User320 Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 day 5 , for those who have read my posts you know i recently broke up with my Gf of a year.... today has just sucked, ive gotten 8 hours of sleep over 5 days...i seem to be eating ok , but nothing good, it feels like im dieing...i dunno how you guys/gals do it, im only 5 days in to this and im a wreck...i used to be a big time drug user about 4 years ago, but i haven't relapsed, which im proud of myself for... but it doesn't even seem to matter...i would do anything to be with her now, and hold her in my arms...But i know it would be pointless. im so empty, especially knowing the fact that if i had her back it would all turn to sh*t anyway....i went out and got a haircut to try and make myself feel a little better...it worked a little...but i cant go getting a haircut every 20 minuets lol. I dunno im just venting i feel like total crap
USMCHokie Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 i used to be a big time drug user about 4 years ago, but i haven't relapsed, which im proud of myself for... Good. Keep this up. Don't ever go there again. Now, we've all been through this absolutely crappy time you're going through...and you've got a forum full of people that are here to support you...I've found that talking it out with people and letting your emotions out helps a lot...talk to friends, family, anyone who will listen...anyone EXCEPT the ex... Just don't make poor decisions in your sadness...it'll get better, I assure you...
espinasdulces Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 I completely understand. It almost been a month and we were together for a year. I feel like **** everyday. I just lay in my bed and feel numbness. I was the dumpee and I understand that perhaps it was for the best. My friends are my saviors and this site has helped me by just reading and knowing that we are in a community of supportive people. It will get better. We both need to remind ourselves that
GrayClouds Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 day 5 , for those who have read my posts you know i recently broke up with my Gf of a year.... today has just sucked, ive gotten 8 hours of sleep over 5 days...i seem to be eating ok , but nothing good, it feels like im dieing...i dunno how you guys/gals do it, im only 5 days in to this and im a wreck...i used to be a big time drug user about 4 years ago, but i haven't relapsed, which im proud of myself for... but it doesn't even seem to matter...i would do anything to be with her now, and hold her in my arms...But i know it would be pointless. im so empty, especially knowing the fact that if i had her back it would all turn to sh*t anyway....i went out and got a haircut to try and make myself feel a little better...it worked a little...but i cant go getting a haircut every 20 minuets lol. I dunno im just venting i feel like total crap Our doing great, it may not feel like it but you are. Your doing the right things, finding small things that hleps a little. Keep trying those things, exercising, friends, a class, guitar lessons, soon those things that helps a little will help a lot. Keep it up.
melja Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 You seem very pessimistic saying it would turn to sh-t if you got back with your ex. Sounds like you need some cognitive therapy or attitude adjustment. You have a person that you love and an opportunity to get back together and build the relationship you want working together to make it perfect for both of you. For example I hate arguing, I dumped an ex who liked to argue every day and my current guy never argues with me as we both hate it (great improvement). You are allowed to create the ideal relationship, as a team. All you have to do is sit down and discuss what works for each of you and what makes you feel bad. If you are both able to cut out the bad stuff and concentrate on the good stuff, of course it will work. also focus on it daily, don't let bad stuff build. You have an advantage having someone you love who you have been with for a year already. Just try something completely different and watch it on a daily basis. When you discus things be kind to each other, don't act as enemies, you are on the same team.
HokeyPokey Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Try to work on some long-term and time intensive goals to relax your mind. Depends on you, but for me building things or learning some new computer skills works well. It takes all of your focus for a few hours and while the pain may still be there once you're done, a short respite can be healing. Also, as long as you don't get too carried away, work more. I've thrown myself into my work, and while I still may get sad, at least I've paid off some debt and have some money saved.
Author User320 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 (edited) well im sorry to say id have no luck fixing the relationship she moved to Oklahoma... she used me for the entire relationship , i paid her bills, fed and clothed her child...i got used the entire time, then i was told i didnt love her..she cheated on me twice...so as much as id love to be with her , it just cant happen, she used me all up , and then blamed me , i was physically abused, i refused to hit her back...i was arrested twice because she would hit herself ( mostly head against wall) and then call the cops... While i was at work....i tired to leave all that stuff out of my posts...Yes i broke up with her...i got told to F*** myself and got the engagement ring i bought dropped down a manhole in front of me ... she doesnt want me... i want her so bad because she is the only connection ive made in 4 years... it was the first time i tried to be the nice guy, i got walked on and beat down.... So if anyone thinks that i can mend this...im sorry i cannot...i will not... But i still long for her touch, no i am not over her...but all the mental and physical anguish is just not worth being with her... i have only "known" her in 4 years... my life turned to shambles because i stayed when i should have left... But if i need my head fixed because im passing up something that can be fixed then i must be ret**ded... Edited November 21, 2009 by User320
Author User320 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 im sorry to have sounded ignorant, but it really just burns me when people say it can all be made better..... sometimes it just cant... trust me i want it all better... but i cannot forgive the un-forgivable things that happen in a relationship ... using the word lose does not give someone a free pass to cheat on you, use you.. and lie... i cannot fix what is broken from the start... grr just frustrated now
HeavenOrHell Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 You're right, sometimes it can't all be made better with that person, she clearly didn't treat you well so you couldn't go back. im sorry to have sounded ignorant, but it really just burns me when people say it can all be made better..... sometimes it just cant... trust me i want it all better... but i cannot forgive the un-forgivable things that happen in a relationship ... using the word lose does not give someone a free pass to cheat on you, use you.. and lie... i cannot fix what is broken from the start... grr just frustrated now
Author User320 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 thank you heaven for validating my thoughts, im glad to know im not the only one who thinks this way
GrayClouds Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 (edited) You seem very pessimistic saying it would turn to sh-t if you got back with your ex. Sounds like you need some cognitive therapy or attitude adjustment. You have a person that you love and an opportunity to get back together and build the relationship you want working together to make it perfect for both of you. For example I hate arguing, I dumped an ex who liked to argue every day and my current guy never argues with me as we both hate it (great improvement). You are allowed to create the ideal relationship, as a team. All you have to do is sit down and discuss what works for each of you and what makes you feel bad. If you are both able to cut out the bad stuff and concentrate on the good stuff, of course it will work. also focus on it daily, don't let bad stuff build. You have an advantage having someone you love who you have been with for a year already. Just try something completely different and watch it on a daily basis. When you discus things be kind to each other, don't act as enemies, you are on the same team. I would say it is realistic, most who get back together do not last. Break-up happen for reasons and usually those reasons come back. I agree that people can, and should, work through there problems, but when someone walks away, there is no longer a relationship. One hand can not clap. I don't think it is possible to get the spark back for a 3 year relationship once it has gone, based on mine. I gave the relationships a good try and after 3 years knew I didn't want to spend my life with those guys. So where you pessimistic in need for cognitive therapy because you could not make your relationship work? Edited November 21, 2009 by GrayClouds
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