ecco51 Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 hey guys, im going to try to shorten this story as much as possible. my ex and i were together for about a year, we both left for college (LDR 6 hours away) and have demanding schedules. this school year is incredibly difficult for her, shes planning on applying to law school in the next year or so and is taking very challenging classes. her lawyer internship also advised her to take up extra curricular positions to have her application look good as well. now shes a dorm ra, and holds positions in council, is about to have a 30 hour class week next semester, and is trying to maintain a weekend job as well. about a month ago, we technically took a break. it was her choice with the excuse that shes ridiculously busy and needs to focus on school or all her hard work is going to go down the toilet. we had a few fallouts in our relationship due to the distance and schedules but we always seem to work it out and get over it. let me remind u this is a girl that seems like perfection to me, and shes said the same thing for my part. we were (maybe still are) crazy in love with eachother so everytime we had problems, it felt like a must to work things out. we talked and went on like normal, like nothing ever changed so i looked at this break as another one of those bumps int he relationship and everything would work itself out again but i gave her the time and space she wanted. the past few days shes had exams, so shes recently been studying and preparing for that and actually just had them yesterday and the day before. shes been extremely stressed and we havent talked too much the past 2-3 days, id only talk to her when shed contact me. Last night, she called me late after telling me shes been in the library almost all day and it almost seemed as if she was looking to pick a fight. she was very irritable and started to have a bickerment with me, i stayed calm and tried to keep everything under control, she started to say things i couldnt believe were coming out of her mouth, such cold things that it made my eyes tear up. she made it clear she wants to be single and she wants to handle her problems and deal with school alone and that i should stop trying to help her with her problems and act like a bf. she continued to say some more nasty things, i never wouldve thought she could ever be like this, she was the sweetest and most caring girl i ever met. i went to bed almost crying. today, i decided i would leave her alone til she contacted me, she did so earlier in the day to apologize about being so mean last night and that shes sorry and didnt mean everything she said but that she does want to be alone in this situation. i kept my composure and basically told her if this is what she wants then she can have it. we got off the phone calmly and i havent talked to her since. im deciding to go NC for as long as i can hold it. thank you for reading all this, sorry if its long. any advice is appreciable, am i doing the right thing
USMCHokie Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Speaking from experience, yes, you're doing the right thing...when they want to be alone, let them be alone... Good lord I hate law students (i used to be one...)...they're such overachieving pogues that don't know how to balance life with school/work...you're honestly better off letting her go...if/when she goes to law school, it'll be three more years of this crap...and then probably a career of this crap after that...from what you've written, she sounds like the personality that is all about her her her...way too much on her plate...you don't want to be around for that...seriously...and combined with the distance...yea...i'm sorry to say this, but this one is a pretty easy one...you're doing the right thing to go NC and let her do it on her own...find someone who has their life together that's ready to share that life with you... OR...there's someone else...
Author ecco51 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 thanks for your reply, its weird how this unfolded. we met summer of 2008 and she was THE most caring, sweetest girl in the world. she would push things aside to get together, call me or get ahold of me whenever humanly possible just to say hi or i miss you. she would stay home on nights she had free just to be on the phone with me. then this school year rolled around and she got ridiculously busy with school and getting closer and closer to law school. at first she was good at balancing, then her grades started to slightly slip and she started getting stresses and what not. she tells me im still the guy she in love with and the only one she wants to be with but she just cant be with anyone right now. this just really sucks man
HokeyPokey Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 You're doing the right thing. Even if I'm busy or stressed, talking with a loved one makes me feel better rather than agitated. And you should never insult or say cruel things to a partner or even a former partner (as she chose to do). A good relationship, be it friendship or romantic, requires constructive communication not immaturity. If she calls again, try to ignore it or just keep up the broken record response.
USMCHokie Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 (edited) she tells me im still the guy she in love with and the only one she wants to be with but she just cant be with anyone right now. This might be true, but it's actions, not words, that matter...like Hokey said, if she truly loved you, she'd appreciate your presence and support...no one is supposed to go through this world alone...we all need to lean on someone at some point...unless you're a soulless law student...then you almost feel like there's no other way except on your own because you think you're so awesome... But seriously though, some people need that sense of accomplish from tackling life on their own...I sensed that with my ex...and it may be the same with yours... this just really sucks man Quoted for truth...I was in a similar situation about 4+ months ago...ex was "under a lot of stress" because she was having a tough time finding a job...I had to let her go (not without a lot of stupid pleading and groveling on my part...)...maybe she'll come back one day when she gets her life together...maybe not...but life goes on...as shall yours... Edited November 21, 2009 by USMCHokie
Author ecco51 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 yeah, i dont exactly know. if this clarifies anything at all, since the day i met her, shes been the most stubborn person ive ever met, always wanted to prove to everyone that she could do anything, never admitted she was wrong, bla bla. i use to think it was cute and funny and now it seems like its the source of our dilema. shes not souless, but shes the kind of person that would take bullets to get to where she wants if you know what i mean. i use to love that about her, it was sexy seeing her strive for such goals lol.
USMCHokie Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 yeah, i dont exactly know. if this clarifies anything at all, since the day i met her, shes been the most stubborn person ive ever met, always wanted to prove to everyone that she could do anything, never admitted she was wrong, bla bla. i use to think it was cute and funny and now it seems like its the source of our dilema. shes not souless, but shes the kind of person that would take bullets to get to where she wants if you know what i mean. i use to love that about her, it was sexy seeing her strive for such goals lol. The soulless thing was just a joke...well, not really...law students are truly crazy people...but I'm done beating that dead horse... My ex is very much the same way...very independent and stubborn...or a nice way of saying a bitch...but I loved that about her...and it's definitely an acquired taste that you kind of have to "work with"...heh...but you're right, they have enough character to know and value the important things in life and to prioritize those things so they can succeed as individuals...because they have to be happy and successful on their own before they can share their life with someone else... And I'm realizing that my words probably aren't helping much for you in trying to cope with your loss...but the point is you need to do the same thing with your life...set priorities for yourself so that you can become happy and successful on your own...it will make you much more attractive to women and lead to a much more fulfilling relationship down the road...
Author ecco51 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 youre words are helping alot, thank you. it sounds exactly like my situation...very stubborn, independant..and after awhile that trait became very attractive to you..til it turned around and bit you in the ass lol. im gonna definately do my best in bettering myself and do my best to give her the space she wants
USMCHokie Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 and after awhile that trait became very attractive to you..til it turned around and bit you in the ass... Actually, quite the opposite...I am extremely grateful that we broke up...we were both drowning in the relationship and I wasn't even realizing it...we spent all our time together and lost any semblance of ourselves...and I'm glad she saw it when she did...in addition to her having trouble finding work...she started pushing away and then played the 'I need a break' card...if we were still together, I wouldn't be anywhere close to knowing what I know now about myself and relationships... That being said, I still love her with all my heart...but we haven't spoken in over 2 months...so I'm in the dark when it comes to her...I've accepted that I might never see her again, but life goes on...never know what the future holds...
Author ecco51 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 i didnt really have anything to do tonight and i feel really down. im seeing commercials come on that we use to make fun of and laugh over, and it feels like one of those nights wed open the windows in the room so it would get freezing and we'd hold eachother to warm up and stay up all night talking and watching movies/tv.... sucks so bad...
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