clingymon Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 hi all.... my g/f of 4 1/2 yrs told me bout 2 weeks ago she wanted 2 take a break for maybe 6 months...her and i got together while she was going thru a divorce...( bout 6 months into a yr. long divorce)...things were great 4 the first 2 yrs or so...but since she has been running herself ragged...she has gained 40 lbs and is miserable bout her weight...she holds alot of guilt towards her kids (she thinks she ruined their lives due 2 the divorce) she has 2 young boys (6-7) who have started soccer...karate...tiger/cub scouts in the last yr and a half or so...she goes 2 all their events...and cannot take me cause her divorce agreement...she works a full time job (1 hr commute 1 way) and when she has her kids she has 2 drop them off @ exs sisters house so she can get them off 2 school..(her and ex each get kids 4 half the week)..so that adds bout a xtra half hr 2 her driving time...we maintain seperate households...also due 2 her divorce agreement...(shes been divorced twice...divorce agree says we cannot live 2gether unless we r married.... and shes not sure if she ever want 2 be married again)...she is always busy shopping...cleaning...doing laundry ect...she has had less and less time 4 me...and for herself...even tho we spent time w each other whenever we could...i have been getting less and less time 2 spend with her......my question is...does this kinda break mean she want it 2 be over??? she says she loves me with all her heart and does not want 2 hurt me...but she feels she has 2 do this to get her head straight...says she is physcially and mentaly exausted and just dont have the time 2 dedicate 2 our relationship rite now...we tried a break before but she called me everyday... and after a week she initiated a meeting... and we just fell back into our old routine... but this time she says she wants nc because she dont want any outside influence while she is gettin herself 2gether...told me she will contact me when she gets her head straight...she dont know how long it will be...but she is seeing a therapist....says she loves me and dont want 2 hurt me/lose me... but she NEEDS 2 do this!!! and she dont want me 2 put my life on hold cause that wouldnt be fair 2 me....we have had a very good relationship...even thru the rougher times...we rarely fight and we get those resolved quickly...always been tons of love and togetherness there....but seems different this time... do u think there could b some1 else???? do u think she truly needs the time 2 sort out her issues??? or is she just trying 2 end it and hope i will just go away??? a womans opinion would be great!!!!
adamt Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 she sounds a bit messed up. I would just treat it as a permanent break up and move on and dont look back. you cant put yourlife on hold for someone indefinately. she may never come back. find someone better who will have time for you. her kids are her priority. you wil always be 2nd fiddle. do you know why her marriage didnt work out. was it a similar pattern?
Author clingymon Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 her ex hubby n her worked seperate shifts and would meet halfway between work and home 2 xchange the kids....so they hardly ever spent time 2gether...grew apart...she says she was never truly in love with him and just settled cause he treated her rite and she was ready 2 have kids...her ex was hittin on her for yrs thru her first engagement and marraige... but she said she was never really attracted 2 him...when her 1st marraige broke down (1st hubby was closet coke addict and attacked her 1 nite when he came home stoned...says she had no clue) her most recent ex was rite there forcing himself into her life...she resisted him for like a yr...but ended up settling...i think alot has 2 do with her jumping into a thing with me rite away...never had time 2 be by herself and sort out her feelings and bring closure from her divorce...hard 2 understand this i know...that is why i am soooo confused...i wanna just run for my life...but i still love the hell outta her...best 4 me 2 just cut my losses i guess!!!
adamt Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 has she been married more than once already? It sounds like you are best out of it and moving on. She sounds the sort who will never be in a relationship for the long term. difficult when she wont make the time in her relationships
USMCHokie Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 I'm a believer that you never know what the future will hold...a break may mean a permanent break or it may be temporary...but that being said, you also can't live your present life with any specific hopes or expectations of the future...so do whatever you feel will make your life the best right now...if running for your life would get you out of a bad situation, then do it and move on...in the end, the most important person in your life should be you...do what will make you happy...
Author clingymon Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 the strange thing is we really have had a pretty healthy relationship...thats what makes it very hard for me 2 just give up...we have been best friends for the whole duration...and truly enjoyed each others company....we have had a few ups and downs like any relationship does...but a deep love for 1 another has always been there and i am certain still exists...i guess only time will tell what happens!!! you are right in the fact that i need 2 focus on ME!!! whatever happens i will be more in touch with my feelings and not have 2 depend on some1 for my happiness...just missin her alot and trying 2 go thru the healing process...sure is a heavy cross 2 bear!!! thanks 4 the advice and god bless u all!!!
adamt Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 (edited) you can't really think too much of what it was like in the past. My ex wantes to buy a house together then a couple of months later she split up with me. its what is now an their actions that matter. unfortunately you will never get answers to your questions. over time you jsut learn to accept you have to just let it go. Edited November 21, 2009 by adamt
Eisenhower Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 If you find my thread "Man, I'm hurting ..." you'll read about my experience dating a girl who was recently divorced and has two kids that same age. It was great for about a year - she put me way up on a pedestal - then eventually the baggage/guilt/fear train caught up with her and she wanted out because she "couldn't be in a relationship." She also tried to keep me on a string by not saying she didnt ever want to be with me, but not saying she did either - just wanted me in her pocket just in case. Very similar story to yours. I think we date the recently divorced at great peril ... Eisenhower
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