draggedalong Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 An ex-boyfriend of mine, who I'd dated for a year and had never gotten over, finally asked me out on another date recently after two years of not speaking. I was so happy, I'd been hoping he'd ask me out again and we'd been flirting a lot lately. We went to the movies, and walked around the mall. I'd felt like everything went really well. He was taking things slow, so I didn't think it was just a hook-up, considering we weren't doing anything but kissing. We'd been talking about the past, and I told him about how I knew he was into hook-ups now and that I didn't wanted to be just a hook-up. I told him that if that's all this was, then I just wanted him to say so, so I would know not to get hopes up. He assured me and promised me 'I wasn't just a hook-up, and that after everything we'd been through I wasn't just some girl'. He had seemed very sincere with the promise. The date ended with just a little bit of making out and a goodbye kiss. I kept checking my phone that night hoping to recieve a text or something from him but i didn't get anything. The next day I waited again, hoping for anything. When nothing came, I figured I'd text him instead of waiting for him to. He didn't reply. The next few days when I saw him around, we'd walk by each other without even speaking. I thought he was ignoring me so I didn't want to talk to him. After the week had ended, I finally decided to text him and ask for an explanation. I texted him saying "I've noticed you don't want to talk to me, but I was wondering what the problem is?" He called me immediately, and claimed that it was ME who had been ignoring HIM and that he didn't want to talk to me because he thought I was ignoring him. He continued to say that he never got any texts from me. I believed every word he said, because I wanted it to be true. In the back of my mind, I thought about how when we'd pass each other, I'd always look at him. He wouldn't even attempt to look at me. That was the first suspicious thing. The second thing was that if his texts didn't work the first time, why did it randomly work the last time I'd texted him? Both times my phone had said it had been delivered. I let my denial block my logical thinking, so over the next few days, I decided to text him and see if he wanted to hang out again. He didn't reply. And I haven't heard from him or seen him since. I'm confused about the whole situation. It's pretty clear he wasn't interested, but I don't understand why he took the time to assure to me I wasn't just a hook up, especialyl considering he didn't even try anything on the date. I'd thought based on our history, and how well the date had gone in my opinion that we'd probably start dating again. I was hoping somebody might have some advice, or might be able to tell me what went wrong?
2sunny Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 he just wanted the hook up and didn't want to say it. when you set the boundary by stating it out loud, he understood that you weren't going to deliver what he was looking for. that's when he pulled back. he ignores your text and you because he knows he's slim if he uses you. his actions say that he doesn't intend to make the effort for a relationship with you, even though he would never say this out loud. don't make any more effort for him - let him move on and find what he's looking or in another random hook up.
Thornton Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I agree - he was looking for a hookup, and when you made it clear that wasn't going to happen, he backed off. If he really wanted to date you, a more normal reaction when he saw you would be to say "Hey, why didn't you text me?" The fact that he ignored you and just walked past speaks volumes; he didn't want to speak to you, and he didn't even have the common decency to tell you the truth to your face. You've already given him two chances... don't waste your time giving him a third. There are plenty of guys out there who won't behave like such an ass.
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