falcon Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Okay, here's the deal. I knew this guy for several months and we started a relationship. I am 32 and he is 24. We never considered each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm still not quite sure what happened, but he decided that he didn't want to be in a close relationship, "Things just aren't clicking between us...". This, despite the fact that he previously stated things clicked between us the first time we met. I have a feeling that his best friend wasn't too happy with his buddy dating me and knew how to push the guy's buttons. Even though I liked the guy a lot, this was fine with me. Nor would I want to continue in a relationship with a person who didn't want to be with me. Now the kicker... 2 days after he told me that he, "just can't do this anymore", I found out that I'm pregnant!! Great! Now what? Do I tell him, since I obviously didn't have sex with myself to get pregnant? Or not tell him? I'm still unsure of what I'm going to do as far as keeping a baby or not. I wouldn't want any $$ from him, I have a good enough job. I don't want responses from any pro-life people either, I'll make my own mind up on that subject, thank you. Nor, do I want responses on safe sex since only he and I know what happened in the bedroom. Also, my biological clock isn't ticking because I have 2 children already from a prior marriage. The kids are also very small still and I really wasn't planning on another pregnancy. My dilemma is whether to tell him or not so I can at least get his opinion about the situation.
Arabess Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 He is the father of the child....having the right to know and the OBLIGATION to respond. It seems like a bad set of circumstances which didn't go in your favor. However, it's not the end of the world...it's just a little more complicated. I won't go into your options....I'm sure you know what they are. Just make sure your choice includes his imput and his financial responsibilty.
cindy0039 Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 I agree with Arabess. I definitely think you should tell him. He has a right to know. Maybe you should think for a while and have a good idea of what you want to do about the pregnancy before you talk to him, since I'm sure he'll want to know. Best of luck to you.
Author falcon Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 Arabess and cindy0039, Thank you for your responses. You are helping me to get the strength up to talk to him. But, you know, I have been wanting to tell him since I found out yesterday. I did tell him I needed to talk to him and still haven't heard back. I called once and emailed once. I don't want to call multiple times either. So, if I can't see him in person, or get him on the phone, how do I tell him?? I always felt it was best to talk to people face to face with important matters such as this. But, if that person isn't responding, how do I go about letting him know??
cindy0039 Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 I would suggest constructing a short email that stresses the importance of a face-to-face meeting and assure him that it's not because you're trying to get back together with him, which is probably what he's thinking.
Author falcon Posted December 13, 2003 Author Posted December 13, 2003 Actually, I did send him an email yesterday stating that I needed to talk to him. I also pointed out that I was not going to try and change his mind about anything, nor did I want a relationship when I'd only end up getting hurt in the end. He's gone into a very immature mode of ignoring my requests. I feel like he's treating me like some nut who is stalking him by the way he's acting, which does not help my situation at all. I stated in an email that I really wanted to get some distance between us for a bit, but that it turns out I have to talk to him. He is making this much harder on me than it needs to be, especially considering the situation. And the thing is, I have to see him in class on a regular basis next semester, making the scenario 100 times more difficult. This is why I am posting here and wondering how I tell him when I have no cooperation from him in getting a "talk " going. I'm very freaked out at this point and really feel it's unfair to be dealing with this by myself. I'm almost to the point where I'm going to email him to tell him or send the hyperlink for this discussion to him...but, then that's very easy to ignore too, right?
CanadianBornCutie Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 You said he's making it hard considering the situation, yet he doesn't know what the situation is, I think you shouldn't tell him through email and a phone call it has to be face to face. This is a very big issue, i dont' see the problem with stopping by his place or something to let him know.....when your face to face you can't hang up or delete the email Best of luck! be strong! But he does have a right to know!
Author falcon Posted December 15, 2003 Author Posted December 15, 2003 Quick update... I was finally able to talk to him face to face on Saturday. We didn't say much of anything to each other for over an hour. Then, he left as he "had to be by himself". I still haven't heard back from him yet. But, at least he knows now. He did manage to make a couple of statements such as "Is it mine?" and "I'm not in love with you" (like I didn't that already, ugh!) and "I've always wanted kids, but not like this...". So, all in all, this is a really screwed up situation. Thank you all for your responses!
CanadianBornCutie Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 Best of luck to you! I really feel for your situation, now the ball's in his court all i can say is be strong keep in touch!
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