dietpepsi Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) Hey all, sorry if this ends up being long My ex broke it off almost 2 months ago, after being together for roughly 6-8 months. I said a few things i shouldn't have, and blew up a little, not terribly though, there was no namecalling or anything. We spoke a week after, in which i proceeded to tell her how much i wanted her, i think we can make it work etc etc. She was very nice, and listened to everything i had to say. Her tune of the break up went from at first I dont have the energy to do a relationship, then to i didnt really felt like you cared about us that much, to did you ever see a future with us, to finally she just said I dont have feelings for you anymore. I was a little devastated, because this 180 happened within like 3 days. She was extremely affectionate several days prior. So i went NC for a couple of weeks, tried to call her, no answer, so i sent her an email, because i wanted to let her know it was wrong of me to act the way i did, i said some things i should not have said and that i regret saying them, and that with a little retrospect i understand why she felt i did not care that much about us, I hate that i made her feel that way, and i have accepted the fact we are not together. And i wished her well. No reply. We work together, so I am in her office off and on, and it seems like everytime I am, she walks by my cubicle when that is not her normal way to go some places. She seems to linger around talking to people if I am up talking to people. Once we rounded a corner on each other, and she looked down and her face turned beet red. This continued on for the next few weeks i was there, i sent her a funny work email once with no response. But it seems she walks by very often only when she thinks i am not looking, and indirectly tries to get me to notice her, she will not directly come into the area am facing though. The other day we left work at the same time, she seemed to be aggresivly changing lanes and keeping my speed to stay behind me, the whole while she was texting and putting on her face in the mirror. Because if she is behind me on my way home, she knows that i know she is not going home. It just feels like she is trying for some reason to get my attention. She has had some family medicall issues, so i sent her a text asking if everything was ok over a week ago, with no response. That was the last time i had contacted her before a few days ago when I called to find my number blocked, and also my work phone blocked??? It wasn't blocked a few weeks ago, so i don't understand the sudden anger? It feels like she is demonizing me. But everytime i am in the office, i feel like she is trying to get my attention. She was extremely nice after the breakup, but then after going NC/LC for a bit, its like she started demonizing me when she started to see my around the office (Im not at that office all the time) She purposely laughs a lot and acts jovial when I'm in area and she is talking to other people. But she straight ignores me? Also, it seems like when she knows I'm going to be there for a stretch of a few days, she will dress up a little extra, do her hair extra nice, which she usually never did at work. Usually the first day I am there she dressed normal, then for the next few days, she is spruced up. I'm confused as to where the demonizing comes from all of a sudden? When it wasn't there before? She probably has my personal email blocked as well, I don't even know if she got my apology email or not. Or my texts asking about her family's situation (I know all about it over the last 6 months) she even made herself not even searchable on Facebook after she took me off. She has no reason to hate me, so it's making me very confused. She has taken every step to completely make it impossible to contact her. So then why the cat and mouse attention game only to find out that my numbers are blocked? I feel so rejected, but somehow i can't fight the feeling she is making herself hate me because she still has feelings for me. If she really just didn't care about me anymore and was indifferent about it all, it seems all this stuff is a little overboard. What do you guys think? Thanks for any advice, I browsed this forum a lot before posting, and I think there is a lot of experienced advice here. Edited November 19, 2009 by dietpepsi
DustySaltus Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 dp, sorry to hear about your situation. Everything this girl is doing points to the fact that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. I know it sucks but the only reason why she is doing the things that she is doing (i.e fixing herself up, walking by your desk etc..) is for her own self validation. You need to keep out of contact with her and focus on improving yourself. Think about what you might have done differently and LEARN from it. Someone that truly cares about you will let you know when things bother them and not just jump ship right away. We all need and deserve someone like that for the long term. Stop contacting her and focus on you. Read the NC guide in my signature and follow it to a tee. Continue to post on here instead of contacting her. Disappear from her life now. She lost the right to know what you are up to.
Author dietpepsi Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Thanks, I'll take a read through your guide. It just sucks because I'll have to be full-time at that office soon within the month, and I'm just worried I won't be ready for it. I suppose your right, I just need to suck it up and go NC. It really stings when someone does that to you, especially when i know for a fact, that I have treated her much better than some of her ex bf pieces of trash, who were prone to sleeping around. I guess that's the paradox though haha. She is 4 years older than me, I don't know if that has anything to do with it I've tried focusing on me, but i find it's hard to concentrate. I've been able to work out fairly regularly, I am down from 241 lbs to 218 within a couple of months, I guess that's something good! If i could just keep my brain from being in overdrive all the time, that would help haha.
nobleguy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I've tried focusing on me, but i find it's hard to concentrate. I've been able to work out fairly regularly, I am down from 241 lbs to 218 within a couple of months, I guess that's something good! If i could just keep my brain from being in overdrive all the time, that would help haha. Yeah, that's normal. It will keep going for a while yet I would think. The mind really can be a torture device when it wants to be.
Author dietpepsi Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Yeah, that's normal. It will keep going for a while yet I would think. The mind really can be a torture device when it wants to be. So true, I would much rather take a few punches in the face than to feel that jump in my chest when a memory comes flashing through.
Orchid8 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 DP- Who knows is she still cares or not and what does it matter? She blocked your numbers and every method possible for you to get a hold of her because she simply doesn't want to hear from you. You have to take it for what it is and let go. I have done this with my recent ex. First, I blocked him from calling, then I blocked his emails and set my Facebook account to private because I don't want to hear from him again. I wouldn't have to go through such extremes but he was being childish and down right nasty in his emails so I didn't feel the need to allow him to keep reaching out just to hurt me. Anyway, I' know that is not the case with you since you seem to be caring in your text messages and emails but she doesn't care enough to respond so why should you care enough to know?! LIke the others said, you should ignore her and focus on you.
Author dietpepsi Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Yeah, you are right. Although, I would definitely deserve it if that were the case. It just seems so overly malicious since her personality changed from nice to "die" without any additional help from me. This will probably teach me to never have inter-office relationships again. I think i would be moving on much quicker if i didn't have to see her so often. When office relationships are good, they absolutely so much fun, but when they crash and burn, holy crap does it make everything out of whack. Lesson learned i suppose. Thanks for the response.
nobleguy Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 When office relationships are good, they absolutely so much fun, but when they crash and burn, holy crap does it make everything out of whack. Completely right. I was dating a girl I was sitting opposite a few years ago. It was great when it was great, and absolutely horrible for the three months I suffered after it ended. Had to get out of there in the end.
Author dietpepsi Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 Completely right. I was dating a girl I was sitting opposite a few years ago. It was great when it was great, and absolutely horrible for the three months I suffered after it ended. Had to get out of there in the end. Like quit your job?
oneandone Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 I think you should call her out on her actions. Yeah she doesnt want to get back together with you, but you are obviously still on her mind and the whole "attention grabbing" games are so immature. Next time you see her at the office, ask her to go to lunch or to get coffee just so you can talk to her for a minute. Then Id just approach it as you want to see how shes doing and why shes been acting this way because you never want things to be "awkward" between the both of you, especially if you have to work together. Play it cool and just show her your over it and just wanted her to see that no matter what happens between the both of you, you're still a caring guy. After this, just keep hitting the gym and focus on yourself. Get some new business attire, come into work with confidence everyday, and show her what shes missing. Working with her can be played in your favor also. Use her as fuel to improve your life and become an even better man. She'll notice that, all girls do (and it drives them crazy). Obviously I dont know this girl, but Ive dated plenty that have acted this exact same way. Im sure shes good looking also and has had plenty of experience with dating men. Most good looking girls play these games and Ive learned calling them out on it makes them gain a little more respect for you. Maybe not initially, but down the line. Plus, it gets your thoughts off your chest which always makes me feel better regardless.
Author dietpepsi Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) I actually tried that almost a week ago before i saw this reply today. She got super super defensive, and thought i was trying to change her mind, she simply blew it off like she never did any of those things, and she hasn't thought about the breakup at all since it happened. (seriously??) who is capable of that. She's totally shut down and defensive, like she is telling herself "I am not going to let you convince me" and explodes on the defensive, even when i asked her for coffee after work because i was worried about her because her family is going through some things, she exploded in defensive behavior, accused me of asking her out on a date and saying you are not the person i would turn to if i needed somebody to cheer me up. She also kept ramping up that i was trying to reconcile with her and she couldn't do that. But she also apologized for hurting me like 50 times and told me that she is not seeing anyone else (I didn't ask her about it though) She also told me that blocking me from her life may be her overreacting, but it is something she needs to do move on. Huh?! How do you take that one. Then she marginalized her feelings she had for me and our relationship, like it was never as important as it really was. Somehow though she warped me into apologizing again, sad i know. Common woman tactic i think, a friend who's engagement was recently broken off, said his ex fiancee did this as well. She has a long history of cheater exes. I know this doesn't play into my favor, as i think a lot of her history plays into her behavior patterns. Nothing bad happened between us, so her behavior makes no sense, maybe if i was a jerk and called her a bitch or cheated or did something to do deserve it, i wouldnt have all these questions. My number is blocked, my personal email is probably blocked, we don't email at work anymore. She has taken all precaution so that i cannot contact her at ALL. And everytime i have she totally wins, and i end up apologizing for things she's accusing me of. I'm clearly not ready to be in contact with her. What gives? Seems like NC is king though, i should stick to it this time. Edit: I should read that guide again Dusty haha Edited December 8, 2009 by dietpepsi
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