novack Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 okay so i took LS advice when i found unfort after i tried the pleading/ desperate thing ugh... so dumped after 2 years in univs... was devestated.. broken up 2 1/2 months.. no contact today of 40... My ex cited needing to be single and indepdent for breaking up with me but she has been in 2 relationships since.. A close mutal friend recentely told me she is really really into this guy and that its kinda like when we first started dating... this hurt so much to hear esp bc her reasons for the breakup I haven't heard from her since the start of NC, and yesterday when i found out the news i got a call i let it go to msgs... her msg was this basically I hope your okay havn't seen you in a while, couple of other small talk things and she ended it with you don't have to call me back if you can't i understand she repeated that 3 or 4 times. On the phone she was clearly shaking up and was nervous, she was either about to cry or already had.... I understand this is not a reconcillation attempt and may just be bread crumbs.. i have my ex crying to talk to me.. all what we wanted out of NC right...noooo not at all Now i don't know what i want...i don't think i will be calling her, but now its simply akward as its not an intentional attempt to not speak to her (or at least she knows that) I feel the immature one and am losing the upper hand by her telling me its okay for me not to call her back..****... This is just an angry rant and i wanted some insight... sorry for poor spelling/grammer i wrote this as quick as possible out of frustration
teanoranges Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 You know NC is a funny thing, because technically it can work both ways. You think NC makes your ex miss you? Maybe, for a little, but the NC helps them also to get over that missing feeling of you.. which sucks when you think about it. I tried the friend thing with my ex and I fight myself when I feel like that was the reason he stopped loving me. When I'm NC, I truly feel a lot better, the drama is out of my life and I can say I'm calmer. I miss the affection we had, but I know I'll have that again with someone else, hopefully better! As for the 40 days, breadcrumbs, etc. Go with your gut. If you want to talk and reconcile noone will stop you. Go in to it saying you know the risks and you are willing to take them. You will face whatever pain might be possible for the privilege that there might not be any. Sometimes we just have to go and do it. One last thing, if it doesn't work out, LS will still be here!!
USMCHokie Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 You know NC is a funny thing, because technically it can work both ways. You think NC makes your ex miss you? Maybe, for a little, but the NC helps them also to get over that missing feeling of you.. which sucks when you think about it. This is VERY true and definitely not mentioned enough...we always think of NC as a method for helping us move on and hoping that our ex will realize that they miss us and come running back...but it's often not the case because they too are doing NC for the same reason we are...to move on...and it probably takes them less time to get over it as the dumper... So yes, NC does work...maybe too well, especially if both sides have established NC...there's usually no coming back...
Ultiman Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Im feeling the same exact way... Maybe if i call her and show her how much i miss her and show her that im still here and remind her of everything we had together she will want me back. By not calling her im just giving her a chance to move on without any remorse and a chance to get over me quicker.
DustySaltus Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 She's been in two relationships in two months and now she's seeing that the grass may not be greener on the other side. Let her wallow in her dilemma a little longer. If you truly want to reconcile with her, continue to ignore her and see if the signals get stronger or weaker. If they get weaker...it was breadcrumbs. If she starts baking you cookies and stands outside your door in -10 degrees and blizzard conditions....she MAY be serious about it. Once you open the door to talk to her, you are making HER feel better. YOU have the power right now, NOT HER. Don't call her, let things develop and more importantly how you develop in the next few weeks. Good luck.
sean1970 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Im feeling the same exact way... Maybe if i call her and show her how much i miss her and show her that im still here and remind her of everything we had together she will want me back. By not calling her im just giving her a chance to move on without any remorse and a chance to get over me quicker. "I dont want to date you!" Made the choice clear for me. That I did not have one that is...
Ultiman Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Im so sick of my changing opinions and mood swings. The post I made earlier made so much sense when I posted it... but now im doubting it and im thinking that NC is the better choice for my own personal well being. I can beg plead and call her all I want and in the end the choice will be up to her. For now I must worry about what I can control about my life and the future of our relationship is not one of those things.
Author novack Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 honestly i'm unsure if to contact her..... i was supposed to see her this friday but i changed my mind based on the fact that she has a guy ( i think....) This girl is out of her mind actually, i am unsure of what to do.... I do still have feelings aka the reason i'm not going to the party on friday with her...... She calls me for what reason to keep herself from feeling gulity (and she should feel this way for the way she acted, bitch).... Does she miss me prob... i would love to have her contact me but i feel it unlikely since she said at the end of her msg that its okay if i don't call her back fuc kkkkkkkkkk.... i never know
nobleguy Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 She's been in two relationships in two months and now she's seeing that the grass may not be greener on the other side. Let her wallow in her dilemma a little longer. If you truly want to reconcile with her, continue to ignore her and see if the signals get stronger or weaker. If they get weaker...it was breadcrumbs. If she starts baking you cookies and stands outside your door in -10 degrees and blizzard conditions....she MAY be serious about it. Once you open the door to talk to her, you are making HER feel better. YOU have the power right now, NOT HER. Don't call her, let things develop and more importantly how you develop in the next few weeks. Good luck. This post is the most important one I think. Let her make it clear to you that she wants to reconcile first. At least (for once) you are in control. If you get her giving strong signals to get back together then you can make that choice then. Don't just jump in, contact her and get hurt all over again. In all probability, it is just breadcrumbs.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I think NC is a very personal thing and no-one can tell you whether you should or should not follow it. There are a few things to consider I think. 1. NC DOES help you move on or at least distance yourself from your ex and the relationship. This can help you to put many things into perspective. Essentially this distancing can minimise or intensify the feelings you have. Its either 'out of sight, out of mind' or the other one...(hahaha i've actually forgotten it - D'OH!) 2. Going NC WITHOUT getting everything off of your chest can be counter-productive because you can just brew up endless questions. If its possible, I think its best to meet up and discuss what you can before you go NC. This isn't always possible or ideal though if say the ex won't talk or they did something REALLY bad. 3. I would recommend going NC for a short period of time, if not forever. I think sometimes NC can be really extreme and hard. I mean some people go on like you should freeze someone out forever. For me this depends on what they did and how you feel. I think if you heal and cope there should be no problem with speaking again one day. If you're ex hit you or cheated on you then I think yeah...you don't need that person in your life. But there are circumstances where sometimes the dumped person is throwing a person away because of pride. I re-evaluated this when I started talking to older people, some of whom were very strict about never speaking to exes again even if they ended on good terms and I thought life is short, we all make mistakes, we all do things wrong. Why punish someone forever by blanking them? I think some people use NC as a punishment for their ex rather than as a way to heal, and that is unfair.
GrayClouds Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 NC is about focusing on making your self great and figuring out why you behaved the way you did in the relationship. That is hard work. But if you do it and he does want to try, you will have change and wont repeat the mistake. If he doesn't your next relationship will have a fighting chance. It is about trying new things, get exercise, eat well, journal,read, counseling, friends and family, ect. If you focus on the pain you will find more pain, if you push yourself to focus on yourself you will find a better you.
threebyfate Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 NC is like breaking an addiction, but instead of illegal drugs or alcohol, it's to dopamine and oxytocin.
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