wife Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 So my husband and I went to spend the weekend with my 6 yr old son for his birthday. (he and my toddler live in another state with the father who has them for the school year. Long story, but we are going throough a custody battle to bring them home rt now) Anyway, I noticed he was in the bathroom a bit longer than normal. I went and knocked and cracked the door poen to check on him. He was standing nakid, had the toilet paper roll unrolled, was trying to wipe his bottom square by square. (THis was very abnormal for him!). So I said, "baby what are you doing?" He said he was trying to get his bottom clean. Now keep in mind he has lived with his father since August, after being with me as a stay at home mom all his life. He just started school and the father moved in another woman and HER four kids, so he lives in a small 3 br home with daddy, stranger, and shares the house with 6 children total. He shares a bedroom now with three other boys including his brother. HIs conduct at achool has been abnormal and pretty bad, and his grades suck. And he just started kintergarden and is possibl the smartest kid in his class! So let's move on. I sat him on the toilett, took a good amount of toilet paper and showed him to roll it up, then I handed it to him to wipe behind him. He acted like he didn't know what to do and just sat there. So I took it and said, "Look sweetie like this". so I reached behind him to wipe his bottom. And he blurts out with, "I know mommy! My Nonny does it for me all the time!" (The gradmother who has a history of projecting herself as the birthmother, attempting to play mommy and has odd/sick behaviour with them. She is also there nearly 5 days a week taking over my kids and bringing them home with her every weekend. I tried to put a stop to it, but the police dept said there's nothing they can do, and the father allows it despite what she doese with them) Anyway, I was thinking, why would grandmother (Nonny-my ex husband's mother) wipe my six year old's butt for him all the time? Now I allready put a stop to her holding his penis for him and tapping it when he was four years old, I put a stop to her using the restroom in front of him and his brother, I put a stop (hopefully) to her leaving them alone in her car to go into gas stations and post offices... At least I hope she's stopped! So I caled her and confronted her on it. She denied it at first but I was bold and stern, then she admitted to doing it "once". I imediatly told her to stop, then I called my ex and confronted him about it. Of corse as usual he thought nothing of it. So let me ask you this, is it normal for a paternal OR maternal grandmother to insist on holding peepees well after potty training and into the fourth year, sit there and make a big deal out of pee dripping from my three year old's weiner (another story when my three year old says, "Nonny watches and say drip, drip, drip." after my attempt to get him off the toilet. And is it normal for a grandmother or even a parent to continue to wipe a kids butt at six years old??? I have called the police department. I confronted her, I confronted him, and I documented it for part of our custody case. What else can I do to ensure she stops? The officials and my attorney say they need "proof". Like bruises, ect. Just a kids word of mouth is not good enough. WOW. So am I making a big deal out of nothing? WHat do you think?
silverfish Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I think you posted something like this before and didnt respond to the answers you got.
Author wife Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 I read the answers I got. But none of them helped. This is a new case. We know she does things, but I live in another state, can't stop the dad from allowing her to keep them. I just feel stuck and hopeless. Sorry if it seemed like a repeat post. THe wiping my 6 yr olds bottom is something entirely new now. I'm doing everything I can right now in plans to have custody evaluated and motify the order. It just takes time and patience I guess.
JamesM Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 And is it normal for a grandmother or even a parent to continue to wipe a kids butt at six years old??? So am I making a big deal out of nothing? What do you think? I would think it is unusual for a grandparent to wipe a child's butt IF she does everything else as you describe it, but I guess I am not thinking abuse or anything. As for a parent wiping a butt, yes, I think this happens and can be considered nothing more than being certain that the butt is clean. A couple of our boys were quite concerned that they were clean and did well. Yet two of our other boys took longer at getting themselves clean. Both my wife and I took the time when we heard a yell from the bathroom ("Okay, YOU do it this time." ) to take an extra swipe or two to get the last remnants of a messy "poop." If this were as you described, then I would be concerned but not overly worried...yet. If she wipes his butt and your son doesn't want it wiped, then it may be a different situation. I think you are also concerned that he had no clue how to wipe himself.
Ross PK Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I agree she shouldn't be doing all that for him. How's he supposed to learn that way? He's old enough to be doing it himself.
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