hotgurl Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Do you keep in touch with your ex? Does your spouse know? Do you tell you spouse about the level of contact with you ex? my husband has an ex on the east coast. Out of the blue she wrote him and he wrote her back. I don't have a problem with this what I do have a problem with is that he kept it from me. He kept the letters in his car. made the phone call from work and never mentioned to me once that she contacted him. I accidently found the letter on the floor of his car. I got mad and he made me out to be crazy. I know I am not in a good mood right now but I don;t think it negates my feeling that at least it should been brought up. thoughts?
Love2love7 Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I had this problem with my H. They don't want you to know because they think you'll get upset but they make it worse by hidding it. What were they writing each other? Trust is very delicate and any little thing can hurt it. Now you don't know what else he's keeping from you. You should tell him how that made you feel and that in a marriage you shouldn't keep ANYTHING in the dark.
Author hotgurl Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 I have talked to him about it he gets defensive and than throws things in my face. HE does this whenever we argue and it is very frustrating.
carhill Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 (edited) He kept the letters in his car. made the phone call from work and never mentioned to me once that she contacted him. I accidentally found the letter on the floor of his car.I got mad and he made me out to be crazy.Dealbreaker, right there. Time for him to go My stbx had random contact with her exH#2 during our M, mainly about the death of their dog (whom she loved and he kept) and congratulating him when he got remarried. The contact was always transparent. Edited November 20, 2009 by carhill
Author hotgurl Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 Dealbreaker, right there. Time for him to go My stbx had random contact with her exH#2 during our M, mainly about the death of their dog (whom she loved and he kept) and congratulating him when he got remarried. The contact was always transparent. I just hate how he fights. we were talking about this. I was saying I don't mind you contacti but I would like to know. 1.) he said it is no big deal why are you jealous. I explained I am not I just don't like the lieing and hiding it from me. I was jealous when we first started dating but I am not anymore. We've been together almost 9 years. 2.) than he said we you did XYZ so it is not like you can say anything. yes I did do some things early on but I apoligized and never did them again. 3.) he said I don't have to tell you everything. - i think ex contact is worthy of being told. no you don't have to tell me everything but this is one of thoose things you have to tell me. It is frustrating. Why can't he even see my point. it is more about hte hiding it than anything. It really bothers me and I feel disrespected.
threebyfate Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Do you keep in touch with your ex?Yes, actually, 4 exes or 5, if you include one who cruises in and out. Does your spouse know?Absolutely! Do you tell you spouse about the level of contact with you ex? Absolutely! my husband has an ex on the east coast. Out of the blue she wrote him and he wrote her back. I don't have a problem with this what I do have a problem with is that he kept it from me. He kept the letters in his car. made the phone call from work and never mentioned to me once that she contacted him. I accidently found the letter on the floor of his car. I got mad and he made me out to be crazy.This is completely unacceptable behaviour on his part. People who hide things have a reason to hide them. I know I am not in a good mood right now but I don;t think it negates my feeling that at least it should been brought up. thoughts?You have every right to know. He has no right to conceal.
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 What did the letter say? Was it intimate or something? Guess it comes down to what was said in the letter... Either way, he should be letting you in on when he talks to her. Hiding it makes one wonder what is going on? Unless you get jealous easily and he just feels it's no big deal, she is part of his past, they get along OK and once in a while they email or write letters, no biggie and he thinks you may read into it or over react.
Author hotgurl Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 What did the letter say? Was it intimate or something? Guess it comes down to what was said in the letter... Either way, he should be letting you in on when he talks to her. Hiding it makes one wonder what is going on? Unless you get jealous easily and he just feels it's no big deal, she is part of his past, they get along OK and once in a while they email or write letters, no biggie and he thinks you may read into it or over react. well it was a letter asking him to write her. She was in prision for drug smuggeling and her dad had just died so she was looking for comfort. Fine I don't care. But he hid it in his car. This week she called. She needed a reference since she it out and they had worked together. She left the message with me and he called her back from work. i never would had known she called if I didn't happen to be the one to pick up the phone. After another incident last year he was looking up old school mates again fine. HE found this girl I aksed did you ever date her. He said no. Well it turns out he slept with her in school took her virginity. liar. I found out via our home email I was looking for an address and saw her response. Now he only uses his work email and routes his home email to work. I tell him everything. I even run stuff by him to make sure it is ok with him.Like a girls trip to burlington. I go out with my friends once a month to the bars. HE is always invited and never goes with us. So he brings that up. I have only female friends and two gay guy friends. HE has a female friend he hikes with on a regular basis.
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Sorry, I have misunderstood, I thought she was his ex-WIFE, not ex-girlfriend. Big difference and yeah if I were in your shoes I would have a problem with this. Especially since she was in jail!
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