BW007 Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I am sick of thinking of my ex. I am sick of trying to even trying to explain it. She is gone from my life for good but managed to move just blocks away with her new BF and now she is going to have a kid. I am pissed because I was cheated on and lied to. The problem for me is that I loved her much more than she knew I guess,and now, 8 months later, it has turned into a toxic mix of hate and love and regret and loneliness and a huge sense of loss and feeling like I failed to keep someone I really cared for from looking for something better. This was compounded by the fact that I had a hard time when my business faltered and then closed and I depended on her after this. I couldn't figure out what was next and this contributed to the stress on the relationship, but I had supported her in similar circumstances. I have a lot of guilt about that part. Often I am really, really pissed at her betrayal and still shocked a bit after all this time that our relationship got so destroyed. I guess it is that the person I cared for the most decided to really not care about me, a concious choice to screw around, a conscious choice to not care how much damage she inflicted on me. When someone treats you like that, the love has died. Why should I have anything but indifference for her? But that doesn't cover the swirling clusterf™¢˚ of feelings. Admittedly, this has all calmed down a bit, but all of the sudden the jealousy and love and hate and anger and sad disappointment will come swirling up with a vengeance. It's crazy. I should handle loss better than this.
Taucher Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Moving on like a glacier? I like that. Dont forget, glaciers may be slow, but they carve out valleys in their wake. Immense power. Thats positive! I feel what you are feeling, exactly. I am 6 months down the line but you have described my feelings too. I'm sorry your ex is pregnant too, that is rough. When you say that you are feeling a "toxic mix of hate and love and regret and loneliness and a huge sense of loss and feeling like I failed to keep someone I really cared for" it is totally true. Sorry also that your ex left you for someone else. My ex didnt leave me for someone else, she just left. But the feelings are just the same. Indifference to her WILL come in time. T
Author BW007 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 Everything has snuck up on me again and hit me right between the eyes. What I don't understand is why is this really, really kicking my ass all of the sudden again. I don't see any particular trigger for this, yet all of the sudden I am very affected by the ex again even though I haven't spoken to her in months. This has really got to me again.
GrayClouds Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I failed to keep someone I really cared for from looking for something better. I think she failed you. And if she was still aroundhaving that child with you, she would fail you and the child. For when the stress of a family got to her, she go cheat. It sucks, but your days will get better and she is not the type you will want to share those better days with.
Author BW007 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 But why would this all of the sudden start to kick my ass again?
Author BW007 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Yeah I have had that "I am never gonna get laid again." feeling. I admit I am all around pretty lonely right now.(not just to get laid, either)
GrayClouds Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 loneliness? it is sat night. Weekend are difficult too much time alone to think. But if you really feel like your never going to get laid again, just head out to the nearby Wal-Mart. Walk the aisles, take a good look at all those people shopping, and remind yourself, if these people can get a little something-something, then you have no worries.
Boundary Problem Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I know what you mean. I went to an art show with my mom today and it was interesting to see the paintings depicting the human condition. Some very interesting sculptures. I know that painting is helping me purge some of my emotions from break up. Do you have something creative that helps you? Sorry you feel the way you do. (((((((hugs)))))))))
Brightmoon Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I cannot add to what has been said already, except to say that you write very well indeed. The way you express your emotions. It is almost poetic. I agree with Boundary, a creative outlet can help so much, and you write so well...so maybe writing? But you have probably done that anyway. She has failed you and would have continued to fail you. You will be fine.. ((((hugs))))
Author BW007 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Wow. Really? Thank you that was a very nice compliment. I never know if my writing is communicating what I am feeling to other people really. I agree that the creative outlet helps, I am a songwriter and photographer but these outlets have been deadened in the breakup. I would like to write but I have to get my self esteem back up a bit. But thank you.
Thebob Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I am sick of thinking of my ex. I am sick of trying to even trying to explain it. She is gone from my life for good but managed to move just blocks away with her new BF and now she is going to have a kid. I am pissed because I was cheated on and lied to. The problem for me is that I loved her much more than she knew I guess,and now, 8 months later, it has turned into a toxic mix of hate and love and regret and loneliness and a huge sense of loss and feeling like I failed to keep someone I really cared for from looking for something better. This was compounded by the fact that I had a hard time when my business faltered and then closed and I depended on her after this. I couldn't figure out what was next and this contributed to the stress on the relationship, but I had supported her in similar circumstances. I have a lot of guilt about that part. Often I am really, really pissed at her betrayal and still shocked a bit after all this time that our relationship got so destroyed. I guess it is that the person I cared for the most decided to really not care about me, a concious choice to screw around, a conscious choice to not care how much damage she inflicted on me. When someone treats you like that, the love has died. Why should I have anything but indifference for her? But that doesn't cover the swirling clusterf™¢˚ of feelings. Admittedly, this has all calmed down a bit, but all of the sudden the jealousy and love and hate and anger and sad disappointment will come swirling up with a vengeance. It's crazy. I should handle loss better than this. lol, that is what recovery feels like. Your addiction of being with her is getting out of your system. Some girls don't think straight and will do stuff like that without thinking of the consequences. I feel that if you don't love someone in a relationship, then get out before you hurt them anymore. Stay strong man, move on, go meet new girls or whatever. I know it's hard to do but it's what you have to do. Trust me when I was dancing and partying with other girls, I never think of my ex and it's great. I just hope she is having fun with her new boytoy who is an absolute tool and has nothing on me except for money. He is ugly, a prep, who I could literally kick the crap out of any day of the week. I hope she finds true love in that little chipmunk. I treated her better than I could have treated anyone else. Life is to short to dwell man, go meet some other girls. Thebob
threebyfate Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 BW, it helps to look inside of you and separate pride/ego from caring. Once you've done this, what you're left with are smaller, bite size pieces. First, attack pride/ego. Get rid of it since all it does is to hurt you more. Next, attack caring. Caring for someone who doesn't care about you, only holds the pain inside of you, for much, much longer.
Author BW007 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Posted November 23, 2009 I like the idea of breaking it down TBF. I will try that right away.
selena_cat Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) You are a survivor,i've been left for someone else but it was an LDR,he found someone closer to his continent. I couldnt imagine living in the same state as anyone who'd ditch me like that,let alone the same block. Tell yourself her loss and what comes around goes around,what she did will be done to her,thats how i see it. Edited November 23, 2009 by selena_cat
j_cali_man Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Cut yourself a little slack too. There are many who simply could not / would not handle the situation as well as you have. They go out and do something nuts that sometimes can never be taken back. You had a double kick in the chest with the initial breakup and then the fact that she "replaced" you for some chump. There is no easy way around this stuff. I was at a bar last night with friends and the ladies were chatting it up, looking cute (the heels, outfits, everything) and I was semi conversational but the ex was on my mind. Didn't help that her alma mater football team kept flashing up on the big screens. All I am saying is don't freak out because things just come back and hit you. It is hard. Get around your guy friends, family if they are near, stay busy, and allow yourself time to grieve as needed. Stay on this site too and keep writing. Take care J
cdt76 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I am sick of thinking of my ex. I am sick of trying to even trying to explain it. She is gone from my life for good but managed to move just blocks away with her new BF and now she is going to have a kid. I am pissed because I was cheated on and lied to. The problem for me is that I loved her much more than she knew I guess,and now, 8 months later, it has turned into a toxic mix of hate and love and regret and loneliness and a huge sense of loss and feeling like I failed to keep someone I really cared for from looking for something better. This was compounded by the fact that I had a hard time when my business faltered and then closed and I depended on her after this. I couldn't figure out what was next and this contributed to the stress on the relationship, but I had supported her in similar circumstances. I have a lot of guilt about that part. Often I am really, really pissed at her betrayal and still shocked a bit after all this time that our relationship got so destroyed. I guess it is that the person I cared for the most decided to really not care about me, a concious choice to screw around, a conscious choice to not care how much damage she inflicted on me. When someone treats you like that, the love has died. Why should I have anything but indifference for her? But that doesn't cover the swirling clusterf™¢˚ of feelings. Admittedly, this has all calmed down a bit, but all of the sudden the jealousy and love and hate and anger and sad disappointment will come swirling up with a vengeance. It's crazy. I should handle loss better than this. I'm in the same boat. I'm 4 months out and still as madly in love with her as the day she left me for a friend. I'm a mess just like you. I don't know what to do.
threebyfate Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Good luck BW. There are all kinds of ways to cope, with the intent to move on. Getting cheated on has a substantial erosion of self-esteem component to it, since cheaters, whether intentionally or unintentionally, have leveraged their own self-esteem off of others. So it's time to take back your self-esteem. In order to do so, you need to stop ego/pride from dominating your emotions, since it's a destructive force within you, right now.
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