Why am i so confused, i feel i need a kick, or a miricale!

[stupid_boy22]

what am i to do? i don't understand, i have been so happy in my life, even happier when i met her, and now, we have broken up for the 20th time, i am trying to force myself to make it the last time ever after 1 year of seeing each other. I think our constant arguments are stupid, my boredom around her cheeses me off, and yet when we are broken up i feel down, in the dumps, so unhappy? i want to be with her, i want us to be right for each other and happy, i want her to enjoy the things i like to do and i wish i could show more of an interest in her life and things she likes to do (never used to be that way, we used to have common interests). All my friends tell me i am just used to her company, but i don't think so. I think i really love her, all i want is to be with her and when i am not i am just so unhappy. but why i don't want to be with her anymore is really because i don't want to get back together to break up again, and because of things that have since happened between us (arguments/fights...etc...) i cant trust her anymore ever, and i know she cant trust me (for definite)! But all i really want is this stupidness to end, once and for all, and for us to be together and all this cr*p that has gone on the last 4 months to end, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME - MAKE ME FORGET HER AND MOVE ON, (even thought this is not what i want, but what i need to want)...PLEASE.

[Arabess]

First of all....you aren't 'stupid'. All relationships have their ups and downs......mistakes and regrets.

 

From what I'm reading in your post though....it seems to me you both want to be together....but can't make the commitment to work things out in any manner other than fighting and arguing. All that does is keep both of you upset and unhappy.

 

If you really care about each other....why don't you consider a 'time out'. Just go to your separate corners and think about what you want and if you are even right for each other in the first place. Your friends are right....a relationship CAN become a habit....and not all habits are healthy.

 

You both need to take some time to smile and laugh......and enjoy your lives a little without all the stress and aggravation.

 

Then, once you've had a chance to think it over and come to some agreements in the relationship....maybe you can try again.

 

Good Luck Sweetie!

Arabess

[stupid_boy22]

Thank you for your reply to my post. I was very deeply upset last night, well after going to bed at 4am, I'm awake now 4.30pm, and have wasted the whole day - unlike me.

 

I agree with what you say, we need time apart to have our own space, not necessarily to get back together though. The reason for this is because, when we first met, we had a great tI'me getting to know each other, then after three months she told me something about her childhood that really messed me up. I feel bad about saying what has happened to her here, but I think i need to tell someone - she was abused by her father and step father for 3 years. Thats all I will say, but when she told me this, i felt sick, disturbed, i even walked out of the room we were in to be alone. And while i was alone i was thinking to myself that this relationship will never work. I started having a row in my own head as to weather i should stay here tonight or go home and forget about her.

 

Stupidly i stayed there with her because i felt i could help her in her situation with life as it is currently for her. I feel that if i had just gone home and hit it all on the head there, you know had a nice 3 month fling with a lovely girl, and left Id be OK today, but the thing is I am attached to her. And her quest in life for a perfect man, is i feel a false I'mage she has in her head. This is why she would never trust a man ever, not even me. I feel sorry for her, I fell she will never find anyone who would want to care for her and look after her.

 

From all this i conclude that I need to break up with her even though i don't want to. I have been avoiding temptation to call her the last three days, and i have ignored her calls. But i have this feeling i want to call her tonight and ask her to come out with me, and once again spend all my earning this month on her in one night to try and get her back. I am hopeless, and i need to find another woman without childhood problems that affect her life.

 

I'm sorry i keep contradicting myself...

 

Thank you