slamina Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Sorry to disapoint people, but just a typical thread here. My ex-gf broke up with me almost 2 months ago, and now I think Ive reached the point where I understand that shes probably never going to come back. I've had good days and bad days...mostly bad days. Today is a bad day...its just my housemate and his gf round with me right now. They're both downstairs doing coupley stuff and I've spent the whole evening hidding in my room crying. I can't help it. I'm so envious of their happiness. There isnt even a question here...but I just miss her soo bad. She came onto MSN earlier and had to muster all the strength I had to not break 3 weeks NC. I wanted to give up so bad, but I know I'd regret it later. I just feel so drained and tearful right now and want it to end. Also...you now the song 'whatsername' by greenday...I feel just like that right now. I'm sooo freaking sad. Please help me x
Thebob Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Sorry to disapoint people, but just a typical thread here. My ex-gf broke up with me almost 2 months ago, and now I think Ive reached the point where I understand that shes probably never going to come back. I've had good days and bad days...mostly bad days. Today is a bad day...its just my housemate and his gf round with me right now. They're both downstairs doing coupley stuff and I've spent the whole evening hidding in my room crying. I can't help it. I'm so envious of their happiness. There isnt even a question here...but I just miss her soo bad. She came onto MSN earlier and had to muster all the strength I had to not break 3 weeks NC. I wanted to give up so bad, but I know I'd regret it later. I just feel so drained and tearful right now and want it to end. Also...you now the song 'whatsername' by greenday...I feel just like that right now. I'm sooo freaking sad. Please help me x I feel ya man, mine is online a lot as well and I always have the urge to message her but I don't. If you can withstand that then you'll only become stronger in your next relationship. Mine already has a boyfriend after 2 months after we broke up officially and I was heartbroken when it happened due to the fact that she told me specifically that she didn't want a boyfriend for over a year. Stay strong, and don't worry about your housemate with his girlfriend. You'll be fine, keep up the NC. Thebob
GrayClouds Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Sorry to disapoint people, but just a typical thread here. My ex-gf broke up with me almost 2 months ago, and now I think Ive reached the point where I understand that shes probably never going to come back. I've had good days and bad days...mostly bad days. Today is a bad day...its just my housemate and his gf round with me right now. They're both downstairs doing coupley stuff and I've spent the whole evening hidding in my room crying. I can't help it. I'm so envious of their happiness. There isnt even a question here...but I just miss her soo bad. She came onto MSN earlier and had to muster all the strength I had to not break 3 weeks NC. I wanted to give up so bad, but I know I'd regret it later. I just feel so drained and tearful right now and want it to end. Also...you now the song 'whatsername' by greenday...I feel just like that right now. I'm sooo freaking sad. Please help me x It is easy to tell how bad you are hurting but I is also easy to tell how strong you are. Even in the mist of hasve this really bad day you can remember that you have had some good day plus the fact you didn't break NC. You should be proud. Let the tears flow and then go for a long walk or run. It will help.
McGrupp Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 im right there with you. 2.5 months (almost 3) and only 15 days NC for me. i am realizing it is not coming back. very painful. the hope leaves and your left with nothing i guess
Author slamina Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 Hey, thanks guys for the encouragement...it means a lot. I dunno what's wrong with me; I havent cried for weeks and suddenly cant stop it right now. I really don't know whats going on. I'm even pretty tempted to poke around in the box of memorabillia of us two together, but thats only going to end up in tears...well...more tears. I won't do it. As for the MSN thing...my heart keeps on saying if i started a conversation...she might somehow say 'I've thought about it and we should talk...'. Clearly, I'm just deluding myself here because thats not gonna happen. That last bit of hope just wont move. Why won't it go??!?
mickleb Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 McG, please don't depress the OP! Alternatively, you deal with the pain (which you are doing, well done) minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day until, one day, you're a stronger person than you ever were. And this strength takes you wherever you want to be, somewhere you may not have even imagined yet. This is not Back To Oz but life. Heartbreak is an incredible burden to bear but surviving it can make you aware that you're capable of much more than you thought you were. The good times in between WILL get longer. You WILL get through this. Read other posts here and respond to some yourself. You will make it and we'll be here to celebrate when you do. Take care. x
mickleb Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 You know if she was worth it she would contact you and make SURE you knew she wanted to try again. You are still in love with her. That's ok. You don't just turn off your feelings for someone (not unless you're a touch psycopathic, anyway). As hard as it is now, you must try to focus on what will make you (without her) happy. Set yourself a tiny goal, just for you. Aim for it, work for it and achieve it. Tiny as it is, this will feel good. Set yourself another, and so on. You must TRY to focus on yourself now. Put reminders of her away (one day they will lose their power). Let the chemicals in your brain that are making you feel so bad, seep away (in time, this will happen). And live YOUR life (whatever that is for you - and you alone). Start now. Good luck. x
Author slamina Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 Thank you kind people for all the comforting words
mickleb Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 De nada. Just read your first thread, slamina. How did you do with trying to get to anger? x
Author slamina Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Hey mickleb. I did just fine with the anger. I get it whenever I think about the countless selfish and appalling things which she did during the relationship and after the break up to me. Her reason for breaking up with me was because she was 'scared of commitment and overwhelmed' :S. SO in the last couple of months we were together...she didnt talk to me about it...you know what her solution was? It was to just ignore me without telling me why, which left me baffled and hurt. THIS MAKES ME ANGRY. Also, on our would-be anniversary she went and saw a special film with 6 guys, some of which were my friends. THIS MAKES ME ANGRY. I brought her hundreds of pounds worth of stuff and she didnt even bat an eyelid in appreciation. THIS MAKES ME ANGRY. And most of all, it was her reluctance to work through the hard times. I mean, how can you let something this special just slip away?? But no, she didnt even have a go at trying to make it work. She just dumped me. THIS MAKES ME ****ING ANGRY. Countless things like that. Yet..I still have trouble letting go. I have a suspicion that shes starting to see someone else now. I dont want to check. ESPECIALLY AFTER SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WASNT LOOKING TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR QUITE SOME TIME!!!! WASNT THAT HER REASON FOR THE BREAKUP AFTERALL...I mean, why would she step out of a loving, perfrectly good relationship to go into another one???
Author slamina Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Also add this to the list: shortly after the break up, she had a house party...I thought it rude and immature not to go...so I went. Big mistake. She made a point of flirting as much with all the guys present (esp. the ones she'd never met before) and MADE SURE I she did it in front of my face and that I saw every moment of it. I was so upset.
lostmirthfulness Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Listen - DELETE her as a contact from MSN, from your phone and everything else you have. Do your best to get rid of crap from her. Our EX's have to be the ones to come back to us,.. holding onto hope only draws on the very long and crappy situation we have to live with. Its almost 2 months now for me. I guess its easier to some degree because my EX has done things that she never did with me. I think this is because she was honestly trying to be the person for me, that she saw that I wanted.
Thebob Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Man I am goin through the same situation right now, I just look at it like this. I just want to find a new F*ck buddy and move on, get this girl off your mind and move on. I feel once you completely let go of that person, then that persons life goes badly and they come back to you in a sense. Just be patient and tough it out. Go work out, meet new girls, get a good F*ck in there, and move on. It always helps, like for tonight I went to a party and got 2 Dimes numbers that Im sure I can roll over in to a F*ck buddy. They loved me and that was it. Have fun man, move on, I know it's painful but life is to short to dread over a girl. You got this, if you came to this site you already moving on. Thebob
MinTea Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Listen - DELETE her as a contact from MSN, from your phone and everything else you have. I agree with this... well at least some of it. You should block and delete her from your MSN and from anything else where you'd be able to see her and she not see you. Keeping her MSN, facebook, and whatnot is a non-confrontational way to check up on her without her knowing. I did this too, and I was the only one hurt by it. I'd set myself as "invisible" on AIM and facebook, and then sit around and wait to see him sign on when he was done with work. It was like I was spying on him from behind a bush.. and then what could I do? Just conveniently jump out of nowhere and say hi? No. I had to sit there and watch him from a distance and cried my eyes out because I knew there was nothing I could do to change his mind. So eventually, I got sick of doing this to myself and just blocked him. It was a relief to not be able to do that to myself any more. I still have his number, and have not blocked him from my e-mail. I don't hate my ex, so I'll leave these lines of communication open to him. I just thought it was unfair that I was able to check on him without him knowing. And I know that if I'd want to check on him ever again, I'd have to go through the embarrassment of having to ASK him what he's up to. For me, that sort of confrontation is incentive enough for me to not do it. It won't make all of your pain go away... but it will help to not have her be paraded across your screen all the time.
nobmagnet Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 yep I blocked and deleted my ex fom MSN because i cried everytime he went on it. However he still managed to get back on. I know he wanted to talk to me on it as he had not been on MSN for over a year.............. It rips your guts out. But deffo. get her off your computer if you can it will at least take some pain away by the way you are strong! you didnt contact her! well done keep it up x
Author slamina Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Thanks guyss for the input...TheBob, I know what you mean by as soon as you've completely let go, it's seems almost likely that her life is gonna tilt sometime because you're not paying so much attention anymore. But, I'm not pinning for it as long as I achieve my own happiness, though it would be a huge bonus for her to come back and have me reject her. What do you think about the angry thing mickleb?
Thebob Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 If she comes back, do it on your terms and not hers. You need to control the situation, and don't become emotionally involved from the get-go. You need to earn her trust. In the meantime go out, have fun, your single now. Don't bank on her coming back though. You need to come at one with yourself and move on. You got this man, as do I. Keep up the hard work. When I found out my ex has a new boyfriend after 1.5-2 months after our relationship it made me realize the type of person she is. I don't want to be with someone who does that, who will jump ship for anyone after a break up. She is going to break this guys heart, I just know it, then she'll come back to me in the summer time. So I decided once i found out to move on, meet new girls, have those random one nights and get all the emotions outta the system. You got this, and so Do I. Thebob
Author slamina Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 I know exactly what you mean...I never saw this side of her when we were together... I dont miss her...but I miss who I thought she was.
Thebob Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Exactly, and that is what I like to hear. Your awesome, she is not. When she actually matures ( Might not happen ) then she'll realize what she did and how immature it was of her to do the things she did. Like my ex having sex with 4 guys in 6 months and jumping ship a lot then breaking something great that me and her had going. There dumb, and there will be someone out there who is mature and will respect you for you and not only use you to make them feel better about themselves. Keep it up man. Thebob
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