HealthGirl2006 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 My boyfriend of a year and eight months told me a month and a half ago that he does not love me anymore. It was the biggest shock ever because I would of never known by his actions. He would tell me he loved me through out the day and usually he was the first one to say it. He would do sweet things for me, buy me roses, he goes out of his way to do so much for me. A week before he told me that he bought me 18 roses for our year and a half. It does not make sense! I was/ is completely heart broken. He told me he started feeling like this in april. The thing is he wrote me an e-mail in June saying he has been the most happy hes ever been. We have been living together for pretty much a year now and things have been wonderful between us. We do not really fight or anything. Since he told me this, he stopped saying I love you. He has still been doing sweet things like surprising me with candy and other things. He still wants to kiss and usually comes up to me to hug me. His actions define my definiton of love but to him he doesnt feel it. I don't know if he is scared of marriage because we have talked about it before. He just seems very happy to be with me at this moment. Can someone please explain what is going on? What should I do to convince him what love really is about?
sean1970 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 What should I do to convince him what love really is about? You can't. You have all the classic signs of being used as a doormat. He gets all he wants, you get pain and doubt. When you realize it is not a fair trade, you will have to make some difficult decisions.
nobmagnet Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 it is never too earlyto get relationship help by a 3rd party. I get the impression he might have commitment issues or maybe something deeper. If he finds it hard to open up it might help. if not you have a very real oppurtunity to ask him hand on heart what he ment by saying that and give him the reasons you have just written. Please dont do what I did and just let it slide. You are obviously a very caring and intelegent woman. it is not healthy to be in a one sided relationship. I am not saying it is, Just you need to know where you stand lovexx
teanoranges Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 You know, this is a difficult situation. Sometimes I feel like after a long time being with someone, the feelings don't really fade but the excitement and newness of it does. He could be confused in his feelings of a new found 'comfort' with you. Where he does in fact love you but its not that 'young love' stuff... Does this make sense at all? At the same time, you do have to put your foot down and show that you are an independent strong woman who won't take that crap. Don't let yourself be pulled around as a back-up. That comfort, can either be love or a safety net for when he feels lonely. Don't let yourself be used.
jlr Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I'm sorry to hear about this. I've been there. My ex told me she'd been feeling that way for a while before she broke up with me, yet only a few months before she'd written me something about how happy she was, etc. And I feel you. I wish I could convince her what love is about. Unfortunately, they have to figure it out on their own. I'm coming to see that. Good luck. Hang in there. We're here for you.
Taucher Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Sorry to hear what you are going through. Truth is, what happened to you is fairly common I think, it certainly happened to me. One Saturday morning my girlfriend and I were in bed cuddling and stuff, she said "I am so happy". Then, an hour later, she said she couldnt do it anymore. Complete shock to me. I still love my ex, six months down the line. I cant bring myself to hate her or even be very angry. But I resent the way she carried on being as loving and as smily and happy as ever up until the last minute. I am inclined to think that the problems is more hers and I believe the same is the case with your ex too. nobmagnet (nice name!) is right, it sounds like he has commitment issues and you are not putting him in a position where he has to commit, so he isn't. I would suggest backing off a bit, force his hand, FORCE him to really decide what he wants. Commitment issues can be overcome if he is aware that he has commitment issues and if he loves you. Dont hold your breath though as he might be easing you both out of the relationhip slowly in a misguided attempt to make it easier. I also think that teanoranges might have a point also. I think some people dont like relationships when it gets comfortable (me, I LOVE that part as much as the exciting early stages). This would tie in with his commitment phobia too, if that is what he is. This is his excuse to ignore his feelings and bail out of the relationship claiming that the spark has gone and there is nothing he can do about it. If you two do split for good (which I think is most likely) then he will probably have the same relationship over and over. But you can escape the cycle. T
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