kalena9488 Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I met my current BF 8 months ago. I have 3 kids, 23, 19 and 13. I was living alone the kids in another state. I had been partying and meeting different people but no one to make a relationship with. So, on the night I had told myself that I was done looking and not going to the bar anymore I met my BF. He is a nice looking man with a pretty good personality. He told me he was a partner in a business that was just opening around where I live and we talked he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. The next day we went to dinner and haven't been without each other since. A few days into seeing each other he told me he has been married 5 times and he's only 40. Well technically only married 4 times and one common law marriage. He has 4 kids, 19, 13, 10 and 7. At the time none of them were living with him for whatever reason but he gets his 7 year old alot. We have grown very close. He is trying to get his 13 and 10 year old as well because they want to live with him. Well, I bought a house and he has been living with me since I moved in. Things are good. He's home everyday, he cooks all meals (likes to cook) I never have to wonder where he is, he calls me often etc. But, he isn't and never was a part owner in a company and now that that company has ended he is working but barely making enough money to take care of himself. We agreed on an amount of money for him to give me each week to help pay the bills and 90 percent of the time he's unable to give it to me. Usually he tells me the guy he's working for didn't pay him what he owed him. I told him this has got to change because I can't and shouldn't be expected to carry the financial load (though I have a very good job and I'm retired from the military). My question really is how do I know if I'm being used. He seems so sincere in the way he acts and treats me. Could it really be as most people say about him. That he just has married the wrong women and as he says that he's just having a hard time right now. I'm asking because he has asked me to marry him and though I love him I know I don't want to be the one paying the bills when he moves his two kids in. I know the mothers won't pay child support. And, he can't afford to take care of them.
carhill Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 You're his most current 'victim'. Once he has you 'hooked', he'll change. Do a background check on him. It'll make for interesting reading.
jerseyboy Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Um, yes, he is using you, no doubt. There is no question. The fact is he is using you. If it brings you any comfort to believe that he didnt intentionally seek you out just to use grasp at that straw I suppose. Doesnt change the reality, just the initial motivation. And 4 divorces? You seem like an otherwise normal person, at least intelligent enough from your post. What were you thinking? Sincerely, the rule is you put crap in, you get crap out:)
Agoraphobianebula Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 This is your gut telling you that something is not right. No matter how well this guy treats you. If you didnt' feel like you are being used, you wouldn't think twice about letting him live rent free with you and you would not come here to ask for advice. Go with your gut. He's been married 4 times because he's probably used the same ol' bait, catch and switch on the other women. Have you ever discussed why all his marriages failed? He may be a really nice guy but he also needs a meal ticket. It is up to you to decide if you want to be that to him.
phineas Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Free room & board plus sex? And all I gotta do is cook & clean? Sign me up.
Author kalena9488 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 It's still the same ole thing. Every week the guy didn't pay him what he owed him. Well, yesterday he started looking for another job though not too hard. He didn't go to work yesterday but I didn't find out till about lunch time when he called me. Then for today he said he didn't know if he was going to work or not. I asked if he was still going to get paid (did he quit) he said he didn't quit but he didn't know if he was going to get paid. I really was already getting to the point where I wasn't sure if this was the relationship I wanted to be in. I mean I feel bad about this but... I have three kids 22, 19 and 13 no one lives with me. He has 19, 13, 10 and 6. When we met none of them were living with him but he told me he was trying to get the younger three to live with him (well at least the two middle ones) at first I thought I was okay with that. But, with him not bringing in money to the house I've decided I'm really not okay with raising three more kids and taking away from the ones I have. Does that make me a bad person or a selfish person? I feel like it.
Yukikazi Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Pay first before kids allowed. Tell him to pay before next year or go live with the ex
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