Geekyguy Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Okay, I would like to preface this with some information about myself. I am 21 years old, and I am pretty attractive (though I think that is somewhat irrelevant at this point). For a year and a half I did nothing with my life, no job, didn't go to school, I basically became a piece of ****. I didn't want to be that way but I also looked at it like I had to time to change things. Plus I always had katie, which made me feel like everything was alright. Our relationship lasted for 3 years, there were on and off periods in that time frame but never not once did either of us consider seeing other people as we loved each other so much. She meant everything to me, and I took her for granted. I just always assumed I guess that she would be there. I never understood I guess that she could leave me. We also were never "official" either, which in retrospect probably helped get us to this place. We had been seeing each other less and less, I just thought it was because she was so busy. Well last sunday we got together and went for a drive to talk about some stuff. What she wanted to talk to me about was she wanted to define our relationship more concretely. Meaning she just wanted to be friends. Ok, I thought to myself she needs space. Well not 5 minutes after she told me this, she told me about this other guy. They weren't anything serious yet but that she wanted me to know. Well, I was crushed. I didn't know what to do. I should have seen this coming but it still caught me off guard. I cried a little in front of her (I know I ****ed up). But, I figured it was just something she would need to do. I am/was willing to wait for her to figure things out. Also I was prepared to work on myself, in the six day time period. I got myself registered for school, several job interviews and I started dieting and working out. Probably too little to late, but dammit I was going to try. I wasn't going to lose her. Over this one week time period we also have been talking to each other, still saying I love you to each other, when we leave each other we hug each other sometimes we kissed. Sometimes she would grab my hand, but only when I was talking about something emotional. I haven't been telling her how much I am changing, just what I am doing or have been doing. Keeping it straight fact. I also try to be fun with her, and generally positive. Two days ago we had another car trip, because thats what we do when we need to talk about serious stuff. She wanted to talk to me about this guy, "because we still just friends". Which I didn't want to hear tbh, but I also didn't want to just shut her up. Anyways this guy was just trying to have sex with her. They fooled around, which when she told me this, crushed me, I didn't let her see it though. She didn't go all the way with him, and because of that he stopped calling her. This crushed her. I tried to be as consoling as possible, without letting my feelings out, but I am an emotional guy and it didn't work as I had planned. I didn't cry or have any sort explosive outward showing of emotion, but I had to let her know how I felt about her. She said that she felt the same way about me. She said that she could see marrying me, but she felt that I didn't feel the same about her, to which I of course denied, because I actually considered asking her to marry me several time already, just I am not in any sort of place to be a husband. She said she also need time and space, typical break up response, to learn if she can be alone. This of course scared the **** out of me, because I know what that means. It means she wants to move on. This girl is perfect for me, I so very much want to be with her. But I know I cant force it, if she wants to be with me, then she will be with me. The next day I called her and told her that I thought she was right. That if she needed space that I was ok with that, I said that I also needed space, to work on and fix myself as well. I not only need to grow up and be a responsible adult but I need to understand where I went wrong in our relationship and how I shouldn't make those mistakes again. I know she is the right one for me. I just don't know how to proceed with our relationship. She says that she wants me to be a friend right now. I can be her friend, I don't need physical intimacy with her to love her. But I also don't want to waste my time not getting over her if this is leading to more heartbreak. I didn't talk to her at all yesterday, which was so difficult I have been filling my time with books and movies, just to keep me distracted. I don't want to move on from her, but I also don't want waste my time holding on to false hope only to have it dashed away. I want bigger better things for us. Oh also she is 20. So what do you guys think? Should I go with NC and just move on with my life, or do I continue with full or partial contact and try to be what she needs me to be. I also read and re-read caliguys guides on NC and Second Chances so I am familiar with those concepts. Thanks for any help.
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