artchick88 Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Its been 4 months since I last saw the love of my life. We never were committed and lets face it, 4 months is a long time, so i feel like I shouldn't still think about him all the time. But I can't feel even remotely attracted to anyone else, I think about him all day long and compare EVERYONE I meet to him and they fall tragically short in just about every aspect. Help me. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO JUST MOVE ON WITH IT!?? And how often do people meet people who are "perfect" to them? First one in my life, wondering how often other people experience this type of attraction.
mickleb Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 How about thinking, 'well he WAS (as in not any more) lovely but he DID completely abandon me and THAT was very painful. Maybe THIS guy won't hurt me that badly. That in itself, might, one day, be better than me keeping someone who has HURT me on a pedestal, and never viewing the situation in a rational way..'? Someone who is 'perfect' for you, sweetheart, doesn't leave you alone. x
Author artchick88 Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 its a bit more than him just leaving me. the ending of whatever the fling was was entirely circumstantial. not a typical up and leave type guy. thank you though.
mickleb Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 He spent time with you but did not date you, he had sex with you. He moved back home, and began seeing someone else. The writing is on the wall. I'm not saying he slept with you soley because you were young, I have no idea if that played a factor or not. He slept with you because he could though and he never had any real deep feelings for you beyond the sexual and someone to pass time with side; hence him seeing someone else as soon as he moved back vs. trying to make a comittment to you. Oh and P.S, This guy isn't exactly what you're looking for, unless you are looking for a man who is fun to spend time with, but just has casual sex with you while you're close and it's convinient and then drops you like a hot cake and on to the next thing. I would hope the guy who is exactly what you're looking for is into YOU and is in love with YOU. Not a typical 'up and leave guy' because, my dear, he was never there in the first place. Your question should read something like: 'Why did I choose someone, knowing there were massive hurdles to our happiness, such as me being 21 and him being 31, who I met at a summer camp and who was happy just to sleep with me then mess off, to fall in love with? Where is my sense of self-esteem if this is the kind of guy I consider to be perfect for me? Why do I not think I am worth about 1,000 more?' Do not look to unobtainable men for commitment, sweetness. And have higher expectations for yourself or you will always be unhappy. x
HeavenOrHell Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Hi hun, I know how this feels, 4 months for me too, after 18 years together, we were committed. I don't think 4 months is long, at least that's what people keep saying to me. But it has got to the point where I feel stuck and am having to make myself try and turn the negative thoughts around and try to stop going over and over it all again and again. I was doing better then it all came crashing in again last week for some reason, yesterday after a good talking to from a friend I realised I HAD to stop torturing myself and keep busy and build my life up again. I haven't seen him for a month, we were meeting weekly since the break up until I said I need some space. No way will I be attracted to anyone else for a very long time, I worry I never will be. I feel like no-one will come close to what we had, everyone falls short, he was the love of my life. I did have one other special love but we weren't together long cos of his childhood abuse, 4 other serious relationships-but not true loves. So for me I've met 2 special partners, I'm 43, but then one was for 18 years. I tend to think some people never find someone they really connect with, and others will not meet another special person after losing the love of their life. On the other hand some people may meet a succession of special partners, but I don't think that will be true for me as I'm too unconventional and fussy How long were you together? Have you got much support/friends etc? Its been 4 months since I last saw the love of my life. We never were committed and lets face it, 4 months is a long time, so i feel like I shouldn't still think about him all the time. But I can't feel even remotely attracted to anyone else, I think about him all day long and compare EVERYONE I meet to him and they fall tragically short in just about every aspect. Help me. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO JUST MOVE ON WITH IT!?? And how often do people meet people who are "perfect" to them? First one in my life, wondering how often other people experience this type of attraction.
soheartbroken Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I will welcome myself into the club! 4.5 months, don't think I'll meet anyone as great, no one compares, not attracted to anyone, think about her 24/7, etc, etc. I feel this is more common to women on this forum. Anyway, 4 months is NOT a long time. I know some people will make you feel that it is (friends, family, etc.). Everyone goes at their own pace. Every situation is different. Try not to judge yourself. There is no magic formula.
Author artchick88 Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Not a typical 'up and leave guy' because, my dear, he was never there in the first place. Your question should read something like: 'Why did I choose someone, knowing there were massive hurdles to our happiness, such as me being 21 and him being 31, who I met at a summer camp and who was happy just to sleep with me then mess off, to fall in love with? Where is my sense of self-esteem if this is the kind of guy I consider to be perfect for me? Why do I not think I am worth about 1,000 more?' Do not look to unobtainable men for commitment, sweetness. And have higher expectations for yourself or you will always be unhappy. x get a life
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 get a life Hi artchick88, I just read some of your prior threads (brief skim) - enough to see the gist of what took place. I have a question for you - Sitting at your computer right now as you read this - are you happy with what he is giving you emotionally, spiritually, and physically? If you are unfulfilled in any or all of those areas RIGHT THIS MINUTE, then quite simply - he isn't good enough for you. And that is what Mickleb is trying to say. He's a guy though and so he gave you the "guy" version of the advice. I'm a woman and I've walked a mile in your shoes. We build sandcastle fantasies in the sky because at the end of the day - we are dreamers. Once upon a time, this man would make you a great husband. I'm sure he has lots of potential. Bottom line - today (the present) he isn't meeting your needs. So time to be a woman, and kick him to the curb - in your heart. Girls wait for men to call. Women pick the man and wait for him to agree, and if he doesn't you pick another one. But stop giving men control of your life and happiness.
Author artchick88 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 Hi artchick88, I just read some of your prior threads (brief skim) - enough to see the gist of what took place. I have a question for you - Sitting at your computer right now as you read this - are you happy with what he is giving you emotionally, spiritually, and physically? If you are unfulfilled in any or all of those areas RIGHT THIS MINUTE, then quite simply - he isn't good enough for you. And that is what Mickleb is trying to say. He's a guy though and so he gave you the "guy" version of the advice. I'm a woman and I've walked a mile in your shoes. We build sandcastle fantasies in the sky because at the end of the day - we are dreamers. Once upon a time, this man would make you a great husband. I'm sure he has lots of potential. Bottom line - today (the present) he isn't meeting your needs. So time to be a woman, and kick him to the curb - in your heart. Girls wait for men to call. Women pick the man and wait for him to agree, and if he doesn't you pick another one. But stop giving men control of your life and happiness. thank you well put! good news is im starting to get over it. thanks for being kind.
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