Lindsaymck1986 Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 We were together alomost 5yrs I left my ex about 6 months ago, we have a 15month old son together. We broke up for many reasons and we wernt really spending any time as a couple which is mainly my fault as i was too protective of our son and i guess becuase he was my 1st baby i i felt he was too young to be left with anyone I have to see him every weekend and 1 day through the week at my house because of out son , so its impossible to have "no contact" He was off work for a week and wanted to do things as a "family" I want to get back together, but am unsure about how i should go about it, i've never been in this kinda situation before. I dont want to make an ultimate fool of myself as i have to see him 3x per week
Von Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 I think there's two different approaches you may want to try. Direct or indirect. To do indirect, just dress up nice or sexy with maybe a new hairdo or clothes, then just start flirting and teasing him. That works on most guys, as they're attraction stems from your physical appearance. Also if he doesn't respond to this you won't look like a fool, your just having fun. The direct approach is to ask to talk and have a heart to heart and tell him how you feel and see where that goes. But if there is rejection thus way hurts more, but you can then move on. There probably a few other ways too that other people may connect on.
nsw1222 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 We were together alomost 5yrs I left my ex about 6 months ago, we have a 15month old son together. We broke up for many reasons and we wernt really spending any time as a couple which is mainly my fault as i was too protective of our son and i guess becuase he was my 1st baby i i felt he was too young to be left with anyone I have to see him every weekend and 1 day through the week at my house because of out son , so its impossible to have "no contact" He was off work for a week and wanted to do things as a "family" I want to get back together, but am unsure about how i should go about it, i've never been in this kinda situation before. I dont want to make an ultimate fool of myself as i have to see him 3x per week Has anything changed? How old are you both? I'm interested to know more about your situation, as I am in a similar situation only on the opposite end. I want nothing more than to be with my ex again...for myself and for our daughter. I was the one who got broken up with...I was overprotective of our daughter and my ex and I didnt spend time together as a couple anymore. Now I see my ex almost every day due to our daughter. It's only been two months since the breakup and we lived together for over 3 years prior to the breakup. When you first broke up, did he beg/try to reason with you, and did that have the opposite effect and make you want to be with him less? Or was the breakup more mutual? Has your ex done LC (limited contact) with you...where he doesnt communicate with you about anything but your son...or has he essentially been a friend to/with you this whole time? I'm interested to know what made you want to change your mind? Was it all you thinking you made a mistake...or have his actions/words had some effect in changing your mind? Any information you could provide would be beneficial to me given our similar situations.
Author Lindsaymck1986 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Hiya, Nothing has changed as of yet prob because im too scared to ask him back the words dont seem to come out for some reason probably fear of rejection. Im thinking that maybe after my birhday is over (3 days time) im just going to ask him and face his answer, i guess the worst he can say is no as it will only get harder to ask the longer i leave it im 24 he is 39 ( i know big age gap) When we first broke up he did beg and he cried.....but ive seen those tears before and it just didnt work on me (after an argument before son was born), at the time my mind was made up and nothing would change that. I needed/wanted to clear my head some space etc There was limited contact for about 4months (rough estimate) after that would txt/email/phone about random things go places with our son together and he even came with me to my grandads funeral. We email/txt almost everyday What changed my mind ? i think we both have changed alot over the months gone by, i've grown up more and he wouldnt spend time with our son on his own not even to change a nappy lol now spends time with our son on his own (aka gives me a little bit of a break for a few hrs on a saturday and sunday) i think his alcohol intake has decreased which was another issue i cant be sure on that one though and will only have his word for it. I hope your situatuion changes for the better its harder when theres a child isnt it Im wishing you luck and hope you get back together with your ex and can be a little family again.
nsw1222 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 What changed my mind ? i think we both have changed alot over the months gone by, i've grown up more and he wouldnt spend time with our son on his own not even to change a nappy lol now spends time with our son on his own (aka gives me a little bit of a break for a few hrs on a saturday and sunday) i think his alcohol intake has decreased which was another issue i cant be sure on that one though and will only have his word for it. I hope your situatuion changes for the better its harder when theres a child isnt it Im wishing you luck and hope you get back together with your ex and can be a little family again. Thank you so much for the kind words and for responding to my questions. Your having second thoughts does spark some optimism in me...though each situation is still different and I dont want to be overly optimistic. With my ex and myself, she is 26 and I am 32. As I said our situations are similar but different, as she did the dumping, and I was the one who mainly took care of our daughter. My overprotectiveness is but one reason that she was pushed away. I am doing the Limited contact approach...though it's hard to stick strictly to child-oriented "business" in our conversations when I see her almost every day and all I can think about is how much I want to be with her again. It's very good that you are able to see changes in your ex that make you want to come back to him. For me, that is going to be one of the most difficult tasks to accomplish....getting her to SEE that I've changed...and believe that the changes are both sincere AND permanent. That I'm not just changing to get her back and I won't go back to the way I was before after we're back together. Since the breakup, she's been extremely suspicious of my actions and motives behind things. Shortly after she left, she even told me that she isnt sure she would want me back even if I did change. While I'm thinking that was a lot of hurt and anger talking, along with the fact that she said she didnt believe I could change anyway since I hadn't done so in the past, I'm still concerned that even though I will be a better person, she may not care. And yes...having children together adds a whole different set of rules and difficulties on both sides when it comes to the relationship.
Author Lindsaymck1986 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 Just to update: I ask to get back together and his answer was no. He seems to prefer our set up the way it is (weekend dad our son doesnt stay at his dads only goes for a few hrs) he said its ideal So now its time for me to truely move on, though my main focus is making sure my son is happy and to finish my law degree although it hurt and still does theres nothing i can do about it and have to foucs on other things in my life. When my son is older i can always say i tried
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