kahn2154 Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I just came back from seeing relatives in foreign country, parents are immigrants and my entire family is there. I'm 23 and live with my father, but like 5 minute drive from mom who I see basically everyday, basically I'll just use my cousins description of our relationship, which was basically my mother is manipulative and sucks the life out of everyone around her while I am good hearted and therefore easily controllable. I've always tried to be good to my mom, I've started making good money and have tried to help her out but recently less and less because it is never enough. Just to give some sort of example (not real) if I give her $100 she will want $200 next time and if she won't get it she will get pissy. She basically only thinks of herself and just doesn't seem to help me out at all anymore yet asks way too much of me, calls me everyday, wants me to run random errands for her because I work at home and therefore in her mind have all the free time in the world. She constantly is negative to me will make some sarcastic remark about whatever and if I ever say something back she will say she was just joking and how I can't take a joke. Is never wrong and somehow guilts me into always thinking it is my fault even though I know in my head its not, is an attention whore and started up the "I want to kill myself" crap again, I got pissed before my trip when she said it for the second time and just left while packing, came back and shes not talking to me and somehow I feel the burden is on me. I've heard "no one ever helped me in my life and I'm not going to help anyone else" a few times recently which was basically a dig at me, I guess in her head now that I make six figures I'm supposed to give her half since she is in debt and struggling. I've given her stuff but don't want to completely support her, especially since shes the type who if given a million bucks would go through it in three months, just flushing money down the toilet. I'm kind of scared what she will do when she can't work anymore, she works off the books and I think I'm her retirement plan and scared I will be guilted into it somehow... She has been pretty ****ty to me through the course of my life, was an alcoholic until recently and had to put up with her crap then for a while, has basically borrowed/stolen $15k which I'll never see again. Around last year she started to basically campaign for me to buy a house, telling me how great of an investment it was as the housing market crashed. Her intentions were obviously for her to move in with me so she can basically have her own house. I have no interest in buying a house at all and made it clear but kept hearing it. Now when I went to visit relatives her two sisters basically did the same thing and campaigned for it to the point I didn't want to be around them. One of them was just straight forward and basically told me 5x over the course of the day how it would be best for us to buy house and have my mom take care of house/cook/clean etc. Other kind of tried to guilt me into it, basically saying that I should help my mom out, that I only have one mom, if I loved her, etc etc that I should help her out with rent, brought up buying house and supporting her but not straight forward way of other aunt. My cousin who visited us a few times was approached by aunts to campaign also but told them to but out of it and said the best thing I ever did was move out of my mom's house since I have no life because of her. Really funny and hypocritical by my aunts too considering aunt #1 isn't even on speaking terms with her daughter for a while and aunt #2 told me I should get away from my dad as far as possible because of how bad he has been to me and how my cousin should get away from her parents and move out because of the fact they are a financial burden on her and she just cleans up after them. My cousin said my aunts basically hear one side of the story regarding how it is in the US from my mother and the perception is that I'm rollling in money while my mother is struggling and I won't throw her a penny. But it comes back to the fact I would feel guilty moving away (on top of the fact I have no life, SAD, and am kind of scared of change) and leaving her alone. She only has one friend and her dog and seemed to do bad when I was away for two weeks, she told me to cancel tickets a few days after I booked them and basically called everyday. Cousin said it would be best though to get away since she relies on me too much and leaving her alone would be only way she could straighten out her life.
newyork82 Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 She is your mum! I don't think you should abandon her, but I think she needs help. Is it possible for her to see a therapist? I also think you should put it in prayer. There is nothing God can't do. Besides, don't go out of your way to give her anything that you think isn't necessary. Cos the more u give, the more she collects. Learn how to say no.
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