. She dumps you over and over and continues to sleep with you?! Sounds toxic!

 

Get full custody and get your son away from this pedophile that messes around with 15 yr old girls.

 

And trust me, you'll count your blessing soon for being away from this toxic mess

 

hug

[liftedcj7on44s]

Sorry Lifted, wandering spouses (WS) become alien when other parties are involved. Her arguing is a way to put legitimate distance between you.

 

Your lack of knowledge is working against you. It was an error of you to sign the separation agreement. Words mean nothing at this point. You needed a document or a witness.

 

Your approach to the event have been haphazard. You need a plan for these conditions-

 

Number one: how to support your family

Number two: how to avoid argument and maintain a 15 hour a week time with your wife

Number three: Complete exposure of her wayward activities (get proof)

 

Thats the thing. I never signed seperation papers. she kept saying that she had them, but she never showed them too me. Now she says she doesnt have them. I dont know what to do as far as getting proof if she is seeing someone else.

My biggest issue is I still have feelings for her and I dont know why. I wanted to try and save what we had so it wont ruin my sons life. Me myself I was adopted 2 times. I dont know my real parents and it hurts and I do not want my son to hurt the way that I do right now.

[LucreziaBorgia]

In NC, if you didn't sign a legal separation agreement then it is worthless. If you, she and your child are legal residents of NC, it will be a year and a day before she can file for divorce and that is a year and day to the day she moved out and started getting bills at a new address, and if she was with anyone before she left or even if she is with anyone during that year and a day period and you find out about it you can bring adultery into the divorce and sue her OM for criminal conversation. She cannot 'take your child away' without facing kidnapping charges, nor can she prevent you from seeing him.

 

Seriously, see a lawyer as soon as possible, find out if you, she and the child are legal residents of NC and tell him/her everything you have mentioned here. Have the lawyer hire a PI. If you are legal residents of NC, then that will definitely work better in your favor. NC does not take stuff like this lightly.

[liftedcj7on44s]

I know we are are legal residents of NC. In fact she and my son are still legal residents of cumberland county. I am really scared to hire a PI and find out the truth. I dont know what I would do. I have confronted her about it numerous times. She says there is no one else. I have made her mad and tried to get it out of her but she says there is no one else. I did talk to a lawyer about the issues but the lawyer I talked to was not very friendly. he wanted 2,000 and had to have it all up front. I am in a lot of pain and really scared to find out the truth.

[Midnight Rider]

Your father in law is a real vindictive SOB. This guy deserves all the bad luck and misfortune he can get. As far as your sitiuation goes, I'm really sorry to hear about it man. Get yourself a lawyer. You sound like a decent hard working man who doesn't deserve any of this madness. Your wife is the one who need to get her own life in order. She decided to leave as well, it's total BS that she just takes your son and walks.

[nobmagnet]

i dont understand the rules in America but here in the uk it happens and unfortunately all too often. I am going thro a very painful split too and I have 2 children with him. I would never ever use them to get back at him it trully is a hidious thing to do not just you but also your son.

 

Please please find another lawyer and never give up your child comes first, she is showing immaturity and is obviously living with a very influential parents. You have great prospects of gaining custody or at worst not allowing a peadafile anywhere near your son.

 

I feel for you I really do but fight!!!!!!!!!

 

x

[imagine]

Ok. If there is no separation agreement. This is called kidnapping. They are obliged to stay at your legal residence.

 

NOW PLEASE PAY ATTENTION. Do not inform her of your legal situation. Make sure that you can accommodate the kid and file. The car resides at your property too. Check it out maybe you can file for theft.

 

Never inform your enemy what you are going to do. Right now she is your enemy and you are a doormat to her.

[PWSX3]

I know we are are legal residents of NC. In fact she and my son are still legal residents of cumberland county. I am really scared to hire a PI and find out the truth. I dont know what I would do. I have confronted her about it numerous times. She says there is no one else. I have made her mad and tried to get it out of her but she says there is no one else. I did talk to a lawyer about the issues but the lawyer I talked to was not very friendly. he wanted 2,000 and had to have it all up front. I am in a lot of pain and really scared to find out the truth.

So what is worse, finding out the truth or waiting until she screws you over then find out?????

 

You don't have to hire the first lawyer you talk to, it make take talking to a few of them......

 

So if someone robs a bank do you think they would tell you they did it??? doh!!

I'm not saying there is another person, but the odds are pretty high that when a woman lives a relationship there is OM.........

 

Her wishy washy feelings are normal, she will want you one day & hate you the next. No matter how long you have been in a relationship & no matter which party does the leaving it is hard for both so they will doubt themselves.

It also sounds like she might have some personal issues & that won't help her wishy washiness...(don't know if those are real words or not. )

[liftedcj7on44s]

I called and spoke to my son tonight. No matter what goes down she always manages to answer the phone to let me speak to my son. But just about everytime I call to talk to him I ask to see my son and get the i dont know routine. I did not ask her for anything tonight. I spoke with my son for a brief time then I told her that I would talk to her later. I am trying my best to save to get myself a lawyer. My son does not deserve this. One day she will wake up and realize it but it will be too late. I still have feelings for her and still want to make things better but with each passing day i think about what she is doing to me it pisses me off even more and makes me hate her that much more. I had a P.I. email me today. Will be calling them tomorrow to arrange something hopefully.

 

What she is doing is wrong on so many levels. And the sad part is she may not know what she is doing. she is being coached by her parents I am sure.

 

Is there anything that she can do to try to prove me unfit? I mean I have not seen my son in over a a month now. I do try to go see him but it is always a fight with her.

[mark982]

you're paying child support,you have every legal right to see him. get the buck for a lawyer.

[SRV]

You need to mimize the contact and conversations with her, and limit them only to matters dealing with your son.

 

I would suggest that you start detaching from her, and the surest way of getting there is the aforementioned.

 

Hope you lawyer up soon. I see nothing worth salvaging in this marriage, unless you are ready to take a lifetime of abuse and an emotionally rollercoaster like you are currently enduring, considering that her parents are treating you like crap as well. It will be torture if you reconcile with her and be ready for more of the same for a lifetime.

 

Try and confer with your closest friends as you get yourself together to hire an attorney. Document everything in relation to your son-contact, monetary support etc. You will need it down the road.

 

Prepare for a long and bumpy ride, it will get worse before it gets better. At the end, you will be better for it, for both you and your son. She is gone, long gone, forget about her. Good luck to you!

[liftedcj7on44s]

I hope things do not get any worse than what they already have. I honestly dont know how to deal with this. How can someone that said that they would never leave you and that you were the love of there life and tell all of her friends that as well all of a sudden do this to me. The reason this hurts me so damn bad is because this is really my first big relationship with anyone. She is the only person that I ever had feelings about the way that I did. I felt like she was the one and for some reason I still feel that way. I need help I really do. I am so depressed right now. If I found out she was seeing someone else then I guess that would either drive me crazy or piss me off to the point that I burn her with everything I can get. I honestly beleive that her and her parents are doing everything in there power to try to take my son away from me. Hell for all I know they could be trying to get his last named changed from mine to her's. I honestly do not know what to do. What makes the situation worse is I am not the type to cheat. No matter how mad she made me, even if she cheated on me I would not do the same to her. I am a very honest person. Until I am divorced from this mess then I will be alone. I hate being alone. Sometimes I just wished that I had a gun to solve all my problems. But then I think about my son, And it makes me hurt even worse not being able to see him. I know they are telling him bad things about me. I know I could of helped my wife more with our son but I dont deserve this. I never did anything to deserve this, I love my son dearly and would do anything right now to be with him. If I had to make just one choice right now between the rest of my life with either my wife or my son I would choose my son. I love her to death but this honestly baffles me. I never abused my wife ever. I grabbed her by the wrist 1 single time in our 3 years together that is it. I have never hit her or anything abusive. She keeps telling me about all the problems that I have but when I tell her anything about what she was doing wrong she gets mad and hangs the phone up on me. She never wants to talk about me and her anymore. I am going to call the P.I. today. Do i need to see a psychiatrist or what?????

[nobmagnet]

hangin in there. Your in a massive transition and it is extreamly hard. Take a deep breath as from what you have just written I do belive you havent taken one in quite sometime!! You have rights andyou always will have rights.A good lawyer will help you understand where you stand. Knowledge is king here. Once you have a plan sorted and understand where you stand with regards your son you will feel much better. Try to have a walk and look at the world. It is going on out there regardless of yours or even my pain. Given time you will have an organised and settledlife with you son init.

 

hugsx

[liftedcj7on44s]

It scares me hearing all of these stories about moms taking the kid away, never letting the father see the kid and the judge agreeing to not let the father see the kid. I dont understand why a women would do such a thing. I still want to call her and try my best to work this out. I dont think she understands. I have the thought everyday running through my head that my son will soon if not already have someone else he calls daddy. Not being around my son everyday hurts really bad. This whole situation really hurts. I dont know of anything that I can say to her. Her mind seems to be pretty made up. I know from the investigating that I have done myself she is always checking out match.com and a bunch of other single parent websites. The day she told me that she did not give a #@$% who I was with I pretty much knew what the deal was. I think its kinda screwed up.

 

I hope whoever she find will put up with her BS. I dont see anyone being able to deal with her and her parents. Her parents say jump and she asks how high. Really messed up.

[nobmagnet]

get a lawyer to send a letter ASAP. Have you told your family how screwed up you are? you mentioned you were short of money so ask them to help you financially and emotionally. If I had the cash i would send you it myself

 

xx

[liftedcj7on44s]

send what kind of letter? I have spoke to them 1 time but I did not ask them to help me with money.

[nobmagnet]

get the lawyer tosend a letter to your ex stating you have visitation rights and if she fails to allow you them then she will be taken to court and stands a chance of losing custody.

 

ask you folks to help you with the money side of it. It is their grandchild and you are their son. I would sell my house to help my kids/grandkids (when and if i get grandkids!)

do it today xx

[phineas]

If it were me, i'd walk into the local police station & very calmly ask to speak to someone & explain the situation.

 

That they are keeping you from your son & if there is anything they can do to help you out.

 

Explain you are sending her money for him & she still won't let you see him.

And tell them how long it's been since you saw him.

 

This happened to a friend of mine here in NY.

The police went to her parents house & knocked on the door & basically told them to bring out his daughter so he can see her.

 

The officer did not want to get involved with custody or anything like that & did not let my friend take her anywhere but he at least got to see his daughter.

 

He also wound up getting full custody eventually.

[liftedcj7on44s]

Well I have been having a rough couple of days here lately. I got off work last night went home and as soon as I walked in the door i broke down in tear's. I am an emotional nut job right now. One day I am thinking about how everything will get better and then the next day i just think about how its only getting worse. Well this morning I sent her an email asking if I could see my son on X-mas. She did not reply. I know when she checks my messages. I called her up and asked her what her problem was. She said she was going to reply to it later. we talked for a bit and I ended up getting emotional with her. She told me that her parents told me that I could come there on x-mas to see my son. She is mad at me because I stopped sending her money, In which case I did because she already has CS orders out and it will start coming out of my paycheck soon. Does not matter my son is not a pawn money should not be the factor in deciding how and when I get to see my son.

 

We talked for a bit.

me- Is there anything we can ever do to make this situation better??

her- I dont know.

me- So can I see my son any earlier than x-mas??

her-maybe, I dont know.

her- Are you having me followed?

me-No, why

her-Everytime I go to leave someone pulls out of the nursing home and follows me.

me-I am not having anyone follow you, You told me you dont give a crap about me so why should I care what you do.

 

Anyway. I am not having her followed..........Yet. I am faxing the paperwork back to the P.I. today to get the ball rolling.

It is obvious that she no longer gives a crap about me. I still have feelings for her. I let her know that, I apologized for anything I ever did to push her away and she told me she forgave me but I know that is a lie.

 

She is obviously paranoid if she thinks someone is following her which pretty much confirms my reason to beleive that there is someone else. I am getting a really good deal on the P.I. If there is evidence of it I will then go to a lawyer and do everything I can do to get custody of my son. She tells me that my son is sick, I ask her why cant she call me and tell me these things. She expects me to have to call all the time to find out this stuff.

 

Anyway guys. Honest opinions here. I know NC is the way to go but I have to be able to talk to her concerning my son. BUT when I do talk to her concerning my son I am given the run around and it only hurts me worse.

[phineas]

When was the last time you saw your son?