Josh87 Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 (edited) We've been dating for 4 years and we are currently engaged. Through this time she's had trouble with 2 men. I truly believe she never actually cheated on me with those 2 though I did catch her talking sexually to one (about 6 months ago) and she kissed the other guy at the start of our relationship 4 years ago. Then about a month ago a man I'm going to call Tod began coming into the place she works to get a drink every day. She claims he kind of likes her and frequently asks her out. She also claims she tells me a lot just to tease me which I can see because I can be overprotective. Then last night we were in bed and I tried to get me some and she was not willing as she had not been for about a week. Then I started asking her questions and I eventually coerced out of her that she was "sexually frustrated" and I can't be rough with her because I love her. She asked me if it was okay if we ever thought about other people and that's when I began agreeing with everything she said to coerce what I thought she was hiding. Well it eventually came out. She went to dinner and a movie with Tod 3 nights ago when she said she was going out with her best friend. I was not at home that night as I stayed at a friends house. She claims they came home and began making out in the driveway and he tried many advances sexually but she kept "turning him down." She says he was really rough (she likes that I guess) and she felt like maybe he would rape her so she felt almost like kicking. Why would you need to "kick" in a car? She said nothing at all happened. After we talked I told her it was okay because I didn't know what to think. I even told her she could see him again because I wasn't sure HOW to get as angry as I wanted to get. Before going to sleep we messed around and she was "different." Cleaner if you understand what I'm saying. Someone help Edited November 20, 2009 by Josh87
jerseyboy Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 LOL WTF Yoiu told her she can see him again? Even that aside, you find nothing incongruent about her description of his behavior and her desire to repeat the performance? Dude You kids today have been completely pussified.
Fall for you Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Dude where's your backbone?! You can't get mad at your fiancee who fooled around with another man begind your back?! I bet my left leg she did way more than just making out, unless you guys are swingers I fail to see how the hell you could accept this, she has no regards for your feelings if she's going around doing this. Did she even apologize? Do yourself a favor and dump this girl, you deserve better man. Don't just stay in the relationship just because you've grown attatched or gotten comfortable.
jerseyboy Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 These kids all seem this way nowadays. They've all been conditioned so much into thinking being a guy is a pejoarative that they act like frightened little girls. Whats most amusing is the girl is trying to tell him she wants to be manhandled some, used a little and treated like a sex toy by some guy, and he further emasculates himself with his response to her confession. I think its pretty much over for you bro with this chick. She sees you as a pussy and thats not going to change
Author Josh87 Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 I have a backbone and I'm not pussified. Listen the only reason I didn't explode last night was because I wanted to get all of the information I could out of her. Now I have to decide what to do. I'm 100% sure it won't work out but I have to decide how I want to go about this. 4 years is a long time and I'm only 22 I've never really had a relationship this serious before. Of course she said sorry and she's been saying sorry. Truth is I don't care. over the past 6 months or so she's picked up smoking, going to clubs, and she has got drunk a couple of times. And plus no matter what I'm always the bad guy.
Fall for you Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I have a backbone and I'm not pussified. Listen the only reason I didn't explode last night was because I wanted to get all of the information I could out of her. Now I have to decide what to do. I'm 100% sure it won't work out but I have to decide how I want to go about this. 4 years is a long time and I'm only 22 I've never really had a relationship this serious before. Of course she said sorry and she's been saying sorry. Truth is I don't care. over the past 6 months or so she's picked up smoking, going to clubs, and she has got drunk a couple of times. And plus no matter what I'm always the bad guy. So you were in shock, ok that makes sense to a degree. You'll be able to get back in the dating scene though, even if it has been 4 years you're still young. You shouldn't care if she said sorry I was just saying it would be a bigger slap to the face if she didn't. Pop her ass like a pimple, get your stuff together, meet her 1 on 1 to break it up, then no contact with her ass.
Author Josh87 Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 So you were in shock, ok that makes sense to a degree. You'll be able to get back in the dating scene though, even if it has been 4 years you're still young. You shouldn't care if she said sorry I was just saying it would be a bigger slap to the face if she didn't. Pop her ass like a pimple, get your stuff together, meet her 1 on 1 to break it up, then no contact with her ass. She's not going to give up. I have to figure out how to get angry enough to do it angry. I want to be pissed off I want to make her cry but it's hard. Maybe because I just don't care anymore. I don't know.
jerseyboy Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 She is not going to give up what? And why do you need to make her cry and get angry?
Fall for you Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 She's not going to give up. I have to figure out how to get angry enough to do it angry. I want to be pissed off I want to make her cry but it's hard. Maybe because I just don't care anymore. I don't know. Either let it sink in, that SHOULD get you pissed, or do it completely apathetically, that will probably hurt her way more than doing it angry (anger would probably relieve her guilt and give her closure)
Author Josh87 Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 She is not going to give up what? And why do you need to make her cry and get angry? she's not going to want to give up on our relationship. she's been trying to text me all morning at work but I've been "busy". I want to make her cry because she hurt me. I want her to hurt for what she's done. im feeling it now.
Fall for you Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I'm telling you, apathy would hurt her more because she'll be wondering how the hell could you do it so calmly.
jerseyboy Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 she's not going to want to give up on our relationship. she's been trying to text me all morning at work but I've been "busy". I want to make her cry because she hurt me. I want her to hurt for what she's done. im feeling it now. Ehhh Wasted energy The other guy is right anyway. Apathy is far more hurtful. You only get angry about people you truly care for, which is how she will correctly interpret it anyway. Itll make her think she has more of a chance to get you back once youve cooled down.
kefvclark Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Coming from a woman's perspective, Josh87 move on she already has. When women even go as far as to go out with another man and to allow him to caress her body or touch her with any type of intimacy what she currently feels for you mentally is now gone. She is obviously trying to work out in her mind how to get you to break up with her. As small as that sounds it is true, especially when dealing with a female in that age bracket. Unfortunately, her mind is still immature and to be honest you both are at the age were you shouldn't be talking about a serious relationship. One reason divorce rate is so high couples are getting married and serious way to young. You are 22 enjoy life, stop attaching yourself to someone so quickly, life is too short and when it is time for you to give your all you will be totally ready because you have experienced what you need to experience in life. Make a good decision. Good Luck!!!
Author Josh87 Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 I'm telling you, apathy would hurt her more because she'll be wondering how the hell could you do it so calmly. apathy it is. oh. she's going bar hopping tonight for her friends birthday but she "doesn't want to." bull****. she loves that. i am ****ing done with her
Author Josh87 Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 Coming from a woman's perspective, Josh87 move on she already has. When women even go as far as to go out with another man and to allow him to caress her body or touch her with any type of intimacy what she currently feels for you mentally is now gone. She is obviously trying to work out in her mind how to get you to break up with her. As small as that sounds it is true, especially when dealing with a female in that age bracket. Unfortunately, her mind is still immature and to be honest you both are at the age were you shouldn't be talking about a serious relationship. One reason divorce rate is so high couples are getting married and serious way to young. You are 22 enjoy life, stop attaching yourself to someone so quickly, life is too short and when it is time for you to give your all you will be totally ready because you have experienced what you need to experience in life. Make a good decision. Good Luck!!! Thank you. I'll probably break it off with her tomorrow. How should I go about it? I don't really live with her so that's not a big deal, I'll just go over and we'll have a talk and I'll leave?
jerseyboy Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Yep Not in public unless youre a masochist. Not at your place because shell never leave. If she has a key change your locks. Her place, and depending on how nuts she can be, I might not even go inside.
Fall for you Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Btw make sure to protect your car, she may decide to "vent" on it.
serialgf Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 if you really want to torture her i would either ignore her for a week or break up with her via text message and tell her you're busy for the next week - you can talk then if she wants... personally, that would kill me more than a face-to-face breakup... though it might not be a good idea if she's the stalker type... i'm not really into hurting someone else, but this chick is messed up. you sound like a nice guy and you're very young so you're bound to be just fine! good luck!
Dexter Morgan Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Well it eventually came out. She went to dinner and a movie with Tod 3 nights ago when she said she was going out with her best friend. I was not at home that night as I stayed at a friends house. She claims they came home and began making out in the driveway and he tried many advances sexually but she kept "turning him down." She says he was really rough (she likes that I guess) and she felt like maybe he would rape her so she felt almost like kicking. Why would you need to "kick" in a car? did she cheat you ask? she just admitted it. She said nothing at all happened. nah, they just made out. and if she is insinuating that they didn't have sex, sorry...she is a lying sack of s##t. dump her and get yourself a decent girl.
mark982 Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 josh, the best thing you can do is while she's out clubbing, is just go over that what's rightfully yours and move on. no yelling,face to face meetings, none of that crap---just disappear. that's the best way,just leaves them confused and startled that you had brass to do that. then go nc and stick with it.
Ody Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 she was "sexually frustrated" and I can't be rough with her because I love her. I suggest in your next relationship you realize that the chicks you love want and deserve a good hair pull now and again as well. Lose the madonna whore thing and your fortunes will improve. Good luck.
jerseyboy Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 i suggest in your next relationship you realize that the chicks you love want and deserve a good hair pull now and again as well. Lose the madonna whore thing and your fortunes will improve. Good luck. lol...........
road Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Grow up. No need to make her cry. Just quietly dump. Stay cool calm. This will get her more than you ranting as a teenager.
seibert253 Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 What's up Josh. Did you kick her to the curb? Hope so 'cause she deserves it.
Space Ritual Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 WOW.....quite a thread. I'm sure he didnt break up with her.
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