Online guy travelling thousands of miles accross the atlantic to meet me! :)

November 22, 2009

SincereOnlineGuy - thank you very much for the enlightening post, a bit of optimism is nice round here.

I will do nothing but be myself, and totally honest with him about everything. I am one of those 'what you see is what you get' type of people so being fake would be too much effort for me anyways!

And as much as I might want to - I just wouldnt give it up on the first night. I know what most guys think about girls who do that, my tentative plan is to wait until the 3rd night (or day hehe!)

November 22, 2009

I started talking to a guy online in August and shortly after the first email and picture exchanges he was making plans to come and see me, he is coming in 2 weeks!

OP, as you know I think you should give it a try and I encourage you, but I have to admit I sort of overlooked this or didn't think about it that much.

If he told you right after the FIRST email and exchanging pics that he was making plans to come see you, that is very questionable. That concerns me to be honest.

Let me get this straight, when exactly did he start making plans to come and see you? Was this seriously right after the first email and pic exchanges? I was thinking it was after talking for months. It would be more understandable if he wanted to come see you after getting to know you more, and talking for months. However, if he started making plans immediately, that is a bit crazy. I don't know.

Edited November 22, 2009 by jw90063

November 22, 2009

OP, as you know I think you should give it a try and I encourage you, but I have to admit I sort of overlooked this or didn't think about it that much.

If he told you right after the FIRST email and exchanging pics that he was making plans to come see you, that is very questionable. That concerns me to be honest.

Let me get this straight, when exactly did he start making plans to come and see you? Was this seriously right after the first email and pic exchanges? I was thinking it was after talking for months. It would be more understandable if he wanted to come see you after getting to know you more, and talking for months. However, if he started making plans immediately, that is a bit crazy. I don't know.

As mentioned previously, we had talked for about 1 month (starting in August this year) before he suggested I fly over there, which I would do after he comes to see me first. I know we hadnt been talking for long but, if something feels right - why wait?

November 22, 2009

And for the record, it wasnt after just the one email - we had exchanged several before the suggestion of meeting. Sorry if that wasnt clear in my OP but what I meant was, there was a very short space of time (about 4 weeks) between the first email/chat and him suggesting the visit.

November 22, 2009

And for the record, it wasnt after just the one email - we had exchanged several before the suggestion of meeting. Sorry if that wasnt clear in my OP but what I meant was, there was a very short space of time (about 4 weeks) between the first email/chat and him suggesting the visit.

That's even better - and absolutely normal!

Five or six weeks after I first came on the internet, a woman asked whether I would ever consider meeting her in real life. We met about a month later, and purely coincidentally I just referenced her on another post here .

November 22, 2009

That's even better - and absolutely normal!

Five or six weeks after I first came on the internet, a woman asked whether I would ever consider meeting her in real life. We met about a month later, and purely coincidentally I just referenced her on another post here .

Its called living for the moment and taking a chance. Or some might say jumping in the deep end with both feet.

November 22, 2009

I met my "affair" online--and I flew to the UK--then he came to Canada--and then I flew to Uk again

I left all his personal details with a good friend--and made a time to contact her by phone/email/messenger. If she didn't hear from me she was to make police aware. I did this as i am smart--not paranoid-

I think weird people will do anything and i didn't want to be unprepared.

We met at a train station and then i went from there to his car--and to a isolated place --all three meetings--no trouble.

I confirmed all his details about him first though--resisdence-employer-marital status etc.(census records) all on internet.

It is good to get input here but in the end its all up to you. I hope you have fun

November 22, 2009

I met my "affair" online--and I flew to the UK--then he came to Canada--and then I flew to Uk again

I left all his personal details with a good friend--and made a time to contact her by phone/email/messenger. If she didn't hear from me she was to make police aware. I did this as i am smart--not paranoid-
I think weird people will do anything and i didn't want to be unprepared.
We met at a train station and then i went from there to his car--and to a isolated place --all three meetings--no trouble.
I confirmed all his details about him first though--resisdence-employer-marital status etc.(census records) all on internet.
It is good to get input here but in the end its all up to you. I hope you have fun

Nice of you to share that.

Well, hopefully the guy the OP is meeting has good intentions.

November 22, 2009

Oh god. Please don't end up on the news...

November 22, 2009

Oh god. Please don't end up on the news...

On the news?

For doing what?

November 22, 2009

I read the first 4 pages and the last page. I well remember the Brazil MM guy, and I remember how incredibly you got hung up on a MM who truly was nothing but a player and who treated you horribly and how you had an entire fairytale ending set up in your head.

Now, I applaud you for being moved along enough to be interested in someone else, but I admit that I am very concerned about your "looking ahead so far" and planning all of these scenarios about this guy that you don't even know and that you have not even dated or kissed. I would be much happier if you could find a local guy, rather than get hooked on some man who will have a semi-hidden life from you and will be unavailable for so long.

November 22, 2009

I read the first 4 pages and the last page. I well remember the Brazil MM guy, and I remember how incredibly you got hung up on a MM who truly was nothing but a player and who treated you horribly and how you had an entire fairytale ending set up in your head.

Now, I applaud you for being moved along enough to be interested in someone else, but I admit that I am very concerned about your "looking ahead so far" and planning all of these scenarios about this guy that you don't even know and that you have not even dated or kissed. I would be much happier if you could find a local guy, rather than get hooked on some man who will have a semi-hidden life from you and will be unavailable for so long.

Hey Lucky,

I know, in some ways its a really positive thing that I have moved on from the MM - just a shame about these circumstances. Thats not to say it wont work though, MM was extreme with how badly he treated me. With online guy it has been really positive so far, hes a totally different person and the fact he is coming all the way here to see me when he could also find someone local speaks volumes. I mean, I have learnt that when a man likes you he will move mountains to be with you. So far so good, but I guess we will just have to wait and see what the outcome is, lets see how we get on when we meet face to face.

November 22, 2009

Oh, and with regards to finding someone local - it just wasnt happening. Ive been here 4 years now, have fancied one or two local guys but they didnt feel the same and when I go out honestly, no one is of interest to me. At all.

Also, all the best seem to already be taken anyway, and this is the sort of town where everyone either just has casual sex which is definately not for me, or just gets with someone local who is just bland with an average life and average job etc. Why would I want that? I am quite a unique and eccentric person and dont find I click with many people anyway, therefore I do need someone a bit special and exciting, and who would appreciate my quirkiness.

November 23, 2009

I read the first 4 pages and the last page. I well remember the Brazil MM guy, and I remember how incredibly you got hung up on a MM who truly was nothing but a player and who treated you horribly and how you had an entire fairytale ending set up in your head.

Now, I applaud you for being moved along enough to be interested in someone else, but I admit that I am very concerned about your "looking ahead so far" and planning all of these scenarios about this guy that you don't even know and that you have not even dated or kissed. I would be much happier if you could find a local guy, rather than get hooked on some man who will have a semi-hidden life from you and will be unavailable for so long.

This explains a lot.

I wonder if OP is so set on a 'happy ending' that she is over looking some red flags that maybe she isn't even posting about.

I have a hard time believing that there is no one local for you OP.

Have you asked him yet about what he is looking for?

November 23, 2009

This explains a lot.

I wonder if OP is so set on a 'happy ending' that she is over looking some red flags that maybe she isn't even posting about.

I have a hard time believing that there is no one local for you OP.

Have you asked him yet about what he is looking for?

I have not asked him yet, figured it would be best to just discuss it when we are face to face. I mean its only 2 weeks away, and that sort of convo will be better in real life when we have got to know each other more and see if we hit it off in the first place! Hey, theres a chance that I wont even like him when we meet - wont that be a funny twist to the tale!

November 23, 2009

I have not asked him yet, figured it would be best to just discuss it when we are face to face. I mean its only 2 weeks away, and that sort of convo will be better in real life when we have got to know each other more and see if we hit it off in the first place! Hey, theres a chance that I wont even like him when we meet - wont that be a funny twist to the tale!

Perhaps by not asking, you don't have to hear an answer that will put an end to the idea of how you think this well all pan out.

November 23, 2009

Perhaps by not asking, you don't have to hear an answer that will put an end to the idea of how you think this well all pan out.

I am going to ask him - when hes here as it would be more appropriate, therefore I will know where this is going very soon so whats the problem?!?! Jeez...

November 23, 2009

Dreamergrl - look I know you are only saying those things cos you care which is really nice, but you are beginning to sound like a stuck record. With my past I really need positive vibes and people rooting for me but you often come across as quite negative. I just feel I deserve for this to work out considering how unhappy Ive been for alot of my life.As for Brazil guy, well it was a different situ, I didnt meet him online - we were roommates here in the UK. Read my previous threads for the dirt, but if anything that experience has made me more cautious. Once bitten, twice shy.

November 23, 2009

Who said you don't deserve some happiness? Everyone does. I feel if you were being more cautious you wouldn't be planning out a relationship that doesn't exists yet. I think you would have found out what it is he's looking for.

You're confusing negativity with dealing with the reality of it. Oh well.. have fun with it.

November 23, 2009

Who said you don't deserve some happiness? Everyone does. I feel if you were being more cautious you wouldn't be planning out a relationship that doesn't exists yet. I think you would have found out what it is he's looking for.

You're confusing negativity with dealing with the reality of it. Oh well.. have fun with it.

Another reason I didnt want to ask him to spell out exactly what hes looking for is that he may have interpreted it as me appearing too keen and I didnt want that. Trying to play it just a bit cool at this stage.

November 23, 2009

Just wanted to say....

While the OP obviously needs to take precautions and be on the look out, there is always a chance that this guy could be sincere and really like her so far. Sounds to me they have spoken almost 4 months, NOT just a couple. August until now is way over two months time. Believe it or not, you can get to know a lot of about someone by just talking. Of course, to get to know the entire package you have to actually meet them and be together. I do think she should have discussed his actual intentions up front, just to make sure. The thing is, he could have still lied and said "yes, I want something serious". So who cares? People do this every day. She will just have to be careful and find out for herself in person. Take a chance.

So what if he is traveling overseas? He's in the army, I'm sure its nothing to him. I think a lot of army guys would like to meet someone special, and have them there when they return. He is going off for a matter of months, so he could be worried about meeting someone, and is willing to travel the distance for them. Maybe there seems to be a really good connection, despite them actually meeting.

By the way, there is a big difference between being realistic and just plain
pessimistic. Some people on here just can't stand the thought of someone else seeking happiness.

I second this post.

November 23, 2009

OP I have three experiences with online dating. The first is my ex, who I talked to for 3 months every day until we met (he came to see me at college). Before we even met I asked him what his intentions were since I wasn't going to waste my time letting some guy come see me for a one week fling. Found out he wanted a real relationship and he stuck around for 2 months till we broke up. Second instance was with this fling I had. He claimed he was looking for a girlfriend, was heart broken, blah blah blah. He even sent me these cute little text messages everyday till we met, telling me how he was thinking of me and couldn't wait to meet me. Well we met, had sex (and yes I knew I wanted to have sex with him whether it turned out to be short term or long term because 1) he was hot and 2) I was just horny). Then he disappeared, not that I was all that sad, but he did disappear after claiming to want a relationship. Third guy is my current boyfriend. We talked online and on the phone, he told me he didn't want to rush things and wanted to take things one day at a time, and so we met. Didn't have sex for a month after first meeting, and now we're happily dating. Turns out he does want a LTR although he's still not sure if he wants to get married. He's like a best friend to me and a good boyfriend. My point being, this guy could turn out to be your prince charming or another nightmare. There are no hard and fast rules in dating and so it doesn't matter how far away or close to you he lives. If he's a jerk, he'll be a jerk, and if he's a sincere man, he'll be a sincere man. That's just the nature of the beast.

November 23, 2009

OP I have three experiences with online dating. The first is my ex, who I talked to for 3 months every day until we met (he came to see me at college). Before we even met I asked him what his intentions were since I wasn't going to waste my time letting some guy come see me for a one week fling. Found out he wanted a real relationship and he stuck around for 2 months till we broke up. Second instance was with this fling I had. He claimed he was looking for a girlfriend, was heart broken, blah blah blah. He even sent me these cute little text messages everyday till we met, telling me how he was thinking of me and couldn't wait to meet me. Well we met, had sex (and yes I knew I wanted to have sex with him whether it turned out to be short term or long term because 1) he was hot and 2) I was just horny). Then he disappeared, not that I was all that sad, but he did disappear after claiming to want a relationship. Third guy is my current boyfriend. We talked online and on the phone, he told me he didn't want to rush things and wanted to take things one day at a time, and so we met. Didn't have sex for a month after first meeting, and now we're happily dating. Turns out he does want a LTR although he's still not sure if he wants to get married. He's like a best friend to me and a good boyfriend. My point being, this guy could turn out to be your prince charming or another nightmare. There are no hard and fast rules in dating and so it doesn't matter how far away or close to you he lives. If he's a jerk, he'll be a jerk, and if he's a sincere man, he'll be a sincere man. That's just the nature of the beast.

This post made me flashback on some experiences I had. Comes to show you, even if a guy tells you up front they want something serious or whatever, it could be a lie. This one I talked to for months online told me he was looking for something serious and after meeting me told me he really cared about me. Told me a bunch of other crap as well. Come to find out he was just trying to get in my pants.

Never know what to believe anymore.

November 23, 2009

This post made me flashback on some experiences I had. Comes to show you, even if a guy tells you up front they want something serious or whatever, it could be a lie. This one I talked to for months online told me he was looking for something serious and after meeting me told me he really cared about me. Told me a bunch of other crap as well. Come to find out he was just trying to get in my pants.

Never know what to believe anymore.

Exactly, so even if I asked my cyber guy his intentions theres no guaruntee he would be telling the truth anyway! Would be a complete waste of time asking him at this stage anyway then, especially as we have not met yet therefore not got a feel for one another and what we want to come of it.

Futile to ask then, well at this stage anyway - when we meet I will want to have a talk with him about where we go from here if we hit it off. And hopefully I will just feel his vibes about how much hes into me an whether hes genuine, I will instinctively know.

Its nice to think most people are honest but I learnt the hard way not to just trust someone. In fact, I have turned into a paranoid wreck due to the past, hence why I posted the story here for some feedback and support.

I would love answers about what will happen in the future with this situation but truth is, no one really knows - probably not even this guy himself.

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