wendy70938 Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Hi This is my very first post so I will get straight to the point. I have been married for almost four years now, and I don't know what my problem is. I cannot stop thinking about this man I was with almost 10 years ago. I know that it will never happen again, and I truly am happy with my husband. I would never cheat on him or act upon any of this. So why am I finding myself dreaming both day and night about this other person? Ten years ago, we went our seperate ways because our lives were way too different. It was a short relationship but I cannot forget about it. I find myself daydreaming about running into him again, and have even found his facebook to read what he has been up to. I feel so guilty. I am not a teenager, nor should I be acting this way. I have not told anyone of this, however I would love some honest, anonymous input. Thank you and have a great night.
Theos Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 I think I have the same experience like you, but I am a man. I feel like you are for almost 12 year. I am married 10 year ago and in the few year after I am married was very hard to forget her, eventhough today I am still thinking about her but in the small portion. I think all your experience are normal, and you can take extra effort pray to God and give His guide to make you more loving with your husband, make him happy and accept his condition anything the good and the bad thing. And enjoy what the God bring joyful to you, your husband, and your kids. Today is a Present !
Blindsidedagainalive Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Realize that this is strictly my opinion, not fact. I think you are romanticizing an old feeling, not a person. This was a former life, one with less trappings and greater freedom. You now are in the daily grind, without a lot of adventure, etc. You are longing for the FEELING, and you recall the last time you had it. You happened to be with this other man at this time in your life. I too pined for a long lost love. I thought about her for years after our breakup...which was 24 years ago. Recently, my partner had a long term affair. The affair caused me to look at a lot of things in my past. The woman I formerly pined, I never lived with. We had a weekend relationship. It was dinners, dancing, concerts, and great sex. We seldom fought, because there was nothing to disagree over. We never shared a house, checking account, bills. We never had to sacrifice for one another. I never HAD a real life with this old girlfriend...it was a fantasy life. She live in NYC, so I was removing myself from my humdrum life to see her on the weekends. Now looking back on it....I can say with certainty...I really was not in love with her as a person. It was the whole experience that I loved. All of the time with her was fun stuff. I don't even know if she would have been a reasonable partner in life. If you take an honest appraisal of your former relationship. Think if this applies to you. Was it a relationship of fun stuff, without the responsibilities? If so, you are missing the fun......the fantasy......not the man. Relationships are very difficult. I suggest reading "the five love languages" for starters. Also, learn to be grateful for what you have in life. It may be a bit of depression, and you are dreaming of 'feel good' things to pull you out. I would bet my house that if you stayed with the former man, and not with your husband......you would probably be feeling WORSE.
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