Girlfriend Wants To Be Friends....Or the Other Way Around??

[blackbear_703]

First off I'd like to say Hi to everyone here at LS and glad to be here!

 

Now for my relationship story in a nutshell. My girlfriend and I met 6 years ago during our college days and after two years, we started a platonic romance. A year later, we became a full-fledged couple. This year we had started making plans to get married, but those plans folded due to my getting laid off and the subsequent loss of money. Needless to say, it's been a rough year for us and we had quite a few arguments this year....largely due to the failed marriage plans and pressure from her family to get married.

 

Last week, we had a major blow up over what turned out to be a stupid misunderstanding and it seemed to drive my g/f into this state of not just being angry at me, but full-blown fury. I hadn't seen anything like it before as long as I've known her. Over the weekend, she finally called to say that she thought it best if we break up and just be friends. She said she had so much pain in her life right now that she just couldn't handle any more stress from our relationship and she'd just rather be single right now. We both agreed to NC and to give our friendship a go once we both had clear hearts and minds.

 

Well, two days later, she came to see me. She said she couldn't do NC because she had missed me so much over the past couple of days and couldn't stop crying. We talked for several hours about what went wrong in our relationship and how to fix it so we could have a better relationship. I also told her if she wanted to give it another go I'd be willing to try. However, she said that was out of the question b/c she needed time and space and that love is just too painful for her. We continued to talk and the conversation got VERY intimate. We talked about some of our own personal thoughts and feelings we never really talked about when we were together. It was at this point when she started sobbing and said "If you want to know why I can't be with you, it's because I'm a fat, bloated, ugly pig with a bad temper! Sooner or later you won't love me anymore and you'll leave me for another woman!" She then said that she had to "protect me from herself" by breaking up since she would hurt me with her temper and if I left her, it would kill her. This is strange since she has seemingly never had a problem with her temper before.

 

Well as of Wednesday, we started seeing each other again as normal, but we tried to keep things as friendly as possible at first. She still insists we have to focus on being friends and not risk falling back into love for all the reasons above. However, over the past couple of days, we've both started hugging and kissing again and exchanging "I love yous." As for me, I've tried playing it cool as much as I can, but it hasn't been easy. I've also talked about NC again, but she said I'm the love of her life and she needs to be with me. Of course I've also tried to do whatever I can to get her to get the help she needs and to address some of these issues. However, she's not always willing to admit there is anything wrong nor will she listen to any advice from me or anyone else.

 

Last night, she told me that she may not be up for another relationship again with me or anyone else since I'm the only man she wants, noone else would come close to me, and that she's "too cold-hearted to be in a relationship." She then asked if I'd be willing to do the same as her. That is, give up any future relationships and focus on her and our platonic friendship. I just said that I couldn't make any promises I can't keep. What I said clearly made her upset and she still seemed upset when I talked to her this morning.

 

Right now I'm just grasping at straws. Obviously her depression is getting the best of her and she does need to be single (or at least w/o the pressure of our relationship hanging over her head) so she can get help....which she hasn't done thus far. OTOH, it seems that despite all the talk about being platonic friends, the relationship we had is still alive and well, but out there somewhere.

 

My question is this: Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this situation? I obviously need to be there for her however she'll let me be, but it's hard since we've officially broken up and I'm still trying to cope with my own feelings from that. It's been tough to set my own hurt aside and try to understand and be there for her. It's strange since she's always been one of the happiest and most understanding people I've known, even when she's at her saddest. I guess it happens to the best of us sometimes.....

 

Thanks for giving an eye and an ear guys and for all the advice. Hope my story wasn't too long!

[blackbear_703]

Well guys, as you may have read in some posts I made in other threads at this site over the past week, things cooled down with my ex last week and I took the time to quietly try and implement NC since I've been feeling so horrible since we broke up. That didn't work out so well because she kept contacting me, asking where I was, why she didn't see me, etc.

 

Tues. morning I finally decided to break NC...which was a very bad idea. At first she was so happy to see me, saying she missed me so much and couldn't stop thinking about me. In addition, she said again that I'm the love of her life and she won't be able to find anyone else to replace me. We also agreed to start seeing each other as before. However, except for one hug, the affection is now long gone.

 

Well I saw her again that night and she seemed pretty distant. All of a sudden, she goes into this lecture about how we have to focus on being friends because not only did she not want to be in a relationship, but couldn't because she is "worthless and isn't relationship material." This lecture went on for an hour, then all of a sudden she asks "If I find another man, what will I do with you?" Naturally I said it would be the end of us, but she replied "What if I want you as well as him? Why do I need to commit to one person?" This not only got me pretty upset, but genuinely creeped out.

 

When I tried calling her again yesterday morning, she just said she was busy and would call me back, but never did. So I finally sent her a fairly lengthy e-mail telling her I'm going back on NC and that it's the best way for us if we truly want to be friends. To which she replied, "I'll e-mail you later" and still hasn't at this time (nor do I expect one).

 

Well, just needed to vent some frustration and aggravation over breaking NC and to warn those of you who are thinking about breaking NC to think very, very carefully before doing so. You just might end up regretting it.

 

Strange and sad how over 3 years (six including the friendship itself) have come down to this.....